The problematic difference between believing and accepting in others

[Lesley_Roberta]

Soooo you come out to someone, and they are all very accepting, they make no fuss, no negative reaction and yet, in the end, you are left a month later wondering if they simply have trouble actually believing you are not what they always thought of you.

It's hard enough for US to deal with all of this, but WE can make changes if WE want to, but, you have no real control over others.

And with some things, there is no return ticket. I might retain some masculine traits, behaviours, habits, but, I have made the change. I am not Leslie Robert. I am not Leslie Robert in the morning like I initially thought (all that dual minded stuff I simply couldn't make sound logical). And if the damned shrink doesn't figure it out this coming March 5th, (finally heard back from him for a follow up appointment), I am likely cutting him loose as I have been getting more help and faster here on Susan's than I have been offline and with the psychiatric profession that's for sure.
I am a woman, I am stuck in a male body, but I am a woman. I expect to be talked to like you were talking to a woman. I want to be treated like a woman (ok you can leave off the poor treatment I suppose hehe). I am not a man acting like a woman. There is no slow motion transition process to acceptance, the only part of transition that takes time is the remodeling process.

I have come to wonder, if some in my life, that have not given me any grief in hearing I am actually a woman, are actually really and truly able to cope with the idea that a man CAN be a woman inside (and vice versa for the men in female bodies of our community).

I see this in little things in my day. I was looking at the Sears catalogue and the latest Avon catalogue at mom's place (we did dinner there last night the wife and me). Mom mentions there is nothing in the new sears catalogue. Which I thought sucked as I was looking forward to seeing it. So I am looking through it and there is such a wealth of great looking swimsuits (which I sure can't wear) and I saw so many great looking outfits (which might fit me in a few cases maybe, I am not skilled enough in looking yet to know though). I had to wonder, what was she looking for?

But you pick up on subtle clues. I am left to wonder, do they realize why I was looking at the catalogue in the first place?
I wonder, could they really believe I really want to wear any of that stuff?
I saw some nice night gowns, and damn I'd like to buy some. I walk around in long shirts, because my mind needs to feel like I am wearing something like that. But even a rather long shirt doesn't cover the goodies. And while the idea of my wife walking around in an intentional too short sexy see through nighty is appealing, I can't picture myself in one. The problem being a limitation of belief. There's suppose to be a different sex organ brazenly visible.
I'd be much happier in a properly made mundane night gown that actually covered my bare ass (and the other stuff).
But I wonder, would the wife be able to cope with that reality? The real truth of the matter?
Night gowns do NOT look like old fashioned men's night shirts. And to be sure, I do NOT want a man's night shirt. Nor do I want to pretend to be a girl wearing her boyfriend's over sized shirts in some sort of sexy fashion. My wife did that with my old army dress shirts in the 80s.

It bothers me, not knowing, whether as much accepting as they have been, whether they actually are able to really see me as anything other than male.

The overtly male hair situation does not help. Am I stuck with a reality that outside of a wig of an ostentatious female hair style I am trapped being incapable of being seen as male?
Is my overtly obvious lack of a bust dooming me to be incapable of being seen as female? I tend to be able to see why flat chested girls feel so horrible due to this hassle before me.
And a lack of a bust does tend to make almost every female upper body fashion look 'weirdly out of sorts' with nothing to put in it.

My current wardrobe does not help. Men's clothing is not form fitting generally speaking. My pants are not designed to show off my ass, and the legs are always a lot roomier. Might be good for the cold or the heat in their own way, but not very appealing appearance wise.
I need shorts for the upcoming warm seasons, and I am not looking forward to looking. I have NO desire to wear old man shorts. I have no desire to wear patterns geared for men. I want shorts that show off my legs. Well actually I want to wear a skirt, but that is not currently on the table. Nor are dresses. Well at the moment, I don't think anything is on the table.

And I don't think anyone really 'believes' I am a female in here. I feel like everyone is simply humoring me. Some are being nice about it, some not.
I think if I had told people I was gay I'd have gotten a better reaction. Well to a point. They would likely have at least believed me. But of course, I am not gay, I don't want a man (at all ever). But at least I would not be facing what seems like disbelief.

I am not wandering stores shopping for a gift for my wife. I am not looking for earrings for her. I am not looking to get her a ring, or a necklace. I am not checking out perfume for her. I am not looking for clothing for her. I am not looking at make up for her. I am not looking at bath soaps for her.

Nothing I have said to anyone, seems to have actually gotten through.
My day seems to be devoid of anyone really taking me seriously.

[spacial]

Hi Lesley.

I first read this this morning. I wanted to give you a decent response but had to go out, so waited till now.

I hear every word. I know so much what you're talking about.

What to do?

I get the feeling you need to make that start. You don't need any further permission, they know. If you do something just do it.

You could, for example, buy that skirt and wear it, say, in your own house, at a family gathering. If anyone says anything, you just say, truthfully, you feel more comfortable.

You're feeling frustrated and understandably so. You know the road you need to take, but haven't even started yet and are eager to make that first step.

Perhaps you should. I'm not suggesting you stuff a bra. That is for passing, with respect. It will invite criticism. You don't need to pass with your family, not yet.

If a skirt is too much, how about a nice blouse? Something very feminine, but you, if you see what I mean.

Just get the ball rolling in some way. Just to keep your hopes up. Just to say to people, I'm Lesley.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Yeah I have been trying to take small not over the top steps forward, things I can enjoy without being too long a stride.

I want to get a nice night gown, something I can bag out in, and be properly covered in and yet not just a person in shorts. Shorts, yes girls can wear shorts, but a girl in shorts looks like a girl in shorts.

I am also thinking of earrings. Something not 'just earrings' but something worth something as jewellery, and yet modest too. I have seen some really nice ones in gold structure with my aquamarine birthstones that look really good. Saw them for about 150 so it means I have to save up my allowance a month or two to get them. Plenty of males wear earrings so it won't be too over the top, mine will just be pretty maybe. Although been thinking of a necklace.

I also think it is unfair I never got an engagement ring, why should the bride only get a nice promise ring eh. So I have been looking for something for me too. Granted, I am looking for something in the look of a woman's ring, but they never make the bands big enough. And I don't want it to be a cheap piece either, I want a really nice ring. That and I thought of getting our wedding bands converted to family rings.