Seeking Acceptence . . .

[gina_taylor]

Today my mom and I got into an argument, and she was telling me that I'll never be a woman because of the things that I do. I enjoy wearing nylons (pantyhose or knee highs), pretty colorful blouses, that she says that she'd never be caught dead in, even though they come form Wal-Mart and are a brand name. But she always likes to throw   the seeking acceptence thing at me. I mean sure when ever I go out dressed, I just want to be accepted as a woman and not be getting second glances from people when they first look at me, not that I have striking male features.

Gina 

[David W. Shelton]

Gina,

There's a wonderful person who's been to our church a couple of times who's also a CD. She's not the most feminine person there is, and she's about a head taller than I am. But when she comes to church, she's in the best dress she can find.

But acceptance is an entirely different matter, I think. Two things we should all remember:

Our Creator accepts us...

The hardest person to accept us is often ourselves.

Once we get past that second point, the opinions of others become a little less significant. Sadly, those that are closest to us are also often the first to dig in a knife. They know where we're vulnerable, and that's where they strike. This is true whether it's family or church, or close friends.

Just remember that arguments never end well. Especially when they're heated. I suggest that you just realize that you're loved no matter what anyone says!

[gina_taylor]

Thanks David for your kind and heart felt words. A few years ago, I went to a church dressed, and I felt that I looked my best and word got back to my mom and she was upset with me. In a way she feels that I should just do my cross-dressing at my apartment and she doesn't see the reason why I have to go out. In a way she feels that I am an embarassment to her beacuse I'm a cross-dresser. But as for accepting myself, I came to those terms years ago, but it's just certain things that I say that my mom likes to hold onto and then like you siad she'll find that vulnerable spot and she'll stick the knife. Looks like I'm going to have to be stronger with God's help.

Gina 

[PeggiSilver]

Honey, you can never be accepted by every1... Once you have a hard and determined attitude, people will somehow get the feeling that there is a strong person (at first person, than woman) standing in front of them. And you'll be accepted.
stay pretty,
Peggi

[Jonie]

This is not me talking' but it seems the point your mother is trying to make is that she thinks your behavior at times is not like a lady's. I think she's saying, "not like a woman," by mistake. Your mother just might be trying to teach you to be a refined woman.

[Autumn]

Your mom's conveniently ignoring all current fashion trends too. Probably as an excuse to criticize you.

I shave my arms, very few GG do. They don't have to because they don't end up with a bunch of incredibly obvious black hair. Symbols of femininity like the dress you speak of are necessary along with makeup and other things for TS/CD/etc to pass. If one feels confident about their appearance because their clothes affirm them, then one's going to fair better. While it's true some women do the whole 'hour of makeup before going to the gas station' thing, it's not a matter of being accepted as a woman, it's self esteem/the desire to be noticed/whatever.

My ex wore guys pants and bigger mens shoes than i do, sometimes guys shirts. Who in society actually cares or notices? Pretty much no one.

[gina_taylor]

Thanks Peggy. I have come to realize that not everyone will accept me. Four weeks ago I bought a belt from a guy that works at a kiosk. Two weeks ago I stopped by when I was dressed and he was surprised, but now he won't even talk to me. His lose, because I won't buy another belt from him. 

Interesting point Jonie, but my mom just feels that in her eyes I'll never be a woman. It actually occurred to me that she's always been more apt to buy her clothes from JC Penny, Macy's, etc, so I think that that is why she'll never be caught dead wearing the things that I wear, but like I said, I get most of my feminine clothes from Wal-Mart.

I agree with you on your thoughts Autumn, but yes to be more passable I have to shave my arms as well, and it's just like everything else; if I don't apply my makeup right, then I'll look more like a man that is dressed in woman's clothes instead of looking like a woman. But yes, very good point about my mom ignoring the current fashion trend just to criticize me. 

I actually remeber once wearing a pair of male jeans with a feminine top, and I felt very akward , so I do feel that everything has it's place when we are transitioning from one gender to the other.

As for my self esteem, it's  alot better when I'm dressed. I feel like a totally different person. Last Friday I went to a gender friendly nightclub. On my way back home I stopped by Wal-Mart and I'm sure that there were some guys that were noticing me.

Gina   

[gennee]

Gina, as look as you feel good about yourself, it doesn't matter what others think. Many people have a hard time accepting someone who is different but you are being you. To me that's a wonderful way to be.

Gennee

[gina_taylor]

Thanks Gennee, that is a very positive way of looking at things, and I will always keep that in mind when ever I go out.

Gina   

[Autumn]

I'm just amazed you can find nice things at wal-mart! I hate spending money, so god knows I've tried. Still, every now and then I see a decent article. Come to think of it, my only bra is something nice I found on their website...

And yeah, it very well may just be that your mother's a shallow snobby person (she certainly doesn't seem to be very compassionate.) Clothes from wal-mart definitely get talked down on all the time. Those who want to seem high class pick on those they perceive to be lesser. Hell, my ex found need to criticize me for buying plain pajamas at wal-mart. And a (very poorly) opinionated friend of mine recently talked down to me for trying to find jeans at wal-mart. They're jeans for christ sake, if they fit who cares.

