Im a lesbian dating a ftm

[Jaideddisaster]

Im a 22 y/o lesbian female.. I have been now since i was 15 only with women. I dated guys when i was young but since as early as i could remember i never liked guys and always have been attracted to women. I came out as a lesbian when i was 15 to my family.. When i was 13 i told my parents i liked girls even though i dated guys, so at the time i said i was bi. Coming out was very difficult because i never gave my family reason to ever think i was a lesbian. I am very feminine. For them it was out of the blue.... I have been an out lesbian now for 7 years. Everyone that knows me knows.

Currently i am datin this amazingly beautiful woman, that i adore.... But, she just told me she is transitioning to be a man. She has been taking t shots now for 6months. I would have never guessed!!!! She looks like a swimsuit model. The only inclination i may have had is that she has leg hair on the back of her legs and a muscular back/upper body.. But its not even so excessive that ypu would give any reason to think. Im so heartbroken and confused now!!!! She said she wants to have top surgery and cut her hair and continue the t shots and going to the gym. But i dont want to be with a man! Im a lesbian! She is amazing in everyway. She is so good to me and i love her so much but as who she is as i met her. Not as a him... She said she wont get bottom surgery for me but i
Scared and confused.. Will she look so much like a man she will be unrecognizable??? She compared it to me having dated masculine looking women,.. But she wants to change her name to a man too. Perhaps she is sugar coating the transition in fear of losing me, but im also angry that she didnt tell me this before i fell in love. I wouldnt mind if she wanted to be androgynous or an AG type lesbian.. But in her mind she is a straight man. Idk what to do.. How much will the t shots alone change her physical appearance?? Will that alone make her look like a man? I mean, shes been on it for 6 months now and only looks more muscular which any woman could do going to the gym. I dont want to be selfish because i love her and want her to be happy within herself but what does this mean for me?? If i stay am i straight? Or bi? Or still a lesbian cause she techinically is still going to be a girl.. Not to say she wont ever want bottom surgery. The thought of her becoming a man makes me want to cry because she is so beautiful and perfect the way she is naturally now. Idk what to do or think!! Help!!!!

[Adam (birkin)]

Ah...I really hate to burst your bubble but after enough time on T, he will look like a man. Almost all trans men are mostly indistinguishable from cisgender men after enough time on hormone treatment. Facial hair, body hair, body shape, skin texture, scent, voice, even the clitoris, all of that changes.

Of course, you can stay if you want - it doesn't change your orientation, but he might not take too kindly to you referring to the relationship as a lesbian relationship or relating to him as female.

I can agree on is he should have told you, and he should have been honest about being on hormones from the get go. Even when I wasn't sure I was going to transition, I told my partner that I was really a man, and that there was a good chance that down the road I would do something to make my body match my brain. I asked her if she would be OK with being with a man, if we lasted, and gave her the time to really think it over before we took our relationship any further.

[Jayr]

Ah...I really hate to burst your bubble but after enough time on T, he will look like a man. Almost all trans men are mostly indistinguishable from cisgender men after enough time on hormone treatment. Facial hair, body hair, body shape, skin texture, scent, voice, even the clitoris, all of that changes.

Of course, you can stay if you want - it doesn't change your orientation, but he might not take too kindly to you referring to the relationship as a lesbian relationship or relating to him as female.

I can agree on is he should have told you, and he should have been honest about being on hormones from the get go. Even when I wasn't sure I was going to transition, I told my partner that I was really a man, and that there was a good chance that down the road I would do something to make my body match my brain. I asked her if she would be OK with being with a man, if we lasted, and gave her the time to really think it over before we took our relationship any further.

My exact thoughts.

[tomthom]

The greatest thing one can ever have is to love and be loved in return. give it a chance, you'd be surprised with the plasticity of sexuality.

[Jaideddisaster]

This is all very hard. She says she wont do it cause she loves me.. She will compromise and perhaps only dress like a guy but i really love her truly and as much as i want that i dont want her to be unhappy with herself or himself rather bc of me... Its hard to wrap my head around. I never met anyone transgender before and im really trying to understand how she feels and trying to do more research. I know she loves me too if she is willing to sacrafice this for me. I mean, its a huge decision to make in the first place, but at the same time im also the first girl she has ever kissed in public and done certain things with although she has a gf for 5 years inwhich during she saw herself as a straight man as she says..also, when i told asked her what she thought i would say when she told me she said either i would leave or tell her to choose and she would choose me. It also makes me question how serious she is about it or if its just that she loves me so much. I found out that even before me she was very infrequent about her dr visits.. And she also said some of it also was because it would be easier for her to meet girls which was another one of her reasons.. Bc she is attracted to very feminine women... Perhaps now that she found me and i have sort of exposed her to more of what its like to be with a woman openly she feels differently? Idk ( taking into consideration she formerly lived in another country and had to hide her gender identity and sexuality ) she is also only 21.

I dont want to break up but i dont know if i can handle it or if i will still be attracted to her.. Sorry just need to vent. Perhaps i should just try.. I do love her so much

[Jaideddisaster]

Oh and the reason her ex left was cause she said she was straight and wanted a "normal" life with a man.

[tomthom]

communication is key. just try and stay calm and logical and it'll be fine. and it will take some time to get into our heads, we're an odd bunch, and we don't always make sense.

[Jayr]

I found out that even before me she was very infrequent about her dr visits.. And she also said some of it also was because it would be easier for her to meet girls which was another one of her reasons.. Bc she is attracted to very feminine women...

Oh and the reason her ex left was cause she said she was straight and wanted a "normal" life with a man.

Raised a red flag for me.
If someone told me that, I would question if they're actually suffering from transsexualism as well.
Picking up girls with more ease is not a reason to transition what so ever.

I'll let others reply to the rest because I suck at giving lengthy advice,
I just wanted to point that one thing out.

[Jaideddisaster]

Raised a red flag for me.
If someone told me that, I would question if they're actually suffering from transsexualism as well.
Picking up girls with more ease is not a reason to transition what so ever.

I'll let others reply to the rest because I suck at giving lengthy advice,
I just wanted to point that one thing out.

Transexualism?? Whats that and the difference? I hope i dont come across as ignorant. Just new to all of this. I appreciate the advice

[tomthom]

it could have just been an offhand comment about meeting women. I'm sure plenty of transsexuals don't police their mouths.

transgender is feeling as if your gender does not math your body, transsexualism is one who has completed or is in the process of changing their body to the other sex. these people may or may not be affected by ->-bleeped-<-, but on this board most if not all are.

[Jayr]

Transexualism?? Whats that and the difference? I hope i dont come across as ignorant. Just new to all of this. I appreciate the advice

A medical condition where your brain is male/female but your body is the opposite.
Don't know how else to put it. Ex. I was born with a female body but my brain is male.

Listen too tomthom, she seems to know what she's talking about XD

[Jaideddisaster]

Thankyou everyone i really appreciate all the advice. Any other suggestions or input are welcome! This is all very new and hard for me being the SO of someone trans. I think i will just take this all step by step. Love is love right? I hope our love can bring us past physicallity and sexuality. This will be a hard journey for me along side her hard journey... I hope it works out.i will keep posting as things arrive. Support is much needed!

[tomthom]

we'll be here if you need to vent or are confused or if you guys just need to cool down from eachother for a day or two.