Seamless passing- It would be great, but...

[JohnnieRamona]

This has been rolling around in my head for a while: How important is it to me to pass "seamlessly," to the point that I could pull off stealth (putting aside plausibility for a moment)? The more I think about it, the more I realize passing that well would be AWESOME, but if I don't get there it won't stop me from enjoying my life after I transition.

I definitely identify as a trans woman- My goal isn't to disappear into the general female population and leave the trans community behind. What I hope I achieve is the self-confidence and self-esteem that would allow me to shrug off the occasional person who "reads" me as being born male. I don't want to wear a sign around my neck that says "Hey, I'm trans!" But at the same time, I hope my reaction if someone asks me if I was born a man will be "yeah, so?"

Does that make any sense?   

[spacial]

Yep. Perfectly.

You are seeking to achieve what will make you happy and what you can reasonably expect.

[pippa73]

Makes perfect sense to me. In fact for me I'd actually take it one step further.

I've lived my life finding it hard to be honest and authentic. I've been hiding something. I'm only just starting out on my transition so there are many people (including work) who don't know that I'm trans yet and I want to be able to say 'Hey, look at me - look at the real me. Know who and what I am and accept me for that'.

It strikes me that in many ways, living in stealth could leave you feeling the same feelings - always hiding your past, always being afraid of being found out, and not being able to be honest and authentic.

So I don't think I want to make it to stealth. Again I don't want to shout my trans history from the rooftops, but I don't want to be ashamed of who I am anymore.

This is of course just my perception as I'm not in that position. I'd be really interested to hear other points of view.

[JulieC.]

Makes perfect sense to me.  I feel exactly the same way.

[Beth Andrea]

...you say "not wearing a sign..." like that's a bad thing...

I think only the really interesting people wear signs...everyone else wants....well, I don't know what they want. I wish they'd wear a sign...

[Heather]

As I am now I know I don't pass and I've come to realize Wether you pass or not is all in your head.As long as your happy with yourself that's all that really matters. And I am happy with myself do I expect to pass in the future yes. Is it guaranteed no but regardless I'm going to be happy no matter what.

[suzifrommd]

The more I think about it, the more I realize passing that well would be AWESOME, but if I don't get there it won't stop me from enjoying my life after I transition.

It strikes me that in many ways, living in stealth could leave you feeling the same feelings - always hiding your past, always being afraid of being found out, and not being able to be honest and authentic.

You are two very wise women.

[Zumbagirl]

This has been rolling around in my head for a while: How important is it to me to pass "seamlessly," to the point that I could pull off stealth (putting aside plausibility for a moment)? The more I think about it, the more I realize passing that well would be AWESOME, but if I don't get there it won't stop me from enjoying my life after I transition.

I definitely identify as a trans woman- My goal isn't to disappear into the general female population and leave the trans community behind. What I hope I achieve is the self-confidence and self-esteem that would allow me to shrug off the occasional person who "reads" me as being born male. I don't want to wear a sign around my neck that says "Hey, I'm trans!" But at the same time, I hope my reaction if someone asks me if I was born a man will be "yeah, so?"

Does that make any sense?

I went though FFS, Srs, BA, voice training, etc. I did what you said and disappeared for 10 years. Despite all that, can I get read? Yeah sure, but the reality is, does it matter? As far as I can tell the answer is no. What I mean is that people are just not observant. They are not going to study you up and down to figure it out. I figure with face, boobs, hormone changes and Srs, I can get away with an awful lot of passing, even with clothes off. But to be really really honest, none of that even matters. If you are happy with yourself than that is 99.99999% of everything. The rest is just icing on the cake,

Now that being said, I do love blending into the scenery and going unnoticed, unless of course I want a mans attention, in which case I don't want to blend . However, having all of the surgery just makes the job of disclosing that much harder. I did what I did (surgeries) for my own reasons. I wanted to become physically the person who I should have been born to be. That was my only reason. In fact when I had FFS, I told the surgeon I don't care if I'm pretty, I just want to be feminine and look like I was born that way.

[JohnnieRamona]

Pippa nailed it further up in the thread. I want to live an honest and authentic life, and I feel like I'm getting closer to that every day

[AusBelle]

When I transitioned I never had any intention of going stealth.  I didn't even know what that was back in those days.  Stealth is sort of something that just happened.  I've never been one to tell people my business unless they have to know. 

As for hiding your past, well that is subjective.  I tell friends and co workers about things that I've done in my past.  I just don't tell them the finer details e.g. that I used to appear male.  They just naturally assume and fill in the blanks.  When cis friends talk of stuff they've done as a teenager, they don't need to mention they were a girl then.  It's just naturally assumed.

Let's face it, to most people, if you walk like a duck, talk like a duck and look like a duck, you are a duck 

[EmmaS]

Hmm so people in my life that are important to me know that I am transitioning because I well sort of "had" to tell them, but besides them, anyone I meet in the future, my plan is to present as female and act that way because that is who I am. The only person I would ultimately tell would be a prospective dating person because I'd rather tell them and not be worried that they "find out" or something, but other then that I don't think I'm any different then any other girl, does that mindset make me of the "stealth" mentally or no? I was just wondering haha

[AusBelle]

Yes Emma, that's more or less it.  It worked for me.  We can't stop people who knew us before from knowing our past of course.  Unless you cut off all contact.  Which I never did.  I'd always be telling someone you're in a serious relationship with about your past, or at least a brief precis of it 

[crazy at the coast]

I've mostly gotten to the point that I don't care and don't worry about it. No one seems to have much of an issue with me anymore and I'm still where I lived before I started transition and still see people who knew and my dad every day. My voice may not be perfect and I'm sure I still occasionally get read as trans by some strangers if they look hard enough, but who cares, they don't disrespect me for it and I go on about my life. I don't even worry about the occasional misgendering by a few older people that knew me from before anymore. I doubt anyone else takes much notice of it either. heck, I listened to my boss tell me about her dog and she kept calling her boy dog a her for the whole story, so really, it doesn't matter. The only thing I will not do is date, still not ready for that and not sure I ever can let someone get that close to me ever again, emotionally or physically.