"Coming Out" As A Child?

[King Malachite]

Hey everyone!  I wanted to know if any of you all ever "came out" to your family as a young child, whether it be?  If so, do you think it has helped their acceptance of you when you got older by letting them know it wasn't a "phase"?

Before I knew about transition, I would used to tell my mom and dad that I wish I was a boy.  I even went as far as to tell them that I hated them for making me a girl.  Another example (which I've mentioned a long time ago), I remember having a convo with my sister on the phone in the 5th grade and I told her that I hated being a girl and that I wish I was a boy.  I even told her that I'm going to get surgery to turn me into one (this was before I knew it was actually possible).  Needless to say that she wasn't on board with that then and she still isn't on board with that now (she says that she doesn't even remember that convo from a long time ago).  As for my parents, they seemed pretty apathetic at the time.  I remember my mother just saying "sorry" or "well, you're a girl" like she didn't even care.  Heck, I can't even remembered my father's response.  He was so caught up into his newspaper at the time.  Sometimes I wished that as a child, I would have pushed more aggressively to let my family know how I feel.  Then perhaps maybe I could have gotten the help I needed (probably not though).  I know I can't change the past, but I felt like doing that would make it a lot easier to "officially" come out to my mother.  I don't intend on telling her until a few years down the road.  At least that way, she can't say that she never saw it coming.

Sorry for the ramble.

[Kentrie]

This post made me recall a memory of when I was little and my mother and I were school shopping with my cousin and her son. My mom bought me girl clothes and and I was getting extremely envious of my male cousin and I wouldn't shut up about boy clothes and my mom said (jokingly) that she was going to go get me a sex change and I said "Nooo" because I knew by then what my mom's reaction would be but inside I remember thinking and hoping that she would actually take me to get a sex change and I also wondered if it was possible. Thank you for making that memory come back to me, it wasn't a good memory but I cannot access memories as easily as other people because I seem to have repressed all of my memories somehow and when I remember something, especially from my childhood, it puts me in a good mood. Good thing my mom is completely accepting of me now. She wasn't when I was little though but I later found out my unaccepting grandmother was harassing my mother about the way I acted, the way I dressed, and the toys I played with so that could be why my mother always got angry when I acted like a boy. 

[chuck]

I think lots of us had those moments that seem so clear and that make semse to us in retrospect. My family also does not remember the super manly things i did as a child. It's weird. But I guess since we are the one's living it, we remember it much clearly than they do.

[supremecatoverlord]

I think lots of us had those moments that seem so clear and that make semse to us in retrospect. My family also does not remember the super manly things i did as a child. It's weird. But I guess since we are the one's living it, we remember it much clearly than they do.

My parents seem to remember all of the "masculine" things I did as a child. However, other family members seem to deny it or think it was reinforced somehow. Truth is, it never was and my parents saw that once I was able to think for myself. My dad said he used to joke about how he had a son when I was just a tot. He didn't know how true that was at the time. The rest of my family always insists how much happier I was as a child than I seem to be now, but I know it only seemed that way because it was a time before I truly fathomed what the concepts of sex and gender really were. Then my whole world fell apart. Heh.

[Simon]

My mom blames herself. She told me a few years ago that when she was pregnant with me she prayed that I wouldn't be a boy because my dad was really abusive with my sister. She says she was afraid if she had a boy my dad would have killed him. She thinks my illness and being trans is a punishment from God.

Other than that my mom said she thought I would have eventually grow out of my "tomboy" phase and didn't. My parents knew something was "off" about me without me having to say anything. I think the breaking point with them was when I was 15. That year I cut off my hair, started wearing boy's underwear, shaved my face, and I always wore jackets to try to hide my chest. I don't think I had to really tell them much after that, that they already didn't assume.

[aleon515]

Yes. It's kind of strange, I came out when I was about 7. I told my parents to call me Billy (a name I don't think I would want now) and that I was a boy. I got very angry if they called me my given name. They kind of talked me into going to school as a girl, but mom esp was surprisingly accepting of it in limited way. I am pretty sure they thought this was some kind of a phase or something. When I grew up there was no such thing as trans that anybody knew of. There were a very few isolated mtfs, but they were probably seen as very rare and flukes. It wouldn't be something that there own child was. I don't know that I knew you could be a trans guy (not sure how I missed Chaz) until very lately.

