Confused about attracted to a man

[Lara1969]

Dear All,

I currently live as a "part-time" woman since a few months. My wife knows about my current thought about being perhaps transsexual. I always defined myself as beeing a male heterosexual. I do not find men attractive.

This weekend I was out en femme the first time to clubs with a friend on mine. We enjoyed dancing, chatting und the non-alcoholic drinks. Yesterday in a nightclub I was touched by a male and I enjoyed it much (in this club it is very usual to touch someone until he says stop). We started kissing in a booth and I was sexual aroused. I provided him sexual pleasure and enjoyed it (it is very usual to have sex in this nightclub and they provide condoms for free in each booth, Berlin is maybe much different to the USA in sexual thinks).

I am very confused about myself. I never thought to have sex with a man. Are my feelings as a woman so much different? Can it be?  I still find women attractive when going out en femme.

Does this happened to other girls before? All these changes confuse me currently very much. I am not sure who I am and who I will be in three years.

Although I love it to go out as a girl. After supressing my feminie feelings für nearly 40 years it feels so natural and right.

Lara (a confused girl)

[peky]

Dear All,

I currently live as a "part-time" woman since a few months. My wife knows about my current thought about being perhaps transsexual. I always defined myself as beeing a male heterosexual. I do not find men attractive.

This weekend I was out en femme the first time to clubs with a friend on mine. We enjoyed dancing, chatting und the non-alcoholic drinks. Yesterday in a nightclub I was touched by a male and I enjoyed it much (in this club it is very usual to touch someone until he says stop). We started kissing in a booth and I was sexual aroused. I provided him sexual pleasure and enjoyed it (it is very usual to have sex in this nightclub and they provide condoms for free in each booth, Berlin is maybe much different to the USA in sexual thinks).

I am very confused about myself. I never thought to have sex with a man. Are my feelings as a woman so much different? Can it be?  I still find women attractive when going out en femme.

Does this happened to other girls before? All these changes confuse me currently very much. I am not sure who I am and who I will be in three years.

Although I love it to go out as a girl. After supressing my feminie feelings für nearly 40 years it feels so natural and right.

Lara (a confused girl)

are you taking estrogen? if yes, for how long?

[Lara1969]

No until now I do not take any hormones. It may change after I saw my counsellor in March.

Lara

[peky]

Well, so your story is not unique and variations of this narrative  has been posted here before..

So now the questions is: where you always attracted to men but somehow the desire was deeply buried in your brain so that you were not even aware...and with your current part time liberation of your gender identity your true sexual identity is awaking and emerging?


Or, alternatively, your mind is moving from a male to female with a concurrent change in your sexual orientation so as to harmonize that of your gender identity?


What ever it is..do embrace it and be happy..you only live once

[Heather]

Shouldn't you be more concerned by the fact that you cheated on your wife?

[Adam (birkin)]

Shouldn't you be more concerned by the fact that you cheated on your wife?

Lol, I thought about that too, but they may have an arrangement that just wasn't mentioned in the post so I didn't think much of it.

Well, I have heard a lot of people's orientation either opening up or changing after starting HRT. It certainly isn't uncommon.

But no one is 100% one or the other, either. There are gay people who, now and again, will have a straight crush and it can be pretty perplexing. Then there are straight people who, now and again, will have a gay crush, and find it pretty perplexing. I'd be pretty confused about my identity too if I found a guy I really wanted to have sex with, but it happens.

[peky]

Shouldn't you be more concerned by the fact that you cheated on your wife?

Continental Europeans, specially the "Nordics,"  have a different standard than those in England or the USA

[Cassandra Hyacinth]

Wow, free condoms in a nightclub? That's pretty awesome.

At any rate, it's possible that, because you've only been presenting as female for a short while, you still feel greatly relieved (possibly even euphoric) that he saw you as female and treated you accordingly. That's just a guess, of course - only you can know for sure.

I think it's one of those 'only time will tell' scenarios.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Wow, free condoms in a nightclub? That's pretty awesome.

Surely you jest, I'd rather have free drinks, condoms don't cost near as much as mixed drinks.

I think that this might help:

http://www.kinseyinstitute.org/research/ak-hhscale.html

The Heterosexual-Homosexual Rating Scale, sometimes referred to as the "Kinsey Scale," was developed by Alfred Kinsey and his colleagues Wardell Pomeroy and Clyde Martin in 1948, in order to account for research findings that showed people did not fit into neat and exclusive heterosexual or homosexual categories.

