Dealing with being clocked for the first time:

[EmmaS]

Hi,

So last night I was just hanging out and I hear an IM on one of my tabs and go to check it. To my concern and surprise it was someone without a profile picture but clearly knew who I was because they basically clocked me over the IM. I have told everyone in my life that I trust already and so now I'm extremely concerned someone else knows before I was ready for everyone to know and I was honestly freaking out and had trouble sleeping. I know this is something everyone deals with at some point but I don't think I was ready to deal with this type of fear. Did someone ever do this to you? Should I be worried if they try to blackmail me or something else? What do you all think?

[Beth Andrea]

Something I thought of, moments after reading the thread's title..."Dealing with being clocked for the first time"...

You can only be "clocked" if you think you pass. I don't pass; therefore I cannot be clocked. At some point in the future, I think it'd be great to be able to pass, but I'll have started from "not passing--can't be clocked" (and can deal with people who obviously KNOW that I was a guy)...to a mid-phase, where I might be clocked (and if I am, I just fall back on the "oh well, I can't be clocked because I don't pass anyway)...to an end-phase, where it's unlikely I'm going to be clocked...but if I am, I'd take it as, "Obviously there's some detail that causes this person to "see" me as male...it's probable that I forgot to shave or something, but it's also possible this person is just being an ass...and not worth my time."

And so....just carry on with your life. Most people aren't harmful; those that are...there are restraining orders for them.

[EmmaS]

  Yeah I don't feel as if I pass yet so I just figured I could make online accounts and slowly prepare myself and there is no way someone who knows me but doesn't know of my transition will see my profile......well I was clearly wrong because they definitely knew who I was and I didn't know who they were. I hope you are right about most people not being harmful, maybe they will just giggle a little and move on, I really hope so because I feel really scared.

[Zumbagirl]

Hi,

So last night I was just hanging out and I hear an IM on one of my tabs and go to check it. To my concern and surprise it was someone without a profile picture but clearly knew who I was because they basically clocked me over the IM. I have told everyone in my life that I trust already and so now I'm extremely concerned someone else knows before I was ready for everyone to know and I was honestly freaking out and had trouble sleeping. I know this is something everyone deals with at some point but I don't think I was ready to deal with this type of fear. Did someone ever do this to you? Should I be worried if they try to blackmail me or something else? What do you all think?

You might as well figure that as soon as you tell 1 person they are going to tell a whole bunch of other people. That's why disclosure is so important for people like us. Who do you tell, who do you not, who can you really trust. You jus never know sometimes until you say it. But you have to assume that as soon as you say it that everyone else in the world is going to know too. I had an issue with my name change. I had to print my name change in the newspaper and someone from my family that I didn't want to come out to, for some reason saw it and the next thing I knew everyone knew. It just took one person to come across it and then I was getting calls and emails. The only thing I could do was to mark it down as "it goes with the territory" and move on. What else could I do?

[EmmaS]

Definitely, I know I should have expected this and I knew at some point I would deal with it, but honestly I didn't think I would deal with it until I actually went out in public, not online. This wasn't someone who was told, they just saw a profile of mine and they were able to recognize me, it has to be someone at my school that I'm not that good friends with but they obviously know me. You are right though, I should of had the mindset that as soon as I tell one person, I am telling everyone because then I might be more prepared, but honestly I don't feel prepared at all, I just feel panicked.

[Brooke777]

Emma, I am sure you will be fine. Honestly, from my experience, if someone wanted to harm you they would. They would not bother sending you an anonymous IM. As for how I deal with it, I take the same approach as Beth. I figure that I don't pass so no one can clock me (granted, I'm starting to pass a bit). Either way, it does not bother me that people know I am trans. I am out and proud!

[Beth Andrea]

fyi...information posted online is THE WORST place to keep a secret. Google, YouTube, Craigslist, telephone company...sure, they ask you to link the accounts together, but the fact is, since they "can" link them, they'll do so--with or without your permission. They just won't release the linking.

Yeah, right. We all know how well secrets are kept...just ask the gov't about how many intel leaks they've had...

Seriously, though...yeah, the moment you post something, even just text, it's possible someone you know will say..."You know...that sounds a lot like Fred...wonder if it is? I know! I'll send an anonymous email to Fred, so he doesn't know its me...and ask. If it is, fishing expedition was successful! If not, this person will just delete the email, no harm done."

So...future reference, if you get an email asking, just don't reply to it. If it is someone you know, give them time to grow some hairy little balls and ask you to your face.

[Beth Andrea]

Just noticed...I sound like a snippy little bitch today, don't I?

I'll try to tone it down a bit.

LOL

[Noelle]

Hi,

So last night I was just hanging out and I hear an IM on one of my tabs and go to check it. To my concern and surprise it was someone without a profile picture but clearly knew who I was because they basically clocked me over the IM. I have told everyone in my life that I trust already and so now I'm extremely concerned someone else knows before I was ready for everyone to know and I was honestly freaking out and had trouble sleeping. I know this is something everyone deals with at some point but I don't think I was ready to deal with this type of fear. Did someone ever do this to you? Should I be worried if they try to blackmail me or something else? What do you all think?

You might want to try to further your understanding of the word clocked.

[EmmaS]

This person did not see me dressed in public as myself, a female no, but now they have that same knowledge that they would have had if they clocked me "officially". I know what the word means and what the concept is, sorry I didn't have a better word to use, I feel that I described the situation accurately and I appreciate the feedback that I got.

[Heather]

This person did not see me dressed in public as myself, a female no, but now they have that same knowledge that they would have had if they clocked me "officially". I know what the word means and what the concept is, sorry I didn't have a better word to use, I feel that I described the situation accurately and I appreciate the feedback that I got.

I don't think you needed to explain yourself! Some people are just rude!

[EmmaS]

Thank you Heather

[Brooke777]

This person did not see me dressed in public as myself, a female no, but now they have that same knowledge that they would have had if they clocked me "officially". I know what the word means and what the concept is, sorry I didn't have a better word to use, I feel that I described the situation accurately and I appreciate the feedback that I got.

I did understand what you meant, and apologize if I did not come off the best in my explanation.

[EmmaS]

No, you were great, I appreciate all of the thoughtful advice and help you each gave. If you were being thoughtful, you weren't being rude!

[Heather]

You might want to try to further your understanding of the word clocked.

This is what I was referring to!

[EmmaS]

Yup, you knew what I had an issue with, you got it, everyone else was great!