The question I pose to myself before starting HRT

[A]

There are many that would disagree with me, but in my personal opinion, the second any of us knew is the second that we began our transition. Maybe not in the traditional sense of making the switch, but certainly internally as we try to decipher who we really are and how to handle that information. The road to self-acceptance is part of a transition. In fact, I'd venture to say it IS the transition. The rest is cosmetic to help solidify what you know of yourself, and to allow others to see you the way you see yourself.

Hmm... I don't agree, but it's more on a semantic sense. To me, transition is the things that can be seen. Accepting oneself, understanding oneself, those are all things that come before and during transition; even after. But I don't think they're part of transition per se. More like part of the whole process. See it this way. If someone knew they were trans, understood themself and decided to transition years ago, they would be well off in this introspection part. But if today, they're still in the same way of life as a man and haven't changed anything in their life, have they begun transition? I wouldn't think so.

Though in my case, I exaggerated. I've started HRT (sort of), and I've filed in my name change request, etc. so I guess it can be said I have sort of started transition.

So yeah. It depends on how you define transition. It can be something like "as soon as you know", "as soon as you begin to change externally", or literally "when you begin to switch gender roles". Probably, none of these definitions is wrong.

[Sadie]

Oh I definitely would have had a different life.

As I told my mother I wanted to be a girl when I was 14, if she had known about and accepted transsexualism then my guess is I would have been a teen transitioner or at most early twenties.

I personally think I would have had a much more fulfilling life as I never achieved any success as a male in life, in fact the conflict of gender dysphoria left me in what can only be described as a "numb" state throughout my male life.

I have a lot of sadness and regret over this as I have mentioned in other threads.

[Samantha L]

Sadie I hear you loud and clear. My success as a male has always come up very short of what others seem to get with ease. In my career, my failed marriage, even dating. I always felt like something was holding me back. I know now what that is. I have fought against these feelings so long, I'm sure it has affected me in ways I can't even begin to understand. I am not looking for a cure all, or think HRT is a magic bullet, but you better believe I'll be paying close attention to my level of happiness in the next 3 months.

[Kelly J. P.]

If society was accepting of your transition, how soon would you have begun? The answer is short. I would not be writing this now. This is what keeps some bigger fears small.

Well, I would have started when I was eight or so - blockers, that is. Estrogen would start at twelve or so, since I would have had parental permission.

Would have saved me a lot of money, seeing as I'm looking into getting a bit o' ffs. I grow weary of having kids stare at me.

[FreshGuy]

I am not sure if I am a trans but I don't think it is society's acceptance that is preventing me from transitioning. Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?

[JLT1]

I would have started my transition just about when I did - at 50. 

I have not had an easy life by anyones definition.  But still, there have been good times, great experiences....and love of both family and friends.   I found some success in my life, my career and even my family. Finally, I learned who I was and now, I'm changing to what I am meant to be. 

Regrets?  You bet - big ones.  Can't dwell on those.  I have done what I can to make them right. 

My life to this point simply prepared me for this and I know there will be challenges and questions (lots of those) and hurting.   However, for the very first time in these 50 years, I can say "right place, right time". 

[Kelly J. P.]

I am not sure if I am a trans but I don't think it is society's acceptance that is preventing me from transitioning. Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?

Perhaps you could compile a list of reasons as to why you think you're trans, and then place that list beside a list of reasons why you don't think you're trans.

Add a little subjective, "But what do I want?" and there you go. If that doesn't fix the issue, then a (gender) therapist might be the correct route. I believe that whether you're trans(itioning) or not is less of an inborn thing, and more of a choice. You may be what you are - a male with a female brain, or vice versa, but this fact should not compel you to transition if you don't want to. Ultimately, you just have to make a decision about what will make you happy, what you can live with, and what you are willing to risk.

[AwishForXX]

Tbh, I don't really want to transition but if I am trans then I think I will have to but on the forum someone said that transsexuals need to transition to feel happy and be who we are whereas I am worrying that I will have to transition to be something I don't want to be so my situation is pretty confusing, huh?

I understand your confusion. I'm 43, married and trying to figure out the square peg and round hole that's been handed to me.  I am at the point that I realize I need help to figure out if I can tolerate being as I am now. A woman driving a male body. Or if I need to change something.  As someone's signature says, "it doesn't take courage or bravery to change your gender.  It takes fear of living one more day in the wrong one." Ms OBrien VT.  Examine yourself and if you are there, then it's time to make that change, if like myself, you are not there, then it's still a good idea to seek the help of a qualified therapist to help you figure out what is best for you.

You are not alone in this.

C.

[Carrie Liz]

I think that's actually a bit of a hard question. Because my reason for not transitioning earlier were twofold:
1. Worried about acceptance (obviously)
2. I had NO IDEA that HRT changed so much.

I had no idea that your face and body could actually feminize to such a degree without surgery. I had no idea that I really could have soft skin and feminine hips and a feminine face and all of that. So part of it also was ignorance, thinking that not even officially becoming transgendered could truly fix the feelings of gender dysphoria that I had, and that I would just end up looking like some he-she-it thing. It wasn't until the very end of last year that I finally learned about this (again, thanks SO much for the "before and after" thread,") and almost as soon as I discovered that it really was possible to become almost completely female, I almost IMMEDIATELY decided that I was going to do it. And if I had known about this as a teenager, I would DEFINITELY have done it then, regardless of what anyone thought.

But on the other hand, part of the reason why I never learned about this was because I was afraid of the societal judgment that comes with it, and as such I never mentioned a word about my transsexual feelings to my therapist or to anyone else that I knew. So had I not felt that societal pressure, I probably would have learned about this much sooner, and therefore probably would have transitioned at least as early as age 14, because that was when I really started feeling like I was going through the wrong puberty, and I officially internalized that what I was feeling was transsexualism.

So it's a catch-22. On the one hand, finally overcoming societal pressures had NOTHING to do with my decision to finally transition. So I'm willing to suspect that if I had known at 14 what I know now about the effects of HRT, I really would not have cared whatsoever about judgmental glances, and would have transitioned without much of a second thought. But on the other hand, it was societal pressures that kept me from discovering this in the first place, so it indirectly did lead to it.

Anyway, kind of an odd experience, but that's what I've been thinking. (I REALLY do wish I had known about this sooner. Now I've got an extra 12 years of testosterone-poisoning to overcome during my transition because I didn't know as a teenager.)