Have You Ever Been to a PFLAG Meeting?

[Arch]

I figure that different PFLAG groups do things differently, but my therapist is encouraging me to try a couple of meetings, and I'm wondering what they're like. I would be going stealth, as a gay person, and not as a SOFFA. I'm not exactly sure how I would fit in or what they do at these meetings. Any info about your experiences would be great.

[kae m]

I've been to two different ones in my state and I don't think there's any one way they run the meetings. I think the general guidelines are that they are meant to be semi-anonymous and confidential, similar to like AA or Al-Anon. Although there isn't necessarily a focus only on the LGB, I think it's the exception to find a group that has a sizable trans presence...which may not really matter to you if you intend to go stealth.

The first one I went to a few years ago was pretty terrible, honestly. I went with my mom and identified myself during the introductions as trans, which then turned the group into a "let's gawk at, interrogate, and misgender the trans person" session. I never went back. Since that won't matter to you, I would estimate that about 75% of the group was made up of SOFFAs, 25% were LGB and mostly under 21. There were about 20 people there. The group stayed in one discussion group the whole time and apparently they alternated each month on having a speaker or having an open discussion.

The group I currently attend is a much larger and much more diverse group. It regularly sees 50-60+ members, of which about half are LGBT people and half are SOFFAs and there is a significant number of trans people and family/allies that regularly show up. After an introduction and a speaker (if there is one), we break into 3-4 focused discussion groups and talk about whatever. Sometimes there is a separate youth discussion group if there are enough of them and if they have a facilitator volunteer to keep the kids on track.

It probably won't hurt to attend a meeting to see if you like it, if it isn't what you're looking for you don't need to go back.

[aleon515]

I've been to support groups, but they are run by a trans center and not by PFLAG. Awesome groups but I don't know how they'd compare to PFLAG, since they are totally trans.

--Jay

[crazy at the coast]

I've been to some, as a friend of a gay neighbor who is on their board. But since they knew I was trans, the facilitator misgendered me more than not, even though I was full time and fairly passable. Made me quite uncomfortable, so I quit going and dropped my membership.

[Keaira]

I'm somewhat of a PFLAG regular. Work keeps me tied up or I would go there to every meeting. Anyway, it's a good place for support, but do bear in mind that there is no T in the acronym. Were somewhat rarer that your average gay/ lesbian folks. We generally have a guest who comes in and talks about what they do, who they are, etc. Then we have a sharing circle session.

[suzifrommd]

I've been to a couple, once before I knew I was trans, once after. The latter was disappointing. They did not have much experience with trans people (though they had a group for parents of trans kids). Speakers were interesting but not relevant to me.

[Arch]

The misgendering experiences are disconcerting, to say the least. But since I will be stealth, I won't face that humiliation (unless someone clocks me, but they would have to be trans-savvy, and that's not very likely).

I don't know whether the group I plan to attend is actually meeting next week; the web site has not been updated for January. I'll have to call the contact on Monday. This meeting is in one of our more redneck areas. I would like to attend the metro area meeting, but their group convenes later in the month, and I expect to be overwhelmed with work by then.

Anyway, the web site does not contain much information about what actually goes on , what the demographics might be, and stuff like that. It looks like you folks' experiences are all over the map, so far--please, keep 'em coming.

[Constance]

At the PFLAG meetings I go to, they usually have a round of introductions, announcements, and then we break into small groups for discussions. These are pretty much free form and could be any queer or trans related topics. The discussions are supposed to be confidential, too.

After the free form groups is usually when the guest speaker for the night will talk.

[Arch]

Just a quick update. I went to the local PFLAG meeting this month, and it was pretty decent. I'm not sure what I'll get out of it, so I guess I'll have to go back and give it another try. Three or four meetings ought to give me a better idea.

I was a little uncomfortable to find that so many of the attendees were women, but I knew in advance that it might happen, so I was prepared. And my issues with women are less severe than they were.

All in all, it was a positive experience.

[Keaira]

I went to one yesterday. They are really supportive of me. ^_^

[Arch]

Nice. These folks were all supportive of me, too, since almost all the allies there were parents who want to support their LGBT children. But it was very weird--a little overwhelming--interacting with parents, especially such gay-positive parents. I have very mixed feelings about parents...especially mothers.

[Keaira]

You do realize that PFLAG stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays right?
We're the silent T in PFLAG, but I've never ever ever regretted going. I don't do the group support or see a therapist but at PFLAG I have a place to vent and not be judged. Not that I do much venting.

[sneakersjay]

We have a great PFLAG group here.  I went a few times early in transtition.  Ours are trans friendly, as one of the therapists that works with trans people goes, as does the mom of a trans guy, and there are quite a few parents of new trans people that went with tons of questions.

I went back a year or so later as a gay guy.  I hate that I can't be totally stealth there, as I'm sure some people would remember me. 

We have a large group that seems to be about 50:50 women/men, I'd say more gay men than women, and lots of parents.

Introductions

Agenda

Collection plate

Speaker (brief)

Refreshments

Break into smaller groups (lesbians/gay/transgender) for more intimate discussions


I liked going.  I should go again.  I think it has been 2-3 years since I've gone.  Maybe they've forgotten me.  Except the therapist and the mom.


Jay

[Arch]

This group apparently does support first and lectures/presentations afterward, a sequence that seems odd to me. This was an all-support meeting because they had no speaker lined up.

I have to admit that I was a little freaked out not just because I'm parent-phobic but also because someone I know from before happened to be there. I was just one in a crowd when we did "know" each other, so I'm not sure I was even on the radar back then. And I'm practically unrecognizable now, apparently. Weight loss, face fur, and confidence go a long way. Anyway, this person was responding in all the "right" ways at the PFLAG meeting and led me to believe that I wasn't recognized.

Maybe I'm playing with fire, but I'll see what happens.