Abusive relationships

[Nero]

Can you tell someone's resiliency factor?

[Kevin Peña]

No.

[Jamie D]

This is from the 'Disney Movies' thread but I didn't want to derail it, so split it.

The topic is rather timely for me so...

What does a good and emotionally healthy relationship look like?

If anyone wants to chime in on abusive vs non abusive relationships, please do. I have a history of not treating partners very well, so I need all the help I can get if god forbid I start dating again.

"Golden Rule" my friend.  Some of the things listed (in the link above) are "not abusive" if they result from mutual consent.

Openness and honesty in a relationship ensures one partner never get blind-sided.  And respecting boundaries is also important.

[Nero]

"Golden Rule" my friend.  Some of the things listed (in the link above) are "not abusive" if they result from mutual consent.

Actually I might have to disagree with this. It could be said that many abusive relationships are mutual consenting ones. I saw a documentary once where a woman actually signed a contract with her husband stating that she be his slave and accept his abuse. That doesn't mean her life was enriched by this action merely because she didnt have the ability to see through its nonsense. She was still a slave, and said herself that at the time she only signed on to this horrible agreement because she had no sense of self worth.

Something to think about.

I'd concede that the things listed on that site are subject to different forms of severity but I'd say they're all abusive. And since there are people who stay in abusive relationships that cant see how bad things are because theyre so used to it (boil the frog slowly and it wont know what hit it) then that persons perspective and 'consent' are a very shaky way of determining how bad the situation truly is.

Wow, that's sad. 

What's your opinion on the resiliency factor? Think you can tell?

[Nero]

No. What's it about?

Oh and what personality types can and can't take abuse? (not that I'm planning on ever doing it again; just analyzing stuff in my past)

[Trixie]

Both of my ex's were very emotionally manipulative and hurtful. Lot's of bad stuff.

[Edge]

The healthier one's self esteem is, the more resilient to abuse. I think what other stresses are going on also have an effect since things tend to build up. That said, there is no personality type that "can take" abuse. No one should have to. From a personal experience standpoint, I have yet to meet an abuse survivor who hasn't been affected by it in some way, but I also haven't met everyone in the world, so that's debatable. Regardless, the people who are more resilient to abuse are also the ones least likely to take it.
Also, I should point out that when I say healthier self esteem, I mean real self esteem and not pseudo self esteem. If I could remember how to describe the difference, I would, but I suck at words.

[Edge]

Hmm. I can try. Some people act really confident and as if they like themselves, but their actions suggest otherwise. For example, some people act confident, but they stay in unhealthy relationships because they don't believe they deserve better. Some people act confident, but try to make others weaker in an attempt to make themselves feel stronger and in control because they themselves feel weak and out of control. Does that make sense?