Breaking gender roles in the South

[DietFresca]

Hi friends!

So I have, since I was a teenager, worn bras and panties under my male clothing... I've lived in very cosmopolitan towns and found that, with the odd exception, most people are accepting of this.  Circumstances have seen me move into the deep south though with some very religious family.

I once again feel it is something I'm going to need to hide.  I was wondering if anyone had some experience with being "out" in the Southern states and whether their xenophobic reputation is still deserved.  I had hoped to start HRT but I would now have to speak to a local doctor here about it, and I'm not sure they would be sympathetic to my plight.

I do notice they have an inordinate number of churches here... they have billboards about Jesus even!  In my experience, the more "christian" a community, the less tolerant they are.  I have not even come out to my family here, which means I can't even do my laundry at home, I have to take it to a laundromat lest my family see my vast collection of lingerie and perform an exorcism on me.

[spacial]

Hi DietFresca

Whatever the reason for you being in that environment, I wish you well and hope you can keep yourself safe.

I'm sure you will. But sending best wishes anyway.

[muffinpants]

How deep south are we talking? I'm in VA, I know that is not deep south.. in fact its as north as you can get while still claiming to be from the south, but yeah, I've had some experience with it if that counts. In general, with the younger crowd people take it pretty okay. Certainly not all of them, but there are always people that will look down on blurring gender roles. The older crowd is a lot worse though, from my personal experience.. in general I avoid talking about things with them. I do have older friends (in their 50's) who are very open minded and accepting when it comes to lgbt stuff, but if you take it even further than that, they begin to be weirded out. There are bigger cities in VA though that are much better, there is a more open minded crowd there. I know from experience that you will still get odd stares if you walk around and hold hands with somebody of the same gender, even if you're not all touchy feely, just hand holding. Personally, I don't know any different as this is where I've lived my whole life, but I expect there are people that are this uppity everywhere and you just gotta move on and do what you want in life no matter what. Best of luck to you.

[aleon515]

There's a great, though VERY sad movie (a documentary) about a trans guy. He has a wonderful trans gal as a girl friend and his friends (most of them trans) called "Southern Comfort". I don't know where Mr. Eads was but it was definitely the South. They go to a trans conference called "Southern Comfort". Hence the name.

--Jay

[JoanneB]

I am in a rural area of  West Virginia a little south of Cumberland MD. Plenty of chuches and even billboards. For a kid who was born, raised and lived  most of her life within sight of NYC it was a bit of a culture shock moving here.

Overall I'd have to give the experience to date a far higher score than I would for not so suburban, yes I'll be PC and also curse your very existence and worse, NJ. I might get teh odd long lingering look occassionally but I chalk that up more to being 6ft tall and 145 lbs in a landscape full of 5'6" 250 lb women. In that respect I do stand out as an oddity.

I also know of a couple of other full transitioned TG's here. Essentially no problems with yahoos in their life either. Sure there is the occassional hormonall driven kid (male & female) but I experienced that far far more within 5 miles of NYC.

[Jess42]

This is my first post and the one that prompted me to create an account, finally sort of out of the closet you might say.

I've lived in the south all of my life. My experince is that the whole view is changing. But for the most part it is live and let live. You will always have, Like JoanneB said, hormonal kids and strange stares and most of these happen when there are groups of them. Kids and adults. Or adults that are just closed to the idea of other people just wanting to live their lives the way they want to. Gays and FTM are more accepted where I live but it is coming around. Smaller towns if you let the people get to know you in their own time and can deal with stares for a while are more comfortable to me than bigger towns and cities. Just remember, don't come in trying to change their views, let their views change on their own and eventually they will. I come from a very small rural town and even in the eighties, we had gay neighbors and we would help them when they needed it and talked to them just as if they were anyone else.

Even if folks don't want to have anything to do with you, well that's their loss. But being on both sides at one time or another, in the south, we look at anyone new coming in skeptically especially in smaller towns because of the whole live and let live attitude and don't want meth labs next door or loud music blaring at all hours of the day and night or just a party house in general.

As for church groups. You are always going to have people convinced they are the only ones going to Heaven and everyone else is going to hell. There will be judging on their part but not just for LBGT folks but smokers, drinkers and so on. Don't even worry about them. Let them figure it out when their time of judgement is at hand. Just be yourself and you'll be fine. Good luck.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I have very little in the way of polite to say about the US south and it gets worse as you go further south.

Consider the subject of education for instance. They don't even want their schools to teach real science. Or rather, they want crap given equal time.

Now when you put yourself into that equation, well my advice, would be if you are under 30, plan to move somewhere else while you are young enough to still be quite mobile, as the older you get, the more difficult it is to relocate.

Aside from places like Arabia, I can't think of a worse part of the 'modern' world to live than the US South.

[CloudyKino]

Hiya, I'm in the poop part of Florida, born in South Carolina.

I wouldn't suggest being "out" to anyone in public, honestly.  With close friends and relatives that know, it should be fine. Seek comfort in LGBT meetups and such too. It's... kind of scary here. Maybe it's just my personal experience, I'm not sure.

[Revenna]

I have very little in the way of polite to say about the US south and it gets worse as you go further south.

WAY wrong. I live in WV, and everything here sucks. North Carolina and Georgia, and Florida are all rather cosmopolitan, with well established gay (and probably trans) communities. I would absolutely love to live in Charlotte N.C.

That being said, small town people are really very friendly and willing to help, and I've met thousands. Not all church people are closed minded bigots, just stay away from any fundamentalists/evangelicals. Fundamentalists are bad news in any religion. Your biggest problem is that everything in the country is really spread out. For access to services - be prepared to drive, alot, and don't expect any support from fellow trans people, in my entire life I've met one crossdresser, and never met another trans woman in person. The closest electrologist to me is 100 miles away, my psychiatrist is 30 miles, and the only endocrinologist I could find is a 75 mile drive.  As a side note, that small town doctor is a small town doctor (and probably foreign) for a reason - talented doctors don't settle for the least prestigious and lowest paying job they can find.

[Revenna]

I am in a rural area of  West Virginia a little south of Cumberland MD. Plenty of chuches and even billboards. For a kid who was born, raised and lived  most of her life within sight of NYC it was a bit of a culture shock moving here.

Overall I'd have to give the experience to date a far higher score than I would for not so suburban, yes I'll be PC and also curse your very existence and worse, NJ. I might get teh odd long lingering look occassionally but I chalk that up more to being 6ft tall and 145 lbs in a landscape full of 5'6" 250 lb women. In that respect I do stand out as an oddity.

I also know of a couple of other full transitioned TG's here. Essentially no problems with yahoos in their life either. Sure there is the occassional hormonall driven kid (male & female) but I experienced that far far more within 5 miles of NYC.

Do you think you could send me an email? I've never talked to another trans-woman from WV.

[FrancisAnn]

I live in middle/north Alabama. Let me tell you it is no fun dealing with most people here. For anyone out there in this area, never go to Birmingham, such a waste of time for any normal MTF TS.