Trans and mental illness (possible trigger warning)

[Simon]

I have Bipolar disorder (type II). I was diagnosed when I was fifteen (I was in a mental hospital for self harm issues) and that was also around the time being trans was also heavily on the forefront of my mind constantly. I know there are people who disagree with my viewpoint on the subject and that is fine, but I believe being a transsexual (dealing with the dysphoria especially) is a mental illness. Our hormone therapy and surgeries are what alleviate the symptoms because the medical community has nothing else to offer us that will.

My question is, does anyone else have a mental illness (no, you don't have to say what it is if you're uncomfortable doing so) that is unrelated to being trans? If so, do you also think of being trans as another mental illness or something possibly effected by the mental illness you have? 

[Trixie]

Depression, Asperger's and ADD, for me.

[Brooke777]

ADHD and Bipolar I. Though, the Bipolar has not been an issue since I started transition. Yay!

[Joe.]

Interesting topic Simon. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I also have anger issues which I know isn't a mental illness but I flip off the rails very rapidly. The depression was caused by things completely unrelated to being trans but I do think subconsciously the problems I had with my gender were probably a contributing factor. I didn't know what being trans meant and I didn't know that this was what I was until a couple of years ago. I don't agree that being trans is a mental illness but my mental illness makes it hard to deal with being trans sometimes.

Joey

[Elspeth]

One, there's an important distinction to be made between a disorder and an illness. Illness implies a cure is possible.  My therapist and I discussed this at length, and fortunately he was not one of those who subscribes to a purely medical model. Many things (like ADHD) that laypeople might describe as an "illness" are just variations in normal human functioning, and from the history of Two Spirit roles and such in various cultures, I assume that trangendered identities are probably the same, something that affects a minority (in the case of transgendered identities, a very tiny minority) of people. It's far too early to conclude from the limited and often biased research that's been done so far exactly what the biological, genetic or other factors might be that are at play here. I doubt it's a complete fluke, though, that I have a son who is FTM, with some of the same issues about androgyny that I have, coming from an MTF experience.

I was diagnosed as Bipolar much later on, as a result of a therapist thinking that despite my expressed concerns I was anything other than depressed and anxious... I do tend to wonder whether in the long run there might be some other changes made in diagnosis. Mine only came about due to the profound mania that affected me after less than 2 weeks on the SSRI, Celexa.

I do tend to think that many of the triggers for my depressive bouts have come from feeling trapped in a society that does not cope effectively or compassionately with either women or transgendered individuals, but I refuse to make any more of it than that, for my own peace of mind.  It strikes me as a way of thinking that simply fuels the sorts of things that tend to amplify depressive moods, considered in the context of cognitive behavioral therapy, which has been, aside from meditation, perhaps the only really effective approach to handling those depressive thoughts.

Possibly, if I could manage to move forward with the practical steps of transition (HRT in particular) I might also see some improvements from that.

[Beth Andrea]

For myself, it's like "which came first, the chicken or the egg"...am I trans because I'm mentally ill, or am I mentally ill because I'm trans?

Although my minds wrestle with it, my heart just sings a line from Lady Gaga..."Baby, you were born this way!"

[Simon]

For myself, it's like "which came first, the chicken or the egg"...am I trans because I'm mentally ill, or am I mentally ill because I'm trans?

This^

I am having an extremely hard time at the moment an I'm not sure if it has to do with Bipolar, trans, or what. I did manage to leave the house for the first time in over six weeks on Saturday. Even if it was just to the grocery store, it's a start.

[AlexD]

I have depression and Asperger's Syndrome, and some social anxiety for good measure.

The depression is a consequence of the AS. I was rejected and bullied by my peers as a child, and it's left me with a total lack of self-confidence or self-worth. I think that my gender issues are at the very least influenced by it as well. I've often felt that if I didn't have AS and thus had access to normal social development as a kid, I'd probably be a happy, cisgendered, maybe even heterosexual, woman. Instead I'm a suicidal, trans-something, asexual/gynephilic freak. I know that it's controversial to suggest that childhood experiences can influence sexual orientation or gender identity, but that's just how it feels for me.

There's also the symptoms of AS itself. It robs me of social skills, makes me literal-minded and good at understanding systems... it essentially gives me a stereotypically masculine brain. In light of that, it's no wonder I don't feel like a female.


As for whether or not ->-bleeped-<- is a mental illness... (I'd say it's more of a disorder, like AS, rather than an illness, but that's splitting hairs, and probably isn't strictly true for all trans* individuals.) Mental illness can be pretty tough to define, but the definition that I think works best is that it's a set of thoughts and/or behaviours that make everyday function a huge struggle. Under that definition, ->-bleeped-<- is absolutely a mental illness. I don't think this means that the ideal cure would be to make us cis, however. Transition usually alleviates the dysphoria that makes getting through the day a struggle for trans* folks, and that makes it an appropriate cure.

[Beth Andrea]

I have a hard time leaving my place too...unless it's for work or to see my friends, I really have to tighten myself down or else my anxieties take over.

