Is September too soon?

[Joe.]

I want to start my transition properly at the end of July, beginning if August, then go to uni in September as Joey. My mum thinks this is too soon. I told my parents that it seems like the right time for me because otherwise I'll put it off and put it off and then I could meet someone, carry on living a lie, have kids and then come out again when I'm 40. I don't want to live a lie anymore and have so many regrets when I'm older. I told them my feelings aren't going away. My dad understands and accepts this but my mum still thinks it's too soon. A teacher at school said she can help me change over details and talk to the uni about the situation. I really want to do this, even if I'm not on T by that point. I just can't go to uni as a girl because I'll never get the confidence to transition half way through because everyone will know me as a girl. I can't see myself at parties if I'm still in a female body, I want to be able to present as male, call myself Joey, party with the lads and just have a laugh as Joey. I can even picture what I'd look like by the time I get there. I'd just be one of the guys. Is September too soon?

Joey

[Mosaic dude]

Looks to me like you've thought this through really thoroughly and September is the right time.  It sounds like your mum's having a hard time adjusting and doesn't feel ready for you to transition.  But it's not her life, is it?  In the end, you have to do the right thing for you.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Even if you waited a year, 10 years, 20 years there's no guaranteeing your mom wouldn't still say it's "too soon".  You have to do what is right for you in your life, because you are the one living it, not your mom.

[Joe.]

Yeah September is the right time for me. I'll be away from home so it won't be so full on for her. Hopefully the people I'll be sharing a flat with will accept me, if not, I'll just ask to be moved. I need to do this for my own happiness.

Joey

[aleon515]

I agree re: your mom. She may come around, I am actually guessing she will. But you never actually know. And some parents never do come around. Seems to me that you know who you are  and we all know that us transfolk spend about 24 hours a day thinking about being trans so we have all thought about it enough already.

--Jay

[FTMDiaries]

Yeah September is the right time for me. I'll be away from home so it won't be so full on for her. Hopefully the people I'll be sharing a flat with will accept me, if not, I'll just ask to be moved. I need to do this for my own happiness.

Then do it!

What you're talking about here is really just RLE. It's not like you're saying you want to have major, irreversible surgery before September: you're just changing your name and presumably going stealth. It sounds like the perfect opportunity for you to see how you like being treated as a guy full-time. Something tells me you're going to love it. So my advice to you would be to get that teacher to help you with your details and go to Uni completely stealth. And have a whale of a time.

It'll always be 'too soon' for your mum. Remember those stages of grief we went through previously? She's in the 'bargaining' stage... and as others have said, she will keep finding other excuses to try to stop you from transitioning if you humour her. But if your RLE at Uni proves to you that you're definitely heading in the right direction it'll be easier to allay her fears if you later decide to make any irreversible changes.

If it's right for you, just go for it.

[sneakersjay]

What Wheat Thins said.  It's always too soon for family.  All of mine were initially accepting, but followed that with: But you're not going to DO anything, are you?

So do what works best for you. 

[spacerace]

If you're going to be starting somewhere new, it might even be the best time possible to begin. No trying to get people to change names after they already know you, etc. Good luck, Joey.

[Joe.]

I'm gonna do it, I've decided. Thanks for all your comments, they were the little push I needed.

Joey

[mm]

Joey4,  I would certainly go for starting as a guy.  I started as girl the first time, lived in a dorm, by the 4th semester I was done had to quit school all together. After about two years went back still as a girl on the records but started dressing as a guy more and more. Still in school dressing completely as a guy; the older students know my history and the newer ones know me as one of the guys.  It is very hard to know who knows and who doesn't.  So if you can get things arranged to start as a guy I say do it.  Do you have a binder and clothes that help you pass?  Have you cut your hair in a guy cut?  Does your physical size and face help too? Have you started T?  Good luck you can it.

[Joe.]

I have a binder coming in the post. I only wear guys clothes now. I recently had my hair cut shorter but ill have it cut even shorter by the time I go.I haven't started T yet but I hope to before uni. I will talk to the university tomorrow. Thanks.

Joey