Personally, I wish I could find some of the $20 microfiber slacks they sold a few years ago now that I need nicer male clothes.

[gina_taylor]

[color=green]Hey Autumn,

I've had no problems finding nice clothes at Wal-Mart. Their blouses are really nice and I usually pick those up for $8.00 and their lingerie is never oo overpriced. Just a matter of going in and looking around. 

Gina 

[Louise]

Walmart will never be known for its fashions, but it is fine for plain stuff at cheap prices.  I prefer JC Penney, Dillard's and Macy's for things like dresses and skirts, but for underwear, stockings and tee shirts you cannot beat the discount stores.

As far as acceptance goes, that is something that cannot be forced.  We all need to be accepted, but the only one we can make accept us is ourself.  And even that can take time.  >

[gina_taylor]

Hey Louise,

I do agree with you on your thoughts that Macy's and Dillard's are better place sfor shopping for dresses, blouses, etc. Thanks for your kind words about 'acceptence.' I was just reading in a e-book about passing, and that  it is related to our outer image, and if we do manage to achieve an acceptable outer image as a female, which means that people look at you and see a woman. But on the other hand, girls in men's clothes and behave like men but since their faces are still feminine, no one would percieve them as men. In other words, it does not matter what you wear if your face does not pass.

Gina 

[Renae.Lupini]

I saw the title of this thread and decided to a peek at it. When i came out to my now ex-wife she didn't get it or accept me. when I came out to my now ex-girlfriend she was the same way. I got to wondering what was so hard to understand and accept. I was still the same person with or without a dress on. I looked very much like a woman when dressed but yet so quickly shunned by those closest to me. After hitting rock bottom, alone and crying with no direction to go in my life, I found that it wasn't the people in my life who needed to accept me. It was me who needed to accept me and they way I react to the world around me. After seeing this I was able to help myself better learn how to simply love myself and be accept the world around me. People that knew then can tell you that at that point there was a huge shift in my personality and I was a better person for it as well.

We more often than not, even beyond the realm of being TG, look for acceptance from everyone else. Once we learn how to do that for ourselves everything just falls into place.

I went in search of answers on my own since I was on active duty in the Marine Corps at the time. I couldn't exactly go tell them I needed a therapist without going through a long interogation. In my quest for answers I found the following two books. I can honestly say that by reading these books and applying what the discuss I have become a better, happier person. This is not some lame ad or promotion for either book either. They helped me and I always recommend them to other people who seem to be wanting the same answers I did.


http://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Love-Greg-Baer




My $.02

[gina_taylor]

Hey Renae,

I was just reading your well thought post, and the first thing that I'd like to address is where you said:

When i came out to my now ex-wife she didn't get it or accept me. when I came out to my now ex-girlfriend she was the same way. I got to wondering what was so hard to understand and accept. I was still the same person with or without a dress on. I looked very much like a woman when dressed but yet so quickly shunned by those closest to me. 

I just finished reading through Jamie Yang's "The World's Best Cross Dressing Guide" (@www.crossdressing guide.com) and believe me I was very impressed by the work put into this e-book. There is so much that we take for granted and don't really even think about when we become women. If you ever get a chance to check this e-book out, you'll see that if properly done we actually do change from being our past selves.

Gina 

[Renae.Lupini]

I have been to that site in the past. i do not agree with 99.99% of the information on the site. It grates my feminist nerve to see a web dedicated to turning transwomen into housewives and chambermaids. (IMO) It is sort of having an online mother that says "little girls should behave like this." Even when I was a closet cross-dresser, I did not like that site at all. I find it very dated in its perspective of women and how women function in society.

For a lot of transwomen they have no real way to gauge "how a woman acts" without researching the idea. It is alarming more often than not they gravitate toward this "leave to beaver" ideal of womanhood. There is that .01% of things on that site and others like it that does at least give some insight as to what life as a woman is like. I think a lot of people see this ideal of what a woman should be and for the sake of not appearing masculine in any way at all we take an extreme measure to overly feminine. I did at one time too so I lump myself into this boat.

We do to be accepted. Accepted as women. If we don't get that acceptance we so often blame the world around us. the truth is we have no one to blame but ourselves. Once we are able to accept ourselves we are not only accepted by others but we see how much BS some of those web sites are at pitching the feminine ideals to us all.

This is my opinion from my experiences.

[gina_taylor]

I'm sorry if I offended you Renae. I actually found most of the information to be somewhat good. I do agree with you that she does tend to be like you said an oline mother telling us exactly the way that we shoudl do things. I believe that that is more up to the individual and how she associates with society.

Gina 

[Renae.Lupini]

You didn't offend me I am just a very straight to the point person. I don't like to leave any gray area to my point.

[Lucy]

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[robinhayes]

I've looked at the cross-dressing guide, but decided it wasn't for me.  Instead, I've focused on resources for genetic women of my age/size/etc. and then worked on how to adapt them as needed for my particular issues.  The main exception is makeup -- there are a few "counter girls" who really get the differences for feminizing a male face, but seeing a "pro" really helps.

Regards,
Robin