OK...first of all, I know how much you must be hurting and how confusing this is, but this does not justify taking your own life. Just because you don't fit cleanly into a box doesn't mean you're broken, flawed, or unworthy of living on this earth with the rest of us. You belong here.
Second, any one set of behaviours, thoughts, or emotions: those things don't make anyone male or female. It's about how you feel in your body and how you see yourself. I have lot of qualities that some might consider to be feminine too. I'm not dominating, I'm sensitive, I'd rather have my eyes on a book than a hockey or football game. I was terrified that when I transitioned, the men would ridicule me and the women would reject me. But that hasn't happened. Men used to be gruff and dismissive with me when they saw me as a woman, but now, these same types of men who now see me as a man are very warm and kind to me. That was a total shock, to be honest. Some women have made hurtful comments, but a lot of those women are simply not my type...even if I was stereotypically masculine, cisgender guy, and they wanted me, I wouldn't want them. At the same time, I have a lot of women who really appreciate the way I am, and think it makes me boyfriend/husband material...and those are the types of women I'd want to be with, anyway.
If you're a guy, you're a guy...your feelings and behaviours don't define that. And well, maybe you're not, but it's not because of your actions or emotions. My best advice here is, whatever you do, take gender out of the equation. Don't try to assign a gender to your emotions, interests, behaviours. The way that I think of it is this - our life is a picture. Our gender is just a part of that picture. Let the others parts of who you are fall into place - then you can see the whole picture and realize what is missing. Then you'll know if transition will complete that picture or not.