Interviewing people about their sexual histories, the Kinsey team found that, for many people, sexual behavior, thoughts and feelings towards the same or opposite sex was not always consistent across time. Though the majority of men and women reported being exclusively heterosexual, and a percentage reported exclusively homosexual behavior and attractions, many individuals disclosed behaviors or thoughts somewhere in between.

So living as female may have allowed you to feel comfortable about perhaps being somewhat bisexual. Of course it could just be that you liked the attention. Only time will tell if you really have any real true attraction.

[Emily Aster]

Although I didn't go as far, I had something like this happen later in life too, as far as the attraction goes anyway. I'm thinking that it was always there, but the weight of the world telling us that it's wrong was keeping us from considering it as a possiblity.

[Lara1969]

Shouldn't you be more concerned by the fact that you cheated on your wife?

Our agreement is no other women.

Lara

[Henna]

Lara, my experience is quite similar. I'm pre-HRT too and although I've known it a long time, that I can be physically attracted to men, what is new is the awakening feeling, that I can also be emotionally attracted to me, which for me is much bigger thing than just physical sex.

The emotional side just creates a whole lot more to think about for me. I'm 35 and probably 40 before the whole transition is over. I've been just lately thinking a lot, that is it possible for me even to have a "normal" hetero relationship with a man, once this process is over or am I "doomed" to live alone for the rest of my life.

[Lara1969]

Wow, free condoms in a nightclub? That's pretty awesome.

Pretty normal here in Berlin because safer sex is standard and many night clubs allow to have sex within. This is very different to the USA as far as I know the US from different stays. A US colleague called Berlin "Sin City" after beeing out with us one evening. We call it hedonism.

The emotional side just creates a whole lot more to think about for me. I'm 35 and probably 40 before the whole transition is over. I've been just lately thinking a lot, that is it possible for me even to have a "normal" hetero relationship with a man, once this process is over or am I "doomed" to live alone for the rest of my life.

I feel like I could fall in love with a nice man. The idea of beeing a woman on the side of a strong man sounds great. But this feeling is completly new to me and confuses me, I am 40 year old and was always attracted by women.

Kind regards from sunny Berlin

Lara

[Aleah]

Your not the first person to start to be attracted to men after affirming your gender, I think it's more common than we realise. I'm younger but my experience is similar except that I always had a desire to be penetrated since I was a teenager, but I never connected the dots or found men attractive.

As time goes on and I gained some experience like you by living part-time, turns out I really loved it, physically and emotionally.

And now can't imagine being with a woman again except for some kind of threesome 

I don't see why sexuality has to be so black and white though, I think most people are capable of some kind of bisexuality, in some ancient cultures it was very common and normal. Today we just repress those feelings from a young age, they are still socially discouraged almost everywhere and bisexuality has the worst stigma because it's seen as a "a choice".

I fell in love with a man for the first time last week, or at least very infatuated and would love for it to get serious.. I was concerned since I hadn't had those feelings in the past but I don't see why that's a big deal, my gender identity was repressed for a while before that too.

[judithlynn]

Aleah &  Lara;
I actually went to a Hedonistic Club called Insomnia in Berlin on  recent trip to Europe on a Saturday night. I had  heard about it and then read up about the place. It is run by a woman that used to run the Kit Kat Club in Berlin. It is full of gorgeous girls and really nice men. There are boys with girls, girls with girls and boys with boys. Basically anything goes. Luckily I pass very well but I was wearing a pink off the shoulder dress with Corset , stockings and high heels and my sexiest push up bra. I arrived at about 1030pm after visiting a Lesbian Club very nearby and didn't get back to my hotel  until about midday the following day!!. It was a bit daunting at first being on my own, but a couple of women took pity on me being on my own and I spent quite a few hours with them, with them and various men and finally with  one couple. I will not say anymore but this club provided free condoms as well. It was quite interesting being kissed and caressed by both the woman and the man together! I should explain that I am b-sexual, with a strong preference for women, but after 2.5 years on HRT, the thoughts and feelings of being possessed by a male has a lot of attractions as I am now become very submissive although I was previously in a a poly relationship for over a year in my 30's when I transitioned before as the sub in the threesome relationship.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Its funny I posted in this topic a while ago and here it is again. However its me this time that has learned I like men (just a little) in addition to women. Im finding out quite fast I am attracted to a wide spectrum of humans in general. Its quite mind blowing. It awakened something that was already there. At nine months of my new puberty...it totally makes sense.