Confidence

[JenSquid]

Here's a question: How has transitioning affected your self confidence? Has it helped, or was your confidence largely unchanged? I'm especially curious as to those who may have been timid or insecure beforehand. I'm often afraid of judgment because for years I've felt embarrassed by who I am. As such, I'm curious if the process of transitioning helped anyone in that regard, or if that is something that has to be tackled separately. After all, you must like yourself better after transitioning, otherwise you wouldn't have done it, right?

[Natkat]

partly yes, it have help on points of my confidence, but on other points it have remain the same,
I still tend to be shy at times, or press myself to hard like I do before. things like that havent change.

[crazy at the coast]

I was pretty insecure before transition and somewhat timid. Initially after starting transition it got way worse and then a few things happened that made it to where I didn't even want to leave the house. But after some time, I got to where I would go out more, be more social with people, strangers included, but still had some periods where I had problems. Then I went way out on a limb and got a job working with the public and since its where I live, many knew I was trans. There were some rough spots here and there for a bit, but now I have a lot more confidence and I actually like meeting and talking to new people and keeping in touch with people I already knew. There are even a few women seeking me out as a friend once they've gotten to know me a bit better. I'm still a bit insecure, but I push past it as much as possible and try not to think about whether people know or what they may think about my being trans because really, it doesn't matter so much.

[Nero]

I was an attractive woman. Now I'm a short, stocky dude. Do the math.

[big kim]

I was very introverted in male role,I'm much more confident as a female.I found working with the public gave me more confidence.

[JoanneB]

I know my self confidence and self esteem greatly increased. Not sure which came first. Both I figure was largely due to shedding a lot of the shame and guilt over who I am. This I think was crucial.

[JenSquid]

I was an attractive woman. Now I'm a short, stocky dude. Do the math.

y₁ = 2x² + 4x + 2
y₂ = 6x - 4

...so if going from attractive woman to fat guy equals less confidence, then maybe going from fat guy to attractive woman equals more confidence?
x -1 =
YES!

Sorry. 

Ok, dumb jokes aside, I'd find that pretty devastating, but then I'm heading the opposite direction you are. I think that would have some effect on the outcome. Do you feel better about yourself?
I know I need to do something about my lack of self-worth. I feel like I fail as a man because I'm incompetent at the role I'm expected to perform: it feels forced and unnatural, so I end up doing a poor impersonation of it. I hate how I look, always have, and have never desired to look masculine. It's a big part of why I've always hated dressing formally. In both cases, I feel embarrassed by myself. Like I should have been different. It's hard to feel confident about yourself when you don't like who you are. The thought that I'd like myself better as female makes me wonder if being female would improve my self-confidence, -esteem, and -efficacy, or is that being over-optimistic?

[Nero]

I was an attractive woman. Now I'm a short, stocky dude. Do the math.

y₁ = 2x² + 4x + 2
y₂ = 6x - 4

...so if going from attractive woman to fat guy equals less confidence, then maybe going from fat guy to attractive woman equals more confidence?
x -1 =
YES!

Sorry. 

Ok, dumb jokes aside, I'd find that pretty devastating, but then I'm heading the opposite direction you are. I think that would have some effect on the outcome. Do you feel better about yourself?
I know I need to do something about my lack of self-worth. I feel like I fail as a man because I'm incompetent at the role I'm expected to perform: it feels forced and unnatural, so I end up doing a poor impersonation of it. I hate how I look, always have, and have never desired to look masculine. It's a big part of why I've always hated dressing formally. In both cases, I feel embarrassed by myself. Like I should have been different. It's hard to feel confident about yourself when you don't like who you are. The thought that I'd like myself better as female makes me wonder if being female would improve my self-confidence, -esteem, and -efficacy, or is that being over-optimistic?

Well, my dip in confidence is a little complex. If you feel like venturing into my blog.

I do think it's being over-optimistic. You're going to have a lot of new confidence issues as a female. Most women don't like their bodies and never feel good enough. One thing with trans women I've noticed is that she might go one of two ways with that:

a. because she didn't grow up with the understanding that her worth is based on her looks (culturally), she may be more confident than the average cis woman

b. she's just as miserable about her appearance (or worse!) as cis women with an added dose of insecurity over 'male' features

I think like cis women, the older she is the less stock she'll place on her appearance. Possibly. Some middle aged women really suffer over their sudden invisibility.

I think it's good to be aware of these issues going in. The whole looks thing is the female world equivalent to the masculinity thing. It's the primary thing women (and men) judge you on. It's different though. Because while theoretically, a guy can always 'become more of a man' through behavior, deeds, etc. There's little a woman can do about the looks she was born with. Plus, those looks are depreciating day by day.

[Beth Andrea]

I was an attractive woman. Now I'm a short, stocky dude. Do the math.

That's like asking, "Johnny can walk 4 miles per hour, and the distance to the movie theater is .5 miles...how many apples does Suzy have?



*hugs*

Re: the OPQ: I am much less insecure with myself, although I am still a bit of a wallflower. But now at least I don't detest myself as the reason for being a wallflower.

[Kayla]

I'm more confident in myself since coming out. I feel I have better understanding of my thoughts, of my emotions, I feel like I relate to people better, and for the first time in a while I don't feel I'm trying to impress anyone. Likewise, for the first time I am seriously considering my future and not just going through motions. Internally, I have never felt more confident in myself and my beliefs.

Conversely, since transitioning, I'm more nervous when I am in social settings. I always fear that someone may recognize me from years ago, my voice may not pass, someone may see some masculine feature to my face or body. I'm worried that if I don't pass well enough it could be made fun of by bigots or assaulted. Socially, I'm a nervous wreck and I do my best to just stay calm enough to not attract attention.

[Nero]

.

Conversely, since transitioning, I'm more nervous when I am in social settings. I always fear that someone may recognize me from years ago, my voice may not pass, someone may see some masculine feature to my face or body. I'm worried that if I don't pass well enough it could be made fun of by bigots or assaulted. Socially, I'm a nervous wreck and I do my best to just stay calm enough to not attract attention.

Me too. Well, not that I'm danger so much. I think part of it is that I never felt 'less than' or insecure around males before. My body was female, so I never paid attention to the differences between me and other guys. But now I feel a little 'small' when around big, tall, good looking guys and like I have to work so much harder to be dominant as a short, heavy dude. I don't think it'd be an issue if I grew up short.

I also don't like what I think they're assuming about me based on appearance. Like if I mention a girl, they ask if she was 'my first'. Like I was a virgin or something. And I'm far from a virgin so...
Course it may be because I look a lot younger than I am. I don't know. Also, they would never guess my past. I look like someone who has never been to jail or done dope. Like a kid basically. I actually got out of a charge because the cops could not believe I was someone who would be involved in dope.