Ill spill alittle bit about my life and maybe this will help you.I was never the *tomboy* as the term is
used.At least i didnt feel that way or see it that way.For me,it means a girl who likes boy things/clothes and so on. (forgive me im tired so i hope i dont come off wrong,ill make sure to explain anything.) I would play football with my male cousins and would kick their a**'s everytime,i literaly lived in a tree that was right outside of my parents house,when i did have boyfriends,i had no attraction to them at all other then *what my religious up bringing told me i should do* i never felt comfortable in dress's or any female formal wear and even looked awkward because of my body build.I have had PCOS since puberty and because of that,i had a male build,look and so on.Of course i do not believe this had anything to do with the PCOS.When i would have my *female time* i would become literaly sick in body,my stomach would cramp up *not the uterus but my stomach* and i would end up in the bathroom.This still happens btw.I was always the a** kicker in high school and my local area as a teen *only when picked on by a bully mind you*. I was never the helpless female that many men and others took me as.Though i was much later as my life got worse in other
ways.My life as a female was never,ever and i do stress NEVER good,at all.Other then my 2 kids (mind you i turned around and had them taken from me by their father and my own mother and for no reason at all so) it was like fate had kept me down under its heel until i started to transition.I was raised knowing nothing about gender,sex,music,clothing and if i stepped into any area not taught to me (i was always taught hatred for anything that isnt how god made it--wont go there but im sure many know the religious biggets out there) then i was pushed back with some harsh
punishment.As i became a teen though,even agianst what i was *taught* i could not help this overwhelming attraction to woman and not in a *omg this is wrong* type way but a *this feels right and that i should be here* type way.i honestly do not see myself as *gay* at all.When i thought about making love to someone *fantasies* it was always as a male and that is no lie.Idk how many times i was mistaken for a man over the phone and i wasnt even on hormones.When i did take them and had to stop for some reason,my body would become non functional in the sense that,my *female time* wouldnt even start again,i would become sick yet again without it,my body literaly would protest.I spent most of my life a confused mess on what was wrong with me or why people treated me like this mass of confusion *are they male or female? how do we address them,how do we deal with them*. i was ALWAYS the hated of any female unless it was love/relationship based.i NEVER had a female friend,unless i dated
them.It was like when they got around me,they completely changed,they would devour me per say or attack me with words,physically,became distant or just didnt want to be around me at all,like i would give them some kind of sickness.Males on the other hand,i was very comfortable around,loved doing male things,got along with them but in a friend only way.I could not STAND make up,or anything concidered a girl thing.Mind you i tried it ALL and i tried SOOO hard to put on sexy clothes,lose any extra weight,wear make up,talk a certain way and walk a certain way but no matter how hard i tried,no one ever cared or noticed.the most i could ever get out of a man was sex,thats it.i am 36 years old and since i was 14 *been dating since then* i have never found a good man,only one real commitment,never been married.that only honest commitment i enjoyed and knew felt right,was with a woman who came to live with me years ago.After i had finally picked my male name *which was a few days ago* i went to bed after some soul searching and i literally had a dream of that name becoming MINE-ME,becoming whole *had other dreams but wont go into those* i am finally confident in who i am and was ment to
be.It is not about the things you do but who you are INSIDE.A woman can work on dump trucks for a living,does that make her a man? no but if she stands in confidence and says *i know inside that i am a man and i have no doubts about that* then she can wear a dress with sparkles but she will still be a man inside.we all express ourselves differently and there is no norm to how this should be done for
anyone.you will know and when you reach that point,there wont be no need to ask or think twice.that is when your personal journey will start.i wish you luck
