Finding it really hard

[Joe.]

Life feels so hard. I only have 2 friends, everyone else turned against me, began to hate me or betrayed me (not because I'm trans) and I have this fear that everyone else is going to do the same. I just feel so isolated from everyone. Nobody, literally nobody in the real world gets it or understands. I know it's common for this to happen, but I just feel so disconnected from everything. Sometimes I feel ok, and other times I feel real bad. I also can't decide on a name which is really bringing me down. I feel like I'm just a nobody at the moment because I can't find a name that fits me. I've gone through several guys names and there's a few I like but most of them just don't fit me and I think maybe I'm not a guy afterall. I picked Joey but now I feel it's too close to my old name. I'm worried that when I go to uni I'm not even gonna pass as a guy because I probably won't be on hormones by then and I'm scared that when I get referred to the gender clinic they're going to say I'm making it all up. I can't stand living in this body anymore. Before I realised I was trans I knew something wasn't right, but now that I have realised what it is that's so wrong, I hate it even more. Everything makes sense now but only in my own head. To everyone else it's this phase and I'm rushing it. I don't know where to turn.

Joey

[Nero]

The ability to choose a name easily has nothing to do with being a guy at all. If you took a bunch of cis guys and made them rename themselves, I bet most would have a difficult time too. Even if they never liked their given name. It's just not something most people ever have to face in our culture. It's a big decision, choosing your moniker for life.

I'd just forget about finding the perfect name and just go with what you like for now. Your name may find you.

[spacial]

Agreed about the name. But if I may suggest, we don't usualy pick our own names, so it's understandably difficult. But you run a risk of a block if you try to get it right.

You have picked Joe(y). That's a good name.

As for being alone and isolated, all I can do is completely sympatjise.

[Angela???]

Hello Joey, I have the same problem with the so called friends that I had, I now only have 2 male friends but I don't think I will have them for much longer when they find out about the real me! So I do understand how you feel about having no friends. The way I look at it is, they weren't true friend in the first place. I'm a littler luckyer as my wife is supporting me in my transition, and will stay with me through thick and thin. She loves me for me, and I love her for just being her. My wife is the only person in this world that knows everything about me, I hide nothing from her.
If I was you (and this is something that I am about to do) I would find a support group in your area. That way you will meet like minded people and start new friendships. Plus the support from the group will be a great help for both of us. I hope you find the friendships that we both crave for, as I am on a path very similar to yours!

All the best in your search for happyness

[moonrise]

Joey,
I feel very isolated and alone too.  I agree with you that not a single friend even comes close to understanding.   Most of the time I feel tolerated and not accepted.   Like you I too feel that this will never end and I'll forever be considered as " other"

[Misato]

Sounds like you're feeling very alone and isolated.  I think disconnected is a good word, given how much you want to find your name for sure.  If I follow, it sounds like if you had that it would be something, something important.

The part about the gender clinic saying you're making it all up is a familiar concern to me.  Transition is such a long road and there are so many oppertunities for problems.  Well I may not work at the clinic you'll be going to but I don't think you're making it up from this post alone.

[Angela???]

Joey,
I feel very isolated and alone too.  I agree with you that not a single friend even comes close to understanding.   Most of the time I feel tolerated and not accepted.   Like you I too feel that this will never end and I'll forever be considered as " other"

I am isolated, as i live on a small island call Tasmania, population of less than 500,000 people. S0 everyone thinks they know things  about everyone. Plus the rumors follow me where ever I go in this state. Not a good state to live in if your Trans! A lot of people here are bigots and not excepting of others for who they are, not what they look like! Just because I am becoming more and more of a women, dose not make me a bad person! But personal I try not to care what other people think, they don't pay my rent and their oppion of me is none of my business!
I too feel tolerated but never accepted, due to being something different about me, some people sence that you are different and will never accept you for who you are. Those people are not worth knowing!
As far as being considered as "other"  It don't worry me, least we are being true to ourselves, which is more important for our happiness. I am 44 this year and have been fighting a mental battle for 40 of those years. For me this is the only way to make myself happy and that is to aline my physical appearance with my true self.
I am willing to loose all my family (as they are religious)and all my male friends to make myself and my life happy. Seeing I have never been truly happy I need to do this, but I know I have to sacrifice something!
I am very lucky that I am a married girl, that has a wife that is willing to support me through my transition, no matter what I need to do. 
My wife is my one and only friend that truly understands how I feel, and the best bit is, she is Bi. So my wife has no problem living with a girl that she is legal married to! I am the stay at home mum/dad with our 5 month old boy, what a fantastic job I have! Love it!
I hope you find the peace that you are looking for, as I have only just started my journey to fullfill my life long dream of being a passable woman.
The journey will be long and slow but you will get there!
I feel your pain that's for sure, as I have been dealing with the same issues.

Hugs Angela

[JenSquid]

As others have said, I wouldn't worry too much about the name. Names can be difficult for anyone. If it helps, they actually make books of nothing but names, and although those tend to be aimed at either roleplaying or naming children, they can be  useful for all sorts of things. You might want to look into one of those if you're feeling short of options. Nevertheless, Joey seems like it would work, at least for now.

I understand feeling lonely. I've always had a very small group of friends, and during those times when we were distant, it was always very painful. Furthermore, even though I have friends these days, I still feel isolated simply because I seldom see them. Even then, there's sometimes this disconnect. I wish I could offer some solutions. Just know that you're not alone in feeling alone.

As for things feeling worse despite making more sense after realizing you're trans, I can sympathize entirely.

Hang in there.

[Jayne]

Hi Joey, as I said in our PM's, you've got my number & you can call anytime day or night.
You say you have 2 friends, if you haven't counted me in that number then you can change that to 3 friends.

Stay safe, you're not alone as we're all with you

Jayne & Poopie

[Jayne]

If you're struggling for a name that feels right try this link, choose a word that you think sums you up & type it in, it will tell you any names linked to that word, this may help you to find a name that feels right.

http://www.bounty.com/baby-names/name-meaning