Using the men's room

[spacerace]

BTW, what are you supposed to do if all the stalls are occupied? Just stand there and look at your phone or something?

You can causally wash your hands without making eye contact at anyone and hope one gets vacated in the meantime. And then walk out if it doesn't and come back in a bit.

[Shantel]

Using the men's room should be far less intimidating for an FtM guy considering what we now know about typical cis male behavior in public restrooms. On the other hand it can be very intimidating and quickly become pretty dicey for a MtF in the woman's restroom just because of the normal female chattiness and the gatherings around the sink and mirror like we have talked about. You guys can count your blessings on that issue because I assure you there is very little to fear. Hope you all can muster up the courage and just be all you can be as you clear this hurtle. I'm here to offer everyone encouragement rather than criticism.

[Shantel]

I think that as person and as individual it is important to be "challenge" every know and then, as this more often than not forces us to grow.

Now, it does not matter what you say and how you say it, there is always going to be a group of individuals who take offense on everything and anything one says.

So true, and then it also helps to know some of the FtM folks as friends and be able to commiserate in their hopes and fears and share dreams and tears offering some insights from my side of the fence and a lifetime of experience that may be helpful just as they often share things that I am grateful to know about. Not all of us live in a vacuum.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Each has to make their own decision about it. Am I going to be a man or a sissy? 

Not being ready to use the men's room doesn't make one a sissy.  I don't think it's appropriate to come into a board for trans men and try to tell us that we aren't men because we aren't ready to do something yet, possibly out of fear for personal safety. 

[Shantel]

Not being ready to use the men's room doesn't make one a sissy.  I don't think it's appropriate to come into a board for trans men and try to tell us that we aren't men because we aren't ready to do something yet, possibly out of fear for personal safety.

I'm trying to be helpful and encourage those who are ready but are overly apprehensive. I'm not here to engage anyone in a contentious argument. It's clear to me that you have a problem with an MtF making comments on an FtM forum, something you will have to deal with in your own heart, because neither I or any of the MtF folks seem to object to comments on MtF threads by FtM's and often consider them to be positive input. I have been posting off and on here at Susan's since 2004 and understand a lot of issues on both sides of the fence. Hope your day gets better!

[DriftingCrow]

Well, either way I am happy for the post, I've now used the men's room twice today, and I am def going to continue on at least in certain places. It's so much better than the ladies' room, I could actualy wash my hands without standing around waiting for a free sink! 

[Shantel]

Well, either way I am happy for the post, I've now used the men's room twice today, and I am def going to continue on at least in certain places. It's so much better than the ladies' room, I could actualy wash my hands without standing around waiting for a free sink! 

You broke through a barrier that wasn't so tough after all, it's a big step though congratulations! 

[Devlyn]

Not being ready to use the men's room doesn't make one a sissy.  I don't think it's appropriate to come into a board for trans men and try to tell us that we aren't men because we aren't ready to do something yet, possibly out of fear for personal safety.

It's a board for trans mens topics, anyone who has access to this section is entitled to post here.

From TOS Rule #7:

"If someone wishes to discuss a subject that you are not interested in,  suggest a new subject; go to another of the many areas on this site; or ignore that person, topic, or discussion. If you feel a person's post violates the rules of this site use the report this post function."

Shantel deserves an apology out of you, in my estimation.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, you don't need to have a penis to use a urinal. If you're penile-challenged, just remember this one tip: spread your legs, lean back slightly, and thrust. 

***(Just make sure no one's around, in case someone tries to look.)***

Don't be scared. Trust me, guys don't talk to each other in the bathroom. They're like Navy SEALs. Get in, get out. Fast. 

[Sarah Louise]

While I will agree that most men will not talk to "strangers" in the restroom they will talk to friends.

