Hoarding and keeping things you don't need

[Joe.]

I've never told anyone this before, apart from my best friend who worked it out for herself, but I think I'm starting to develop a problem with hoarding stuff. I keep stuff that means a lot to me but now it's just getting ridiculous. I keep stupid things like drawings I did as a kid, bus tickets, train tickets, receipts, letters from school, random paper that I have doodled on. It's getting ridiculous but I can't throw any of it away. I have envelopes full of receipts and boxes of paperwork I just can't get rid of. Has anyone ever gone through this and how did you get over it? I know it's not healthy but if I throw the stuff away, something bad might happen and I panic. I have to keep it all. I probably sound weird but I don't know who else to talk to about this.

Joey

[RachelH]

I've only experienced the mild hoarding my dad does... my mum's and my solution, when he's not around we start to throw the blatant junk away. 

Perhaps get some family or close friends to help you sort though the stuff with you, and then justifying to them why you must keep it, and allowing them to have the decision whether you can.  A little harsh but it should work.

It of course doesn't deal with the underlying cause of why you feel the need to collect everything, but it does suggest that you are unwilling to let go of your past in some way.

Channel 4 in the UK did a series called the The Hoarder Next Door, might be useful to see how bad it could get and how the professionals dealt with the hoard and the underlying problems that helped cause it.

[Joe.]

My friend has often taken stuff that she knows I don't need and throws it away, it just makes me immensely sad and angry when she does even though I know I don't need it. That's what I don't understand, I know I don't need it, yet I still need it. Thank you for the suggestion though. I hold onto a lot of emotions and the past too, so it's a bit similar to that. I seen a bit of that briefly when it was on tv. Might see if I can find it somewhere and watch it properly. Thank you.

Joey

[RachelH]

I see your in the UK, go to http://www.channel4.com/programmes/the-hoarder-next-door

[Joe.]

Ah brilliant! Thanks.

Joey

[Reinhaven]

Hoarding is something most people struggle with, but it had various degrees. Yours seems to be "personal hoarding"--the type where anything involving you gets stashed.

I actually just got over hoarding awhile ago. We're going to get my room repainted, and I needed to clear out a lot (and I mean a lot) of stuff, so I decided it was time to make decisions I hadn't before.

I brought a giant black trash-bag up into my room and I started rifting through drawers. I found probably six hundred old drawings of mine. They were nice to look at then. A reminder of how much progress I've made since I was little. But will they come in handy later? No. Are they clogging up my room? Yes. Are they ultimately doing me more harm than good? Mm-hmm. For sure.

Lots of people suggest that you throw things out without looking at them first so you don't get attached. Don't do that. It will cause you anxiety. Treasure what you look at, and then put it away in the trash-bag. How many times do you go through your drawers? If you're like me, probably only twice, three, four times a year. That goes to show that these things aren't really as important as you make them in your head.

Once you clear things out of your room, you'll feel so much better. But don't push it. If something is really pulling on your heartstrings (that ugly sweater that your aunt made for you but that was knit with tons of love, maybe?), don't push yourself to get rid of it. The occasional saving isn't bad. Who knows; maybe you'll get rid of it later?

The more I started throwing things out, the easier it became. Before long, I was just tossing things carelessly. You might not be like that, though, so let's start off with a first point.

1. Trash anything that reminds you of you before your transition.
I actually tossed birthday cards, gifts, and personal items with my feminine name on them. It was just too painful to keep in my room.

2. Keep anything personal if you need to.
Maybe journals, reminders, and calender pages. Cards can fall under this category. However, a grocery receipt is not personal. Especially if it's been eight months since you bought the groceries listen on the receipt.

3. Ask a friend.
If you're having a hard deciding if you should trash something or not, ask a friend if they would toss it if it was there's. You can even PM me and ask me about it--I'm open.

I hope this helped. Any questions on anything I said? Ask away.

[Joe.]

I think it is more personal hoarding. Even if it's a letter or something saying about a trip I hated, I keep it. I now have 3 box fulls of stuff. I had to do my room a couple of weeks ago and I did actually get rid of some letters and paperwork I didn't need. I promised myself once it was in the bin I can't get it out. Yeah I hardly go through my drawers either. It's like the boxes that have stuff in them, I know I'll never read through it again, I just take comfort in knowing they're there.
I don't mind stuff that reminds me of before my transition, it reminds me of how far I have come. Me and my firend were looking through old pictures on my laptop and were saying how much I have changed and how far I have actually come just in 2 years. That's another point, I keep stuff on my laptop too. Like I can start to write a story, even if it's just 3 lines, save it, never go back to it but I can't delete the file. There's several nameless files on my laptop that I just can't get rid of. I even have Christmas lists that I've typed up before. Don't know if that's hoarding but it gives me the same feeling as in real life.
You saying about the reciepts is true. I have loads that are so old but I can't bin them.
Thank you for the advice, it really did help. I will start with little steps and try and work my way up.
Joey

