I kid you not. 🙂 But everybody says that.
Oh, lets get explicit. I have a picture of Osama Bin Laden on my fridge. It's the same picture of Osama Bin Laden everybody's seen a thousand times, it's the black and white one that's on the FBI's own 'Wanted' poster of him. It was actually mailed to my home by the Bush administration, printed on a bit of 'look how well we are doing in this War on Terror' propaganda. So I cut it out and stuck it on the fridge. Mixed in with a bunch of postcards and cartoons and family photos. (At this point in the story, people either think that's perfectly reasonable or they are offended and demand to know why I'd do such a thing. I did it for obtuse and deep artistic reasons and for a laugh, so the only appropriate answer is, "Because it amused me." I didn't do it because I love Osama Bin Laden.) So, none of my family and friends think anything of this picture, but in October I've got a lot of people coming in giving estimates for a furnace. In January the FBI and a county sheriff's deputy knock on my door and the FBI-guy says that Americans are being extra-vigilent and somebody said I had stuff around that made me seem like I might be a 'terrorist sympathizer' and that I had 'weapons.' I was stunned to laughter, 'cause when I let them in I was sure they were gonna tell me that they'd found the corpse of the woman next door out just past the Kansas border, her boyfriend is kinda creepy. Anyway, I said all I had was this picture and a machete and the FBI guy mutters, "all mixed in with the family photos," like he's quoting somebody. They didn't say they wanted to look at my fridge door and my machete, but it was really obvious that those things were what they expected to see, and they left happy. Later I called the paper about it and posted about it on an email list which caused a radio-guy to ask me for an interview, but the newspaper reporter never responded and the radio guy lost interest when I told him I wasn't angry with the FBI. The law-enforcement guys were very polite and pleasant to deal with, really, and I feel kinda bad for them. All that training and hassle to get a job where you think you can protect people, and you're investigating some funny-lookin' guy-girl's fridge door, I figure those two guys had it worse than I did.