Parents!! Grrrr

[bethany]

Sorry but this will most likely turn into a bit of a rant.

I just got off the phone with my dad and though he says he supports my decisions I really don't believe it. It's the tone of his voice that speaks louder than his words. Then he will end up saying something like "It's your body." I know he means well but it just sounds wrong to me for some reason; very condescending in my mind.

Every one else has commented about how happy I seem to be now. But he just seems to shrug it off. I know it has to be hard on him to see his son become his daughter, but it can't be anywhere near as bad as what I have lived with for the past 41 years in suppressing this. I'm just tired of his not so well thought out comments.

I am almost to the point where I just want to stop talking to him. But he is the only immediate family I have left. My Mom passed away in 02, and I have no siblings. Thankfully the staff where I live has been nothing short of amazing, as have my friends.

Sorry for the rant, but I feel better now.

[Brooke777]

I'm sorry things are not going to great with your father. Do you mind if I ask how long he has known about you being trans?

[bethany]

Oh a good 6 or 7 years now. He would see a photo of me dressed up and say things like "What are you going to do have a sex change?" Back then I would just shrug it off as I wasn't sure just exactly what I needed to do. And I won't say that things are that bad, but at times his comments sting.  And I have no idea how to tell him that.

[Brooke777]

Oh a good 6 or 7 years now. He would see a photo of me dressed up and say things like "What are you going to do have a sex change?" Back then I would just shrug it off as I wasn't sure just exactly what I needed to do. And I won't say that things are that bad, but at times his comments sting.  And I have no idea how to tell him that.

Have you tried just telling him? Personally, I can't do it. My father sounds a lot like yours but I just can't figure out how to tell him. He and I have never really talked much anyway. Does your dad have a girlfriend? I ask because I use my dads girlfriend as a way to get some information to him.

[Kayle Sky]

My dad told me to make sure that it was something that I really wanted to do and make sure it was not a phase and that I would regret it. Like you can regret correcting the wrongness one has felt since they were 5. I completely understand your problem. Some of the family that I have left were all hard pressed about my transition and all I cold do was affirm my decision and cut the umbilical cord to them and hope they accepted me or just move on without them with those that would support me. I hate to say it, but, your father will either come around or not, IDK about you but I have always had an...interesting...relationship with my father so we are tense at times at best. I hope that helps you some?

[bethany]

Have you tried just telling him? Personally, I can't do it. My father sounds a lot like yours but I just can't figure out how to tell him. He and I have never really talked much anyway. Does your dad have a girlfriend? I ask because I use my dads girlfriend as a way to get some information to him.

Sounds like our dads were cut from the same mold. I have no idea on how to approach him what so ever. He has remarried and I do talk to his wife about things but all I get back is "You know how your dad is." So that's no big help.

My dad told me to make sure that it was something that I really wanted to do and make sure it was not a phase and that I would regret it. Like you can regret correcting the wrongness one has felt since they were 5. I completely understand your problem. Some of the family that I have left were all hard pressed about my transition and all I cold do was affirm my decision and cut the umbilical cord to them and hope they accepted me or just move on without them with those that would support me. I hate to say it, but, your father will either come around or not, IDK about you but I have always had an...interesting...relationship with my father so we are tense at times at best. I hope that helps you some?

I told him this was something I have to do. Its not something I want to do, but have to do. I have no question in my mind that my dad loves me. I just think that his mouth moves before he thinks about whats coming out of it. And maybe its me just being over emotional today and over analyzing things.

Thank you Kayle and Brooke for replying
Hugs to you both.

[Kayle Sky]

I am always here for a sister in need if I can be of help -.o

[Huan Cao]

I am always here for a sister in need if I can be of help -.o

Count me in as a fellow sister. ^^

[bethany]

Thank you all for reading my rant. It's great to know that there are people who are willing to listen.

I saw my dad and stepmom yesterday and it went well. He did not refer to me as son so that was a nice thing. My stepmom also offered to go with me to my next doctor's appointment, not that I mind going alone but it's always nice to have someone to chat with.

[Brooke777]

I'm glad things went well for you yesterday. I hope they continue to get better.

[Emily Aster]

My dad's the same way and I've been dealing with it for almost as long. And his wife suggests that that's just how he is too. I think it's partly because he's a jerk, but also because he's trying very hard to be a father instead of a friend. He wants to know that I'm not going to end up putting myself in a position where I can't provide for myself, but has a very mean way of saying it.

I like that it seems that they're coming around.

[Kayle Sky]

That is awesome.  I am happy for you!

[bethany]

Yesterday my dad came over before my friends wake to have lunch with me. It's was the first time in quite a while that he came here by himself. It was nice to have some father child time with him. We got to talk without his wife throwing her two cents in. When they both are here she seems to rule the conversation.

Anyway my dad did mention that I seemed to be much happier since starting HRT. And he didn't refer to me as son, though he didn't call me Bethany. I still feel it was a step in the right direction. 

[Cindy]

I think it is the same problem with always have with parents and friends.

The changes we go through are difficult and our personal acceptance and courage to be ourselves is something we fight for a life time and then come out. Accepting ourselves.

But. Our parents etc still see the person behind the truth. The one they are comfortable with and the one they grew with.

Acceptance is not a push button and takes time.

This might sound particularly stupid. But I do think that our close family and close friends that truly love us struggle to get the changes in their heads, and then they do accept and love. But they have a big mind-accept-change to go through. We don't, we have already done it and people who didn't know us well accept us because they never really knew us anyway.

Someone said that Michelangelo did not create David from a block of marble, he allowed the release of the form from within that marble block. We are like that; we know we are inside a structure that others see but they do not see our true selves until we are released and open to view, then we can be accepted and appreciated.

It took time for a person who saw that block of marble to appreciate that David was within. 

It takes time for those who see our original form to realise we are within.

Once they do, they will appreciate our beauty and accept us.

You dad is starting to see.

Love

Cindy

[bethany]

This might sound particularly stupid. But I do think that our close family and close friends that truly love us struggle to get the changes in their heads, and then they do accept and love. But they have a big mind-accept-change to go through. We don't, we have already done it and people who didn't know us well accept us because they never really knew us anyway.

No Cindy that makes perfect sense. And thinking things over it took me 45 years for me to accept that I am transgendered. How in the world can I expect others accept that fact virtually over night?

Hugs
Bethany