Birth Control + Dysphoria = Odd situation, help/advice?

[Takoto]

Hello! I'm new here.
I've felt gender dysphoric since I was very young, before the age of 10, but only "came out" about it to others when I was around 14 (I am now 18).
I started the birth control pill when I was 14, I am on Cerazette and have been since. It stopped my periods.

I wish to go off of it for multiple reasons, but I'm very worried about the effects it may have on me. I'm pre-op FTM.
Let me elaborate my worries;

I have depression and self harming tendencies which are related to, but not only, my issues with my birth gender. I'm worried if I start getting periods again it'll just make me feel worse about myself and my body.

I am unsure how estrogen affects the body and mind overall, but I'm also worried that not having the excess amount of estrogen might cause me to become even more uncomfortable with how I look in general (I have a very feminine body. I wear a binder but cannot everyday due to it giving me headaches and vomitting). Though I'm not sure, maybe having less estrogen in general will make me more subcontiously comfortable with myself?

I originally went on the birth control pill because my periods were stopping me from doing my day-to-day life, I would spend at least three days each month not being able to get out of bed or huddled next to the toilet vomitting frequently.

I wish to go off it however because I think it, and some of my other medication, might be affecting my general mood and possibly making my depression and/or dysphoria worse.

I thought I would ask here before I talk to my doctor about it, thank you for your time!!

If you need any more information about me or my situation I will be happy to answer!

[Devin87]

Talk to your doctor about it, definitely.  Now that you're older, you might not have the horrible physically debilitating red death that made you go on the birth control in the first place.  Sometimes that's just a "first few years" thing and then stops as you get older.

I was on it for a few years due to PCOS.  It didn't affect my periods at all, but it's the only thing that's completely cleared my acne.  In the end, it just wasn't worth putting the female hormones in my body to stop acne, so, with my doctor's permission, I stopped taking it.  Lately I've gone off all my medication.  I've found that many of the problems doctors are so quick to prescribe really strong, side-effect heavy medication for can be fixed with proper diet.

But again-- talk to your doctor and RESEARCH.  We can tell you what worked for us, but our bodies aren't your body.

[Nygeel]

This pill you're on is progestogen only. There is no estrogen in it.

[Adam (birkin)]

Progesterone can really mess people up though. Emotionally and mentally.

It's really hard to know how hormones will affect you. I personally suffer the most when they fluctuate. PMS drove me insane. And I get really moody a few days before my shot, when my levels have dropped. I would talk to the doc...see if you could try coming off them, and if you go insane and felt better on them, then go back on the birth control.

[AdamMLP]

I also second/third those who have said that things can calm down physically after a couple of years.  To start with my mother had to call helplines because I was just bleeding so much, literally there was nothing I could do apart from not leave the toilet/bath to stop my clothes getting ruined, and it would be pretty much non-stop.  Now I'm pretty fortunate, not much pain, it's not crazy amounts, it's just mental torture that I go through.

That said though, I would never be able to go on birth control because of the chance that it might feminise you.  I would much rather be more comfortable with my body for 3/4 of the time and have a hellish 1/4 than hate my body all the time.  I don't know why you have problems with depression, but if there's a chance that it might be partially due dysphoria then I would personally go off the bc and see if that made any difference with how masculine I felt in my body.

You say you're 18, so it might be worth looking into finding out testosterone if that's something that you think you might want to take, or how you get on it in your area if it's already on your cards, as that will both masculinise your body and stop your periods.