Hi everyone! :)

[astrowhiz]

I first want to say hello to everyone! I am brand new at this, so please bare with me. Here is my story...
I am 23 years old and have been in a relationship with a guy for almost 3 years. About 2 months ago he told me he wants to become a female. I was shell shocked. He had always appeared very masculine, and I never thought he would ever want to change. A series of questions followed, and I found out he wants to take hormones asap. He researched sperm banks and found one he's interested in. At the time, he said he was only 70% sure he wanted to make the transition, so I held on to the belief that this was just a "phase." Christmas break went by and in January, I brought it up again. Found out he is 100% sure. I spent all of last month researching transgenders and tried to wrap my mind around the whole change. Anyways, I don't want to break up with him. Although, I cannot help but feel lost inside. I feel like I am losing him and about to meet someone else. A female. I'm not going to lie, but it scares the ->-bleeped-<- out of me. I want kids. I want to have sex (he said he wants to keep his penis, but like I mentioned before, he will be on hormones so I'm worried about the functioning down there). Yet, I want him. I love him and cannot imagine my life without him. His parents know, but they are in denial. I'm the only other person who knows. Some nights I am 100% sure that I want to marry him and not give a damn about anyone else's opinions. Other nights I picture us...2 females...society...our kids (?)...our kid's friends opinions...my family's viewpoint...wedding...him having boobs...the list of worries goes on. Until this happened, I could never shed a tear. I never cried. Now thinking about this makes me start crying. And I don't know why. I don't want to cry. I want to be okay with everything. I want to embrace it with open arms. Yet something is preventing me. I think it is worry. :/
Sorry for the long intro, but I guess I stumbled upon this website and am hoping any of you guys and girls can help me out. Any similar situations? Advice? Anything?

Thanks in advance. I appreciate you for reading this.

[V M]

Hi astrowhiz 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here

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Hugs

V M

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi astrowhiz,

Welcome to our little family. Over 10042  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another SO.


Janet 

[Bexi]

Heya!

Firstly, I applaud you on approaching this in a positive manner. Researching and discussing this with your partner is the best way to start. Developing an understanding as to what she's going through and empathize with how she feels may help you come to terms with this.

But remember - they are still the same person you fell in love with; you want to be with; you want to start a family with. Outwardly, they may change, but inside it remains the same person - though hopefully more comfortable in their own body and no longer feeling depressed by circumstance.

First things first, I'd seriously recommend getting in touch with a therapist, preferably one specializing in gender issues. Having someone knowledgeable and experienced in similar cases can help your partner shift through the emotions and make sense of the jumble of desires in their head. It'll also give you valuable information, resources and purpose.

If you want kids, then you should also consider banking sperm.

Also, having you as a pillar, as a support, will be immensely helpful to your partner. She's going through a turbulent period of emotions and intense feelings, so having a constant in her life who has her back, and will love her no matter what, will be invaluable.

If you feel a bit overwhelmed or lacking in information, there are plenty of "Partner-of-Trans*" -type support groups and resources out there.

Some people accept transsexuals, some don't. But think what's more important - the outdated opinions of the narrow-minded, or the self-happiness of the person you profess to love?

Erm ... I think I've covered most things Anything else, then fire away!

x

[Shantel]

Hi Astrowhiz!
        In response to your fears: I am MtF these last 18 years married to a born woman lo almost 44 years. I have been through a castration procedure known as orchiectomy over ten years ago. We are still sexually active and although I have been on female HRT all this time I still function with the original equipment. What allows me to do that is a .002 ml dollop of bio-identical testosterone cream applied to the little round wheel at the apex of my butt each day following my shower. It gives me adequate libido to continue on as we did when we were young and still not disrupt my transition. This is the same treatment that post-menopausal women get when their libido tanks. I will say that I have much more staying power than ever before because I can wear her multi-climactic little self out before I get to that point myself most of the time.
     Now that you know that this is possible, then you will have to consider if you are actually in love with the inner being that really is your significant other, or are you just in love with the external being who appears at this time to be a man. If you are concerned about appearances then once again, you may consider superficial externalities to be more important than the real human being within who may be hopelessly in love with you. In any case these are the things that you need to consider carefully and then you both need to spend some time with a couples counselor who has unbiased experience with TG issues. If not that then many long hours of conversation together discussing the pros and cons and throwing all your feelings and apprehensions out on the table. It has to be a two way discussion. It will work, but it does take work.

[gennee]

Hi Astrowhiz and welcome to Susan's.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Astrowhiz,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Big changed on the horizon; for both of you. A good start maybe to give yourself permission to have a good cry. You'd be amazed at how it clears your conscious. Seriously, though, you both need a good therapist to discuss the ramifications of this move.

Thank you for your introduction. You'll be pleased to know we have a special place for heroes like yourself. It's in the Significant Others room. Lots to learn and share there, with some outstanding people. I say heroes, because I believe, people like yourself have such a strength and determination of character to push through some amazing boundaries to achieve a relationship that is unique. If that's not the hallmark of a hero, I don't know what is.

Keep in touch and let us know how you are coping. After all, you're family now. A family by choice.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[Jamie D]

Astrowhiz, I appreciate your concerns and fears.  I suggest that you take a look at our "Significant Others" board.

Welcome, and I hope it all works out for you and your partner.

BTW, I have been with my partner for nearly 30 years, and though my issues have caused problems, they are not insurmountable,