[Felix]

I have ocd and anxiety issues and I'm sure a history of unstable housing and homelessness adds to a tendency toward hoarding for me. What I do if it starts getting to where I have too much stuff is not go through it one by one because it's too hard for me to be objective about that. I just put most of it in a box or boxes or bags or whatever and put it in another room or in a closet or something. If after a couple months there are things I haven't fished out of it I know that I value the space more than I value those particular things.

[Reinhaven]

Even if it's a letter or something saying about a trip I hated, I keep it. I now have 3 box fulls of stuff. I had to do my room a couple of weeks ago and I did actually get rid of some letters and paperwork I didn't need.

... I just take comfort in knowing they're there.

I'm glad you managed to toss some things.
Think. Are those letters really furthering you? Sure, they hold memories, but ones that cause harm. They're just a reminder of a miserable trip. Also, they're just a piece of paper. Without your memory and strong mind (the human brain is fabulous), it would just be another piece of paper. All of the memories these things trigger are already stored in your head. They're simply papers that tell you about bad things; why do they mean so much?
I'm not pushing it. Just some things to think about.

I don't mind stuff that reminds me of before my transition, it reminds me of how far I have come. Me and my firend were looking through old pictures on my laptop and were saying how much I have changed and how far I have actually come just in 2 years.

Good, good! Congratulations on becoming more like the person you know yourself to be. You've come far and done well.

Unlike most transmen, I have a huge problem with who I was before. I was a depressed, weary person trying to compress myself into frilly skirts and makeup. I was ultimately fighting to be the woman I simply was not. It was painful, and looking at pictures of myself, exclusively "feminine" books, or other such things, simply remind me about the people not only who don't accept me, but the people who are fighting with me tooth and nail to make sure I never talk to anyone ever about my ->-bleeped-<- (my mom and dad). Buh. I can be so quirky.

Anyway, it's good that your pictures serve you more help than anything. If you have duplicate pictures, though, maybe get rid of one and save the other? No need to waste space with something you already have one of.

Like I can start to write a story, even if it's just 3 lines, save it, never go back to it but I can't delete the file. There's several nameless files on my laptop that I just can't get rid of. I even have Christmas lists that I've typed up before. Don't know if that's hoarding but it gives me the same feeling as in real life.

Holy mc'nuggets. I do this too.
I've amassed piles of files (rhyme unintended) that consist of rough drafts and vocabulary words. Recently, though, I've been taking to saving lots of unfinished stories on one file (I'll give an example later). I just make a new file, paste my stories onto it, delete the files with one story on it, and save the one with a few stories and notes on it.
Here's the format I do it in.

Story One, (date/time it was written plus any other identification info is optional).
"The Cat"
The cat was fat. He had a hat. I also liked his best friend rat.
(This is by far poetry at it's finest.)

Story Two, (date/time it was written plus any other identification info is again optional).
"My Trip to Japan"
I one took a trip to Japan. I saw Asian-themed dragons, cities bubbling with wayward citizens, and ramen. Then I woke up.

I wouldn't put anymore than fifteen stories on one file just so you can locate them all. Make as many files as you need to story a collection of stories.

Same goes for the Christmas lists, but you can probably fit those all in one file since you won't need them. Compress them together until you feel you can delete them.

[Joe.]

I just put most of it in a box or boxes or bags or whatever and put it in another room or in a closet or something. If after a couple months there are things I haven't fished out of it I know that I value the space more than I value those particular things.

That's a good idea actually Felix. I haven't looked at it like that before. It makes me anxious just thinking about it though. Thanks for understanding and sorry to hear about your history of homelessness and anxiety.

That compressing files idea is brilliant Reinhaven, thank you. I never thought about it like that before but I will certainly do that tomorrow. That way, they're still all there but not as space consuming. Loving the poetry by the way haha.
I'm not really sure why the bad stuff needs to stay. It's stupid wheni think about it. You make some valid points and thanks for being so straight to the point.
Sorry about your mum and dad, my parents don't accept me either so I know how that feels. I can see why it would bepainful for you to have memories of the past.
Thanks again.
Joey

[Sara Thomas]

I have a bit of a MacGyver streak in me, and tend to keep all kinds of crap that I think has the potential to be implemented into some sort of... whatever.

