To Go, or Not to Go, That Is the Question

[Shana A]

Leslie Lagerstrom
Proud mom of two children; advocate for families with transgender and gender-variant kids

To Go, or Not to Go, That Is the Question
Posted: 02/19/2013 5:26 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/leslie-lagerstrom/to-go-or-not-to-go-that-is-the-question_b_2674358.html

From our kitchen I could hear the diesel engine roar and the chassis squeak as the school bus rounded the bend of the otherwise quiet street leading to our corner. Monday through Friday during the school year, these familiar sounds were my cue to spring into action -- to get the back door not only unlocked but opened, because Sam would be charging through that entryway within 30 predictable seconds, making a mad dash for the bathroom, an absolute run-like-your-life-depends-on-it sprint, because he hadn't used a restroom since he left for school eight hours earlier.

And so it was for our child as he began to transition from female to male in seventh grade, which is a difficult age for any kid, let alone one whose mind and biology do not match. The more masculine his appearance became, the more difficult it was for him to relieve himself at school. The girls' restroom, though corresponding with his biology, was a torture chamber of verbal abuse; the occupants would scream at his mere presence. Even bystanders who understood would hang their heads and divert their gazes, leaving Sam feeling alone and vulnerable as he tried to make his way to a stall. And the threat of physical abuse kept Sam from even trying to use the boys' restroom, which is where he truly belonged.

When we finally understood the extent of the harassment that he was enduring, we approached the school for help. The proposed solution was for Sam to use the nurse's bathroom, a common remedy offered by many schools in this situation, but one that never truly meets these kids' needs. In a building with three floors, having only one option in a less-than-central location is a logistical nightmare, especially when students are expected to use the restroom during their five-minute break between classes.