But, once I realized that testosterone is an actual poison for "us", it didn't matter which came first...We *need* to transition, if for nothing else but just to take away that poison.

[spacerace]

I am having an extremely hard time at the moment an I'm not sure if it has to do with Bipolar, trans, or what. I did manage to leave the house for the first time in over six weeks on Saturday. Even if it was just to the grocery store, it's a start.

I know how you are feeling, exactly. I also have to deal with bipolar disorder - when I am dealing with the downswing of it I have crippling social anxiety. Going to the grocery store has also  been a huge step for me at times too (self checkout helps, hah) , which seems really silly to people who don't understand what it is like to deal with this.  I just had to deal with a medication change after a long period of depression. Winter really seems to trigger it.

I think being trans exacerbates the feelings mood disorders cause, for sure. I don't think being trans is itself a mental illness, but it complicates existing problems significantly. The life of every trans person is anxiety and depression inducing at times, and stuff we have to deal with  can probably even trigger mood disorder issues that would have remained latent if we were cisgendered.

But for people that have genetic and environmental causes that lead to extreme mood disorders that sometimes cause hospitalization and mandate being on very strong medication to keep it in check, it really means we have to fight multiple fronts of our wars with our selves at the same time, constantly.

I especially don't like people around me who have helped me get through extremely rough patches thinking being trans is just another facet of some manic phase I went through, because it allows them to discount it, when it reality, transitioning actually helps me get through life significantly.

[Beth Andrea]

when it reality, transitioning actually helps me get through life significantly

Yay! An affirmation of what I've been saying for the past 18 months!

*hugs*

[Simon]

I know that it's controversial to suggest that childhood experiences can influence sexual orientation or gender identity, but that's just how it feels for me.

I agree with that statement. I think people are products of their environments in many cases. I'm not sure how/if my upbringing contributed to me being trans though. I was never socialized as a child. Never had a birthday party, sleepover, joined a sports team, etc and to this day I have a hard time being social or in social situations.

I know how you are feeling, exactly. I also have to deal with bipolar disorder - when I am dealing with the downswing of it I have crippling social anxiety. Going to the grocery store has also  been a huge step for me at times too (self checkout helps, hah) , which seems really silly to people who don't understand what it is like to deal with this.  I just had to deal with a medication change after a long period of depression. Winter really seems to trigger it.

I think being trans exacerbates the feelings mood disorders cause, for sure. I don't think being trans is itself a mental illness, but it complicates existing problems significantly. The life of every trans person is anxiety and depression inducing at times, and stuff we have to deal with  can probably even trigger mood disorder issues that would have remained latent if we were cisgendered.

I hate to see that someone else goes through this but it is nice to not feel alone. I'm in a downswing currently. I have a physical condition too and have to travel to Washington DC in a few weeks...by myself...for a after surgery follow up. I am freaking out about it, big time. It is hard for people to understand who don't go through it. You're so right about that. It's hard to seek help or ask for help also.

Maybe that is what I am experiencing. The Bipolar is being exacerbated by the trans. I'm not sure. I'm currently not on medication because I refuse it. My physical illness is rare and the last time I was on medication my kidney tumors grew rapidly. The docs aren't certain if that had anything to do with the heavy doses of anti psychotic drugs I was prescribed so now I am afraid to take anything.

[FTMDiaries]

Asperger's, depression, anxiety. Not a pleasant combination, particularly if you're trans.

I find it difficult to cope with change because of Asperger's, but I need to transition.

I'm very depressed atm because a) the medical profession is dragging its heels with my transition, and b) my home life is going to hell in a handbasket.

Which makes me highly anxious... which makes me depressed... and round & round it goes. 

[AlexD]

I agree with that statement. I think people are products of their environments in many cases. I'm not sure how/if my upbringing contributed to me being trans though. I was never socialized as a child. Never had a birthday party, sleepover, joined a sports team, etc and to this day I have a hard time being social or in social situations.

Yeah, I know how you feel. Thanks to the AS I never got a chance to do that stuff either, and on the rare occasions I did, I was acutely aware of how little I fit in with the other kids. The way they thought and behaved was just so alien to me, especially during adolescence, that I wonder if I'd been born male if I'd still feel dysphoric anyway, just because that alienation taught me to identify as Other.

Asperger's, depression, anxiety. Not a pleasant combination, particularly if you're trans.

Hah, so true. AS is a particular bitch to have alongside gender dysphoria, because people tend to assume you're just too broken or stupid to understand gender roles, and that if only they could teach you how to wear make-up or get you to try on a flattering dress, you'd suddenly "get it" and the dysphoria would vanish.

[Trixie]

I also have anxiety issues, actually. I'm not sure why I did not mention that. I need to take medication for it, but I haven't been on the medication for a while. Months. I think it'd do me well to try to get back on. I was never supposed to stop taking them, and I'm paying for it now.

[Edge]

I'm an abuse survivor which is not specifically a mental illness, but I can trace all (or almost all) my psychological problems to it. I can describe in detail what's wrong and how it went wrong.
For me, being trans is a completely different thing, but I also understand that other people's mental disorders are less environmentally caused than mine and perhaps being trans can be compared to those. I don't know.