My parents are both deceased (this is normal for someone my age), but I think  my mom would have accepted it and my dad would have had much more trouble.


--Jay

[tvc15]

There are numerous times in my childhood when my parents, especially my mom, would say that I should've been born a boy and my brother should've been born a girl. I would always say "Yeah" and get this feeling like, as long as someone else was seeing this and admitting it, there was some hope that it could still happen. I dunno, hard to explain. But it would excite me and fill me with a sense of loss at the same time. Then, when I came out at age 18, my mom denied I ever had any masculine tendencies... even though she'd been witness to so many of them. She's ok with it now and acknowledges those parts of my past, sometimes even bringing them up herself (like how I used to sulk when forced into wearing dresses) but at the time she was probably just too much in shock to want to admit it. Back when she was having trouble accepting me I reminded her about the year I cut my hair short back in middle school. Maybe because that was something I did when I wasn't just some little kid, she realized how it affected me my entire life.

[Jared]

My mom told me I told her in every period of my life I want to be a boy. Maybe she remembers more than I do. She also told me that she and my grandma had conversations about me being gay all the time xD

[ford]

I guess my story is slightly the opposite of coming out...

When I was little it was just me and my older sister. She got the girly clothes/toys, etc. I had no interest in that, and I didn't complain when my parents happily bought me boy clothes, gave me a bowl cut (which I sported for most of my childhood - along with an epic rattail - remember those?!) etc. This lessened a little when my brother was born and my parents had an actual boy to dress in boy's clothes. It ended completely after I started getting misgendered and escorted out of public restrooms by well-intentioned ladies who thought I was a confused boy. Just like that, my parents started buying me more girl-appropriate attire. Also we moved a lot (military), and my  mom got into the habit of forcing me to wear a dress on the first day of school so that it was clear to everyone that I was female.

I didn't know I was male...I just remember being really really confused for the majority of my childhood. Talk about mixed messages.

[Edge]

I didn't know I was male...I just remember being really really confused for the majority of my childhood. Talk about mixed messages.

Same with me. I didn't understand what was going on really. I was just really confused. Also, I was a weird kid in general and my parents had some strange ideas about how to treat me, so they didn't take me seriously anyway. I'm pretty sure they still don't.

[mangoslayer]

I never told my parents i was a boy, but i knew it. I was far to ashamed to tell my parents, but i really wish i did, because they would have been supportive and i would have been able to go on blockers.

[Tejas]

I also never told my parents when I was a kid. I might have told my younger brother, but I'm not sure.  I did wish it a lot though, but I think the combination of culture, tradition, and upbringing played a huge part in helping me suppress and/or dismiss it. I finally sat down 2 summers ago and thought really hard about it. It helped that I suddenly was surrounded with a handful of trans friends, which finally registered in head that the possibility exists. That last sentence sounds kind of like I was influenced, but it really isn't the case.

Just remembered: Quite a few times, my parents commented that I was way more of a boy/monkey than my brother. He's grown up to be quite a tall athletic guy, but I think after T takes its course, I might end up with the fuller beard though much shorter. :| Hahaha.

[Natkat]

I didn't came out to my parrent before the age of 12, but I did came out to friends when I where a kid (like 8 years or something). I had a boy name in school for a time, and my teacher scold me for the name and for making fuss in english class cause I refused to say "im a girl" <-- in english, I also told my friend I would be a boy while he said it would be better being a girl cause girls had it more easy (acording to him)
kinda innocent things while I still had no idea what trans was. I didnt think comming out early helped much in my life or for the matter of acceptence as nobody had taken me seriously and only just said it would be a phrase or cause by other things. for some time ago my dad told me that one of the hospitals I went to when I where younger for dignosing and so, they had also mention that I where very much like a guy but the doctors had ignored the fact and just said it only where a phrase. Maybe if they had known that GID wasnt only for adults it could had been something positive, but since I live in a country, where around that time there where no knowlegde that kids could be transgender, it was only a strugle being out early and knowing you had to wait to your 18-21 before people will take your serious and you can start thinking about stuff like homones and so.

[Liminal Stranger]

Interesting topic. I never really "came out" to anyone when I was little, except for one particular incident when a friend asked me if I was a boy or a girl and I told him I didn't know (my mother was infuriated over that, and now vehemently denies that it ever happened  ). In fact, I liked tutus and fairy wings and vomit-inducing shades of pink that I cringe to remember. But I also liked getting said objects decorated with mud stains while digging for worms and playing with the other boys, pulling my long hair back in the mirror to see that I could pull off looking like a boy (also denied, but I never wanted to cut my hair until the 8th grade), and pestering my grandmother on the differences between boys and girls. I only got increasingly upset over that last one as time went on.

