Enough time?

[sarahb]

When I come out at work in about 6-8 months, which is also the time I plan on having FFS, I am planning on giving them 1 month's notice. I've read in other places that it's wise to give your workplace like 6 or 8 month's notice. Although I understand the reasoning, I would feel too awkward sitting around for 8 months still portraying myself as male until I fully transtion to female. What do you think about 1 month? Is that too little? What did you do?

Thanks in advance

Sarah

[Lucy]

Sarah, I havent come out at work yet Only a very small number of people know but If I had to do it then a month I would think in my situation would be enough. I do think that if you are having FFS then having the time off for that and comming back to work as Sarah is an excellent idea, that way there will be no confusion.

Good Luck
Lucy

[Chandra21]

Coming out at work is probably goin to be the hardest thing I'll have to, personally. I won't have to worry about coming out at school because I intend to get my name legal changed and go to college next september as a woman... So coming out there won't be neccessary... work however is a doozy. I myself have been considering doing so but I am scared a little. I actually skipped work today, because I made the vow to be a woman, exclusively from now on. I'm thinking of telling my job worker first... and then going with her to talk with my boss about having my coworkers treat me like a female. I, personally, am not at the point where surgery is an option. Its expensive and I can't afford it... but I know it is what I want. So coming out for me will be lightyears in advance.

I guess the point i'm trying to make is that it is a hard decision to make... but there is no wrong time to come out, as long as you prepare for it. ^_^

[cindianna_jones]

Sarah, I don't think that there are any hard and fast rules.  Sometimes I think sooner is best.  I agree that it makes everyone uncomfortable to wait for the change to come.  But there may be some real logistical problems your employer will have to deal with.  I might suggest that you talk with your HR representative about how much time the company needs for this preparation.  That way you don't put them in a bind.

My experience was a disaster... but that was twenty two years ago.  A lot has changed since then.  I confided in my HR director and requested a transfer to another location out of state. We had known each other for a few years and she betrayed my confidence. She told my management and got my church involved.  One thing led to another and I felt that as long as everyone knew, that I may as well go full time.  It eventually all fell apart.

Do everything you can do to make sure that your announcement is planned and executed in a reasonable way.  If you don't you might end up in a looney bin..... I know from personal experience!

My best to you.

Cindi

[seldom]

It would be a good idea to check if your state has a non-discrimination policy and informing your employer of it if you do come out.
It may not garuntee anything, but informing your employer if it is there is a good idea. 

I would say informing HR the sooner the better is not a bad idea.  Like it has been said it gives them time to prepare.  Not everybody, but coming out to HR is important. 

I came out extremely early, I have yet to go full time, but I had questions and issues with insurance.  I also work for an extremely progressive employer.   

[Robyn]

Developing a transition plan with your HR Department is a good idea.  Don't just blurt it all out to your boss one day. 

Might be good to buy one of the work transition books now.  For sure, check out HRC/NCTE's transition pamphlet.

Best wishes.

Robyn

[Kate]

Sarah,

If you plan on going fulltime after FFS - and you'll probably have to - one month may not be enough time for management to prepare for that. They may feel very rushed to get policies and procedures in place and feel cornered if you already have a fulltime date. Every workplace is different of course, but I figure the more time they have to prepare, the more they'll appreciate it. That doesn't mean you have to come out to employees before FFS of course, so only management would know until shortly before the Big Day - or whatever you and they decide is best.

But simply walking in one day and declaring that you're going to be coming to work as a woman in four weeks... probably not the best idea. I know if I was a manager, I'd be really angry if my employee had known about this for months and months and was only giving me a month's notice to figure out bathroom issues, how to tell the rest of the company, plan for name changes, etc.

Find out everything you can first though about laws in your area which might protect you, as well as your corporate policies for discrimination and all. Get some sort of "package" together now, just in case you're outed before you were ready. Identify who you should approach first... sometimes THEY will help you figure out what's best to do and when.

~Kate~

[sarahb]

The place I work is a relatively small company, about 25 people or so, and we are a close-knit family, of sorts. One problem with going to the HR department first is that the HR person is married to one of the owners of the company (sheesh) so i'm pretty sure she would somehow blurt it out over dinner conversation or something. I had already planned on getting the three owners and the one HR person into a room and present them a prepared statement about all of this, so the "who" and "how" of coming out at work is pretty much set. As far as the "when" is concerned, unfortunately I would have to agree that 1 month, especially in my industry and the place I work, would not be enough. I think I will most likely go with 2 months, which should be plenty of time, I hope.

Thank you all for your help!

[Ms.Behavin]

I work in a small 16 person firm, we're all family.  For me it was a month, and a long one too, between the time I told HR and everyone else.  But it passed and I've been out for a month and while the first few hours are interesting.  Everyone is pretty well adjusting to the new girl in the office.

[HelenW]

Sarah,

I think you ought to present your case to management, tell them that you'd like to do it in 2 months and then tell them that the actual date is flexible and can be moved up or down according to their needs.  Then let them tell you what they think, if they disagree, and you can go from there.

Since most states still have no laws against firing people that are trans, it behooves the transitioning employee to accommodate their company's wishes as much as they can.  And, it shows that you are being reasonable and rational about it which goes a long way towards their not deciding you're a lunatic or something.

This is what I've done with my coming out to management and so far it has worked ok.

hugs & smiles
helen

[Renae.Lupini]

the sooner the better. It gives management time to learn all they need to know and to let everyone else know in due time as well. That should be done only with your approval too. My employer was amazing with me. Everything went just as planned and now i have reached the point where the apprehension and looks are a thing of the past. It all comes down to your personal comfort level though. When you are ready to tell them, you will.

[MeganRose]

I told my employer of my intention to transition at work on the first day back to work in the new year (first new year's resolution I ever made ). I told them I was willing to wait 2-3 months if that was what they needed. And their answer?  You don't need to wait that long, how about the 15th of this month?

Needless to say I was rather impressed.

Megan