[Nero]

Just addiction issues and social anxiety (most probably caused by girls), possible PTSD from grief. They tried to say I had other stuff when I was hospitalized at 14 (like antisocial personality; yeah I'm a real sociopath  ). Put me on a ton of heavy meds.

I'd say none of the issues I have are organic. And none were present before my GID. There's no history of addiction or alcoholism in my family either. The addictions and psychological torment from females are probable effects of GID/being trans, etc. I simply haven't been through anything to cause any mental issues. No abuse or anything (unless you count corporal punishment). The worst thing in my childhood was going through puberty. My problems seem to all stem from being trans and started at puberty.

[Adam (birkin)]

I've gotten some diagnoses in my time, but I'm a little hesitant to act as though they mean anything. I know where the majority of my issues came from. I was diagnosed with major depression disorder as a teenager, but the reason I felt that way was because I was in love with a female friend, it wasn't reciprocated (that was the biggest thing), and it was obviously making me afraid because I didn't want to be a "lesbian." I was also dealing with some very unhealthy dynamics in the home.

And the other times counsellors and doctors suggested I had depression, there were reasons to feel that way as well. I was put on anti-depressants because I had my T letter but didn't start T because I wanted my family to be OK with it. That would wear down on anyone, especially as I never passed. And then there was after my breakup...well, that was a major loss, since both of us planned to get married...it was really just a question of when we'd be able to do so.

So of course I felt depressed, lost, and so on and so forth in those situations. If they hadn't have gone down the way they did, maybe I'd have been much better off.

But the one diagnosis I can agree with is anxiety. it does seem to be a persistent issue, even when things are generally fine. It's something I'm constantly working on, and it's something that runs in my family.

[eli77]

I have an anxiety disorder which I medicate nowadays. My sister, my mum, my aunts, and my cousin all have it, so the origins of that one are pretty clear.

I have a tendency towards major depression, courtesy of my dad's side. The trans thing was among the triggers for my two episodes.

I also have a diagnosis for borderline personality disorder, which I think is garbage. It was just the dysphoria getting mislabeled.

I would say being trans is a contributing factor to my issues I guess.

I tend to place my transsexualism more in the same category as my migraines. It has a psychological impact, but a physiological origin. But that's really just a guess. As always we need more research to know for sure.

[Natkat]

My question is, does anyone else have a mental illness (no, you don't have to say what it is if you're uncomfortable doing so) that is unrelated to being trans? If so, do you also think of being trans as another mental illness or something possibly effected by the mental illness you have?

I have (or at least) been dignosed with asperger, its not an mentall illness but a handicap. at least for where I live (I see some people disagree on it)
I dont think its related to being trans cause I grew up in autism comunetys and even amount 100 of other poeple with simular dignose I still felt alone/misunderstood with the fellings of my gender , but I do think that many transgender folks can be dignosed with autism cause we have alot of things in common who could be cause of being trans. ex I where very much alone when I where a kid and now I wont decribe myself as being asocial. the reason back then was because it was better for me to be a guy in my head than to face the world as a girl. also I had a short temper which I dont have anymore and in general isnt in my nature, but not being yourself can simple be frustrating and it made very angry at times. I dont say transgender people cant be ADHD,autism and so on, Im just saying that for my own view I am sceptical cause I see simularety on these "typical trans things" on how transpeople react if there not understood, and the typical signs of autism people.
maybe there could also be biological facts with more people getting autism if there transgender cause it said autism people usunally have more of a male brain (which is why so many guys compared to girls get the dignose) but again I dont belive we are we can say anything about that yet as we dont know enough about the brain.
---
I dont know if I have anything beside, I probably have but I never been tested for it.
I am general sceptical of the dignose system cause I feel it overused so I dont put much into it, I use to teel people I am blind in numbers, cause I have a problem with it, but I have never been dignose, I been dignose with asperger but I honestly dont feel I belong in the dignose so I dont really tell people that unless there asking something about my background the only mentall illness I belive is related to me being trans is depression.
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In my country transexualism is a mentall illness the same way homosexualety have been for 30 years ago.
I dont belive transgender as being a mentall illness, I belive its natural varientation for folks to be diffrent.
we arnt "opposite of each other" jing/jang, male/female, we are parts of each other,
thats how I see it and some accient culture have more gender free views who alllows trans* more than the modern world.

I think alot of the problem have been in people starting to put things in boxes and getting strange ideas.
the Christians got the bad eyes on the norse religious,
the nazi blames the jew, the white folks mistread the black. generally everything unusual which cant be understood are tend to be seen as "illness" even when its not.

I dont belive things as asperger being an illness either. the funny thing is the number in people getting the dignose grows alot, there could be 2 reasons for that. one is the logical one that there is more awareness and more people get dignosed, but science also suggest that its because its a mutation of humankinds.
a mutation is neither a illness nor a handicap, but in the current world we live in it can be a handicap cause there less in numbers.

if everyone had autism and you didnt you would be the one who got dignosed.
this is something funny to think about.