[Ryan B.]

I too never came out and said I was a boy when I was a kid either.  I've known from a very young age; but I was ashamed?  I don't really recall being ashamed until my teenage years... but whatever.  Maybe a better word is afraid?  I guess I just knew somehow that coming out to my parents would not give satisfactory results.  Didn't come out until a couple years after high school.  Honestly wish I had done it sooner.

[Tossu-sama]

I can clearly remember how many times I thought I want to be a boy when I was a kid but I never said it aloud to anyone. Sometimes I thought maybe I should've just opened my mouth but to be honest I don't really regret it that much. I think it would've just resulted in the basic replies "it's just a phase", "you'll get over it", "you're so young, you'll change your mind" etc.
Besides, one can't really get anything process-related done in Finland under 18 years of age, at least no treatments and so on.

When I did come out to my Mom, she admitted the signs had been visible for years. I guess she and everyone else just refused to even think about the possibility of me being trans.
Of course, Mom blamed herself for doing something wrong or not doing something but I think she's getting over that part. Now she and my aunt are mostly a bit scared if I suddenly change my mind. Like that's gonna happen...

[AdamMLP]

I can't remember much of my childhood at all, even though it's not been that long ago.  I never really considered gender at all, there were only 3 of us in my year at primary school (all supposedly "girls") until I was seven when there were another pair of girls and three boys that joined us.  Maybe that had something to with me getting depressed, because I remember it was one of my friends seventh birthday party where I refused to come down from a tree because there was no point me living so I might as well stay up there until I died, and I'd been fine until they joined.  I first really started thinking about gender when I started puberty, and used to stand in front of the mirror every weekend and lift my arms above my head/out to the side to try and convince myself that I wasn't growing breasts.  I actually thought I had breast cancer because that made more sense to me than getting breasts.  I tried to ignore my period equally as much.

I don't think I ever told my parents that I was a boy, but whenever anyone asked me if I was going to have a "sex change" when I was older -- kids my age who noticed I was a complete tomboy obviously, not adults -- I would always say "No, but if I could have chosen I would have been a boy."  I think there was part of me that was too ashamed to admit that I wanted a "sex change" even to myself, but it was never the flat out "no" it would have been if I really didn't want something like that.  I didn't really know it was possible, and didn't just turn people into freaks.  I still get asked if I'd have a "sex change" and I just say "no" and look pissed off while pooing myself encase they realise I'm not just an uber butch lesbian.

When I tried coming out to my parents before my dad said that there were more surprising things I could have said, so I think I outed myself through my actions even though I don't think I explicitly said it.

[CursedFireDean]

I was comfortable how I was as a kid, but once I hit puberty I knew something was wrong. As far as I knew, I had a girls body, so I was a girl whether I liked it or not. After puberty (more specifically after getting my first period) I KNEW I wasn't happy with my body. Soon after that, I discovered what being transgender is and I immediately knew- that's me.
Though it wasn't until a few more years I ever came out to anyone.

When I did come out, my mom was surprised, but my dad said "I thought it was something like that."

so- I didn't really ever come out as a child because I wasn't unhappy with how I was until much later.

[King Malachite]

A lot of diverse answers and I can relate to a lot of them!

Looking back on it, I never had a happy childhood to begin with and once I heard about puberty and just knowing that those horrible things would happen to me made me hate life even more.  My mother definately knew that I wasn't a happy person in general and to this day, she still knows that.  I think if she looks deep down, then she knows it's because I'm trans.  I do hope to come out to her more through my actions eventually so she can see.

[peky]

I come out to my family repeatedly between the ages of 4 and 6 YO. No support what so ever but constant beatings..the same happened later on in elementary school..this time even without "coming out" it is almost like they "smell me out" so the beatings at home continued at the school and were mostly perpetrated by the teachers (priests) with an occasional beat by school mates.

In the home front my sisters were very supportive but being little they got also got beat for "aiding and abetting;" finally at 12 Yo I was "exiled" from home and sent to live alone in a farm..

My parents are death, but my lovely sisters are still alive and pretty supportive of their "other sister"