Hello!
I'd like to start by saying that I've been on HRT for just over a month, and that I have seen some wonderful physical changes that were not entirely unexpected (having fanatically scoured the forums on the subject since I've decided to transition). Even with that preparedness, I've been surprised to find that my chest is already budding, my libido has disappeared, and that the estrogen is affecting my emotions noticeably.
This topic is about that latter development, having honestly not expected the estrogen to have such an impact on the way I thought and emotionally reacted to things.
Before the hormones, I have still been an emotional person, but I mostly repressed it and led a dysphoric anti-social existence. I was perfectly fine not getting close to people. I lived this way for years, and not once have I really questioned the way I was because that's just how Asperger's Syndrome works and I was fine with it.
A week into HRT, and I've found that almost no movie was safe if I wanted to avoid crying. 'The Hobbit' made me cry four times, and several days later, 'Les Miserable' (oh gosh) set me off near the middle and it took at least an hour or so after the end to recover from it. I even reacted to Doctor Who during some of the more sad/sentimental moments. The only times I actually recall crying to a movie prior to HRT was nearer the end of the Harry Potter series, but even then it wasn't for more than a few seconds or so at a time.
At three and a half weeks in and up until now, my emotions have practically lost their marbles (in a good, non-alarming way). Coming from someone who has been crushed by depression for years, having positive emotional swings that override it on a whim and that come out of
nowhere has provoked a lot of thought. I find my cat infinitely more adorable and I practically die when he does cute things. I can feel silly and ridiculous with no one around, I have become
very susceptible to flattery, and I have runs where I am familiarly depressed and those seem to last the longest.
Mostly though, the one emotion that has impacted me the most was loneliness.
I've not been a stranger to wanting company, but I usually only felt that way when I was at my lowest points, in intermittent episodes throughout my teenage life. Since a week ago, having someone around to talk to has been an irresistible craving, and I've managed to half-satisfy it with the few online friends that I have, but not having a friend that knew me personally sort of washed me in regrets over my secluded childhood and life up until recently. It sucks to want to hug a friend and cry happy tears when I have such an empty social circle.
I did have my first TG meeting yesterday, which was lots of fun. ^^ It helped a lot to make me feel better about things, and I made a couple of friends! Even after our hours-long discussion, I was really sad that the meeting had to end. On my way home from the meeting, I got stopped by a cop. My headlights were off for some dumb reason. She only asked for my license and registration, commented on my long hair as compared to the short cut in the pic on my license, and left for some more urgent matter without handing me a ticket! I actually enjoyed our brief interaction enough to make me glad to be pulled over.
Anyways, I think this thread could be a nice place to discuss how hormones impact the minds of transistioners. Are mental changes typical with estrogen as soon as 5 weeks into transition?