Sometimes it pays off, but most times I just gaze wistfully at the broken cork-puller, as it goes back into the coffee can, and think: Someday.

[Tejas]

More just sharing my experience than providing a constructive or helpful advice:

I used to keep things and had various reasons. Either someone gave me something and I'd feel bad tossing it. Or thinking I might need it later. Or if I dispose of it incorrectly, someone will steal my identity. Or DOT DOT DOT. But after moving a few times as a college student, I got stick of hauling stuff around. In fact, the last place I lived at, I only kept my mattress. I asked my friends if they needed anything and sold it to them. They hauled it. I think my depressed phase actually helped me realize that I don't really care to hold on to anything. (I already lost the most important thing to me, my dog.) In fact, my mind is so naturally so nomadic, that the physical possessions tie me down and it's a feeling I hate. So, I've come to realized that of course I need things to survive, but most things are unnecessary or replaceable. A couple of Christmases ago, a roommate got me a shredder. I had so much paperwork stacked up from the past decade that I had to enlist a few friends to help with the task. The load was too much for the shredder so it started to smoke. At that point, we just decided that it would be way more efficient (and fun) to do a bonfire. Anytime anyone tries to give me anything (which is pretty much just my mom), I just refuse.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora Joey,

We are all packrats to a certain degree, but for the most part, most of us can control our urges...However... 

One of my clients suffers from procrastination, hoarding, paranoia, and depression... He just recently had to move house, it was a nightmare for his old landlady, she couldn't wait for him to leave... All the rooms were full of junk, under the house and in the garage also full of  "That might/could come in handy" junk...

He's very paranoid about things being stolen, and even though he's broke, he quite often wastes his money on things like new locks and a house security alarm, he carries a backpack and a holdall full of what he considers important items wherever he goes...He's convinced somebody's been stealing his stuff....

I've looked into getting him some 'professional' help, but with his chronic 'procrastination' he just keeps putting things off...It really sadden me to see him in such a state of denial...

Craving and attachment leads to suffering....   

Metta Zenda

[Tejas]

Zenda, I particularly love the quote in your signature.

[Anatta]

Zenda, I particularly love the quote in your signature.

Kia Ora Deven,

Thanks...It's a Zen Quote from way back...One of those irrefutable truths...

Metta Zenda

[armozel]

Joey, I'm in the same situation as you are in hoarding useless stuff. I swear I've had the issue since I was a kid. When I was a kid I begged my parents to keep every toy I owned, even the broken ones. It got out of control until I was 16 and then I simply dumped the hoarded pile. Now, I just hoard useless papers. It must be something instinctual or whatever. :S

[Felix]

I forgot to mention that the same housing instability that adds to my insecurity and desire to hold onto things has also helped keep objects in perspective. I mean, when I start over with what I can stuff in a duffel bag it's not the end of the world or anything. Lol and I seem to have no trouble amassing more crap so I know I don't need most of what I own.

[milktea]

i have digital hoarding. i never del any file downloaded and even for really crappy movies it take some struggle to purge. i have a home NAS that houses about 10tb of files...probably less than 1% is what i would actually need.

[jojoglowe]

This summer I traveled thru South Africa, Swaziland, Mozambique and Zamba.

I have always been somewhat of a hoarder, mainly of tings like glass jars and plastic containers. I'll usually use the plastic containers as a planter, and glass jars to store my herbs in. This works for me and I have no discomfort. I have had composting worms for years and all my paper and organic waste goes to them, as they turn it in the the best fertilizer ever, worm castings... which go into my planters which goes into my herbs, which goes into my jars. Its a wonderful cycle.

OK, so in Africa, the chilren would go thru my trash pit before it got burned and they would make motocars out of any plastic that was thrown away... Plastic bags: highly prized. You bunch a lot of those together and you have a football/soccerball. Or just one and some string can make a kite.

So i guess what i'm getting at is "hording" isn't a problem. I would pick up any trash I could find in africa, and there wasn't that much as everyone else was harvesting the trash like me.

I think our consumer culture likes us to "throw it away," as it increases the likelihood we'll need to buy another in the future. We throw away so much good stuff into the landfills it breaks my heart.

Ok, that concludes my rant on hoarding. Hoarding: I'm for it! But like all things there's limits and its more about how you do it than that you do it. I've seen a neighbors house where it was so hoarded up he had pathways you had to walk thru to get around the house, everywhere else was stacks of stuff. I guess you just have to have an outlet for your stuff.

Donating stuff to thrift stores is what my mother did when she found the minimalist inside of her, and recycling. When de-hoarding make sure to do it right. Alot of stuff doesn't belong in the dumpster and can be reused.

<3