Hi & welcome
Firstly, let me just say that even though it feels like you're trapped, this situation is really only temporary. You will eventually move out, get a job, and have your own home with your own rules - living in a town or city of your choosing. That day may seem like it's a long way away but it will come. Picture that day in your mind and hold on to it tightly. As Felix says, ask your Dad if there's some alternative available. If your mum is the one who is homeschooling you, you really need to get out of there. Pronto.
Speaking as a parent, I'd like to tell you what happens when a baby is conceived to help you understand what's happening here: the parents (but particularly the mother) start to build an imaginary picture in their minds of who they ideally want that child to be. They might imagine that if it is going to be a boy he will love football like his dad; if it is a girl she will be pretty and feminine and will love ballet. Or whatever.
Then when that child is born and is assigned a gender, the parents start trying to mould that child into their idealised image. If the child was assigned female, they start dressing her in pretty pink clothes; they put bows in her hair; give her dolls to play with; send her for ballet lessons etc. etc. You'll notice that all of this starts before the child has had a chance to tell their parents who they are and what they like.
In my case, every single photo of me taken before 1976 shows me with shoulder-length blonde hair, wearing pretty dresses, looking like a little doll. Because my mum had always wanted a daughter and by golly, that's the kind of daughter she was determined I should be. But at age 5 I attended nursery school (kind-of like kindergarten) where for the first time I encountered girls. Playing with groups of boys and girls showed me, to my mounting horror, that I don't understand girls (they're an alien species to me) but I felt like one of the boys. So I told my mother that I'm a boy and said I wanted to wear boy's clothes.
She couldn't accept it. She'd already decided who her daughter should be and it caused her distress to find that the person she'd given birth to wasn't the pretty little princess she'd imagined. We had many years of fights over things like clothing, hairstyles, names, gender presentation, toys etc. but essentially my mother believed that her idealised, imaginary picture of who her daughter was supposed to be was somehow more valid than who I was telling her I really was.
So this is probably what's happening with your mother. She had a preconceived (if you'll pardon the pun) idea of who you're supposed to be and she's finding it difficult to accept anything different. If you told her whilst growing up that you weren't a girl, she probably dismissed that as nonsense, confusion or tomboyishness and she clung on to the hope that you'd grow out of that 'phase' and magically turn back into the princess she wanted you to be.
Now that you've told her you're trans, she's going through the normal stages of grief. She's not grieving for you as a person: she's grieving for the loss of that
imaginary person she started making up before you were born. At least subconsciously, she thought she had an agreement (with you, god, or whoever) that you would turn out to be that idealised child she'd imagined and she now feels, however illogically, that you've broken the contract. But the thing is: you
never actually agreed to that contract.
The stages of grief usually follow this sort of pattern, and it is possible to experience more than one stage at a time:
- Denial: in this stage, she'll refuse to accept what you're telling her, or try to find evidence that contradicts it. She seems to be there now. The good news is that this stage is usually temporary.
- Anger: she might lose her temper. She might become angry at you for 'deceiving' her (which you haven't done); she may get angry at your father for intervening; she might be cross with 'god' for testing her like this.
- Bargaining: she might try to convince you not to transition. She might ask you to wait a little longer, until a certain event passes. She may try to convince you not to 'do this to her' because of how it will affect her standing in her church.
- Depression: she may start saying things like "what's the point?" and may keep bursting into tears.
- Acceptance: finally she'll come out the other side of grieving and will accept your situation. She might not necessarily be happy with it, but she'll come to terms with it and will stop trying to get in your way.
Sound familiar?
Your mother's grief feels very real to her and she needs time to work through it and come out the other side. So please be gentle with her, but every time she pushes back against you, just calmly assert that you know what you're doing and keep moving forward. Actions speak louder than words and you'll help her come to terms with who you are if you just keep moving steadily forward on your journey. Instead of actively fighting against her, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. It might be helpful to read some Gandhi to get some good ideas of how to do this.
Oh, and the bible isn't much help when thinking about transgender issues. If it could magically turn you into a girl, I'm sure a lot of MtFs here would be rushing out to buy one. There are far more relevant books available to you.
Hang in there. It
will get better.
