Hi Today was the first time i have spent a full day as Shannon. It was difficult at times but very rewarding as well.
I don't nesassarily recommend doing what i have done today as it could be a shock to the system. But in my case it was nessasary for my confidence.
As i mentioned in my welcome post, i have been a member of a theraputic community for the last year. I have one week too go i finish this Friday. During my journey there i finally came to realise that my gender dysphoria was the cause of a lot of my other issues not the other way around. In fact i didnt bring my gender identity into the group untill about ten months in, as i was afraid to do so. But sayuing you have a gender identity disorder is one thing, showing up as a woman when everyone has been used to you as a man all year is another.
But that is exactly what i did today. I was up at 6:30 this morning to get ready, I wanted to look the best i could. I decided to walk the two miles to group, witch in hignsight may have been an error as i was wearing 3 inch heels. On the way there i was self-concious for about the first five minutes, but after that i just felt comfortable. i did get a couple of looks from people and at first i thought ohh no i've been found out. But then i was walking along and a man stopped me in the street, he proceeded to try to chat me up. While i felt uncomfortable at this i waved him away and said in my not to feminine voice that i wasn't interested. I found the guy creepy, but i was also flattered as he hadn't noticed i was transgendered. I then realised that the looks that i got mostly from people in cars where men and they where looking at a woman they liked not a man in womans clothing. This gave me a boost. But at the same time made me feel guilty because as a man i am not gay, And wandered to myself if that was what i did when i saw a woman i liked.
When i arrived at group i was afraid to go in as nobody knew that i was going to be arriving as Shannon. I decided to phone the office from outside to explain to staff before i went in. Just as i was going to phone i saw another member coming up the street, luckely it was someone that i was sure would not react badly. As she came towards me i waved at her she moved to the verge to walk past me so i stopped her. To my surprise she didn't recognize me at all i actually had to tell her who it was. I asked her to go in and tell everyone what was going on before i went in.
When i finally did go in people where a bit shocked but for the most part quite accepting. There was a bit of nervous laughter at a few points for a couple of members but apart from that and a few awquard questions for the most part it went well. And i can understand it making some people uncomfortable as they have known me as somebody else for nearly a year. And as i say its one tihg to talk about it, its quite another to do it. I even got a few comments about how good i looked. some of the women in the group said that they were a little jealous.
I will have to be a man for the rest of the week at group but all in all it was a very hard but good day.