[aleon515]

I don't think people's concerns are all their heads. In my support group, several guys who do not completely pass have gotten harrassed--sometimes in both restrooms. I'm pretty sure it's easier than with mtfs, but people who say there is no issue at all aren't totally aware of the situation. Most of the situations I have heard of that happened in the city were more verbal harassment, otoh I heard one very scary incident which happened in a little (rural redneck) town.

One clear advantage is that no one is expecting a conversation or eye contact.



--Jay

[Nygeel]

It's a board for trans mens topics, anyone who has access to this section is entitled to post here.

From TOS Rule #7:

"If someone wishes to discuss a subject that you are not interested in,  suggest a new subject; go to another of the many areas on this site; or ignore that person, topic, or discussion. If you feel a person's post violates the rules of this site use the report this post function."

Shantel deserves an apology out of you, in my estimation.

The subtitle of this section is:

A place for female to male transsexuals to talk about issues they face in their daily lives.

So yes, anybody can post here, however it's not intended for everybody. It's also supposed to be for support and a portion of the content doesn't seem supportive ex: Each has to make their own decision about it. Am I going to be a man or a sissy? And the false sense of security of declaring to trust that we will be safe (I sure as hell wasn't).

[FullThrottleMalehem]

Honestly, some of the original post did rub me the wrong way. There are better ways to encourage people than to say they need to grow kahones or not be sissies.

I'm not a sissy, I live in a small cis-centric, heteronormative area full of rednecks. I don't pass. There are NO doctors in the entire county that do HRT for trans people, let alone ones that take state medical since I can't afford anything else. I get nasty looks when read as female because I have very short hair. I was once almost hit by a car driven by some jerk who made a comment about my partner and me being "f****ts". The law here is also very questionable about whether or not people are even legally allowed to use the public bathroom of their choice without sex reassignment surgery. I really don't feel like being the victim of a hate crime for not being able to get access to resources to make me pass in the eyes of the general public and in their eyes "using the wrong bathroom".

[Kevin Peña]

I don't think people's concerns are all their heads. In my support group, several guys who do not completely pass have gotten harrassed--sometimes in both restrooms. I'm pretty sure it's easier than with mtfs, but people who say there is no issue at all aren't totally aware of the situation.

I thought we were referring to those who are far enough into their transition to be perceived as male. 

[Devlyn]

"however it's not intended for everybody"

Respectfully, Nygeel, you're wrong. This isn't one of the private peer group sections. Hugs, Devlyn

[Nygeel]

"however it's not intended for everybody"

Respectfully, Nygeel, you're wrong. This isn't one of the private peer group sections. Hugs, Devlyn

Then the subtitle of the section should be rewritten.

[Sarah Louise]

No matter who posts, ALL posts should be respectful. 

If a woman does respond here it should have specific purpose, not just be something general.  Most posts will probably be from the men here.

I made one comment earlier because I felt incorrect information was being shared about men talking in restrooms.  It was meant to be a one time comment, nothing more.

[Proton]

I thought we were referring to those who are far enough into their transition to be perceived as male. 

the OP actually addressed "all of us", and the thread might be helping those of us who just need an extra push, but saying we need to "get some kahones" or might be sissies for not feeling ready to do something seems extreme, even with good intentions.

[Devlyn]

Then the subtitle of the section should be rewritten.

To what? "Trans men only"?

[wheat thins are delicious]

I'm trying to be helpful and encourage those who are ready but are overly apprehensive. I'm not here to engage anyone in a contentious argument. It's clear to me that you have a problem with an MtF making comments on an FtM forum, something you will have to deal with in your own heart, because neither I or any of the MtF folks seem to object to comments on MtF threads by FtM's and often consider them to be positive input. I have been posting off and on here at Susan's since 2004 and understand a lot of issues on both sides of the fence. Hope your day gets better!

I only have a problem when a trans woman comes to a board for trans men and tells us in a not so respectful manner how to "act like men", to "get some cojones", and asking us to make the decision of whether we are going to "be a man or be a sissy".