Hello. I would just like to say thanks for this site.
This is the first time ever I openly admit that I am transgendered. I am a female trapped in a male body. Cliche' I know but if the shoe fits. I really feel as though I can't do anything about it at this point in my life. It is hard to explain but women's clothes, long hair and the removal of body hair just feel natural. I am per say not attracted to men in general so even if I were female, I would be an extremely feminine lesbian (hope that don't offend anyone). That is the really confusing part that I can't explain. My life would be a dream of someone wanting to transform from female to male. I guess we all have our crosses to bear though. I have been in therapy and thought that might help but cannot open up to someone else face to face and make up other excuses for the depression I suffer from. I just don't have that much courage yet. So still on it goes with the anti depressants and xanax.
I am very spiritual and if identifying with any religion it would be Gnosticism. Because I believe that there was a Christ (but many other spiritual teachers before and to come after also) and in reincarnation and that our spirits are neither male nor female but with both attributes. I believe that spiritually we choose over time one gender role we incarnate with that we are most comfortable. I feel my spirit happens to indentify female. From studying the subject we have to experience the opposite gender attributes every so often. For whatever reason this incarnation of mine happens to be male physically. Sounds crazy I know, but life experiences have led me to this conclusion. I've studied Buddhism in Korea. Studied and read about past life regressions. Meditated on my own and so on. The question that I ponder is; Am I supposed to be male physically or am I supposed to break the bonds of the perceptions of society and truly be who I am on the inside? Only I can answer these questions just like I can't tell someone else how to live their lives and how to present themselves in the world but openheartedly will accept advice. Wow, that does sound crazy, but I'm going to leave this part in because that also makes me who I am.
So hopefully here I can be Jessica and my true self until I can get the courage to be who I truly am.
