The Queer Community Has to Stop Being Transphobic: Realizing My Cisgender Privil

[Shana A]

Todd Clayton
Student, Union Theological Seminary

The Queer Community Has to Stop Being Transphobic: Realizing My Cisgender Privilege
Posted: 02/27/2013 2:19 pm

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/todd-clayton/queer-community-transphobic_b_2727064.html

I used to be a transphobic gay man. In the fall of 2011, I was sitting in my car with a friend, parked in front of my yellow San Diego house, talking about dating and gay bars and all the new things I'd learned about myself since coming out the year before. At some point, trans* people came up. "I know I'm supposed to get it because I'm gay," I said, "but I just don't understand the whole trans* thing at all. It makes me feel so weird." I remember a co-worker telling me that her sibling had just come out as transgender and not knowing what to say to her. I remember making jokes. I remember feeling uncomfortable when trans* people would walk into the coffee shop. I am grateful to no longer be that person, yet I'm aware of the progress I still have to make. I must always be accountable to change.

Something seismic shifted inside me when I saw Matrix co-director Lana Wachowski's acceptance speech for the HRC Visibility Award in October 2012. For the first time, I heard a transgender person speak with candor and vulnerability about her experience, and I realized -- with painful clarity -- that much of the LGBTQ movement, for which I care so deeply, and to which I am giving my energy and my paychecks, was getting it wrong. Trans* voices are conspicuously absent, and too many uninformed and insensitive lesbian, gay, bisexual and queer persons are doing harm to the trans* community while simultaneously purporting to speak for them. Just because I have experienced one kind of oppression does not mean that I understand all oppression.

[Nero]

Great essay.

[suzifrommd]

Something seismic shifted inside me when I saw Matrix co-director Lana Wachowski's acceptance speech for the HRC Visibility Award in October 2012. For the first time, I heard a transgender person speak with candor and vulnerability about her experience

Lana W has done a lot for our cause. I hope I have the same kind of courage when my transition goes into full swing. I so much want to be accepted as "an ordinary woman" that I think it would take a lot of courage to single myself out and speak candidly and vulnerably the way she did.

[Jess42]

It just goes to show that discrimination doesn't discriminate. Everyone's prone to it.

[Lorri Kat]

I see that 'Transphobia', with the local LGB in the area that a group I belong to hangs out after meetings or events.   Transgender is tolerated within their hangouts and parades but you can tell just by observing that some really do not know what to do with us or even wont that 'T' in LGBT. Others get it and embrace us into that family like all the variations of TG that are welcomed in the group I am with.  Most of the issue seems to come though from girls that treat every night out as a 'drag show' and those that have a problem passing.   I have to admit.. even I have cringed at some of the outfits I've seen worn for awareness parades and a  'Dunk the Drag Queen' contest at one such event left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth as well.  I knew they,LGB, didn't quite 'get it' and how that was a bit of a purpetuation of negative stereo typing on their part.  although seeing "Liza" go down.. did make me smirk.

  I'm not sure what could be done to help strengthen us as a whole but there is more that needs to be done so that TG is not treated as a minority with in the LGBT family.   I love all my sisters reguardles of where they fall within the TG spectrum, especially the 6' 4'' plus ones that can drive simple minded morons into the floor when they get stupid with one of us.  One for all and all for one!

[Jess42]

I see that 'Transphobia', with the local LGB in the area that a group I belong to hangs out after meetings or events.   Transgender is tolerated within their hangouts and parades but you can tell just by observing that some really do not know what to do with us or even wont that 'T' in LGBT. Others get it and embrace us into that family like all the variations of TG that are welcomed in the group I am with.  Most of the issue seems to come though from girls that treat every night out as a 'drag show' and those that have a problem passing.   I have to admit.. even I have cringed at some of the outfits I've seen worn for awareness parades and a  'Dunk the Drag Queen' contest at one such event left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth as well.  I knew they,LGB, didn't quite 'get it' and how that was a bit of a purpetuation of negative stereo typing on their part.  although seeing "Liza" go down.. did make me smirk.

  I'm not sure what could be done to help strengthen us as a whole but there is more that needs to be done so that TG is not treated as a minority with in the LGBT family.   I love all my sisters reguardles of where they fall within the TG spectrum, especially the 6' 4'' plus ones that can drive simple minded morons into the floor when they get stupid with one of us.  One for all and all for one!

It's sad Lorri Kat. Pretty much the same where I live. The LGB part of the mix are finally accepted into society somewhat and we are left behind. Where I live, society accepts FTM more than MTF. I have seen FTMs accepted into guy groups pretty much as just one of the guys but I can't wear nail polish in public without fear of ridicule.

All I can say is maybe eventually it will get better, or hope so anyway.

[Lorri Kat]

It's sad Lorri Kat. Pretty much the same where I live. The LGB part of the mix are finally accepted into society somewhat and we are left behind. Where I live, society accepts FTM more than MTF. I have seen FTMs accepted into guy groups pretty much as just one of the guys but I can't wear nail polish in public without fear of ridicule.

All I can say is maybe eventually it will get better, or hope so anyway.

  I hope that also. Things I've experienced though cause me to keep that hope in check some.  I wonder to myself what kind of effort will be put fourth after marriage equality becomes a reality; will those who are so vocal now turn their efforts to help more with TG  issues or suddenly being part of the 'normal' go off and live their lives.   I've seen what happens with post-op TS's. Some choose to cut ties and go live their lives, which I will never fault them for. That departure though leaves gaping holes in some organizations that are not easily,if ever, filled and sometimes results in their demise.   The loss of such a vast and experiance knowledge base in transition can no longer help new TG's find their way and avoid some of the mistakes made by those before them.  None of us take the exact same pathway so the loss of even a few from a group causes holes in the support system.    Sympathy and empathy when it comes to real world help for TG's  is starkly differant.    Empathy can move mountains, making life and transition easier for those that find out there are footsteps already on the ground before them to help guide the way and caring, loving help is only a phone call away. 

[Jess42]

  I hope that also. Things I've experienced though cause me to keep that hope in check some.  I wonder to myself what kind of effort will be put fourth after marriage equality becomes a reality; will those who are so vocal now turn their efforts to help more with TG  issues or suddenly being part of the 'normal' go off and live their lives.   I've seen what happens with post-op TS's. Some choose to cut ties and go live their lives, which I will never fault them for. That departure though leaves gaping holes in some organizations that are not easily,if ever, filled and sometimes results in their demise.   The loss of such a vast and experiance knowledge base in transition can no longer help new TG's find their way and avoid some of the mistakes made by those before them.  None of us take the exact same pathway so the loss of even a few from a group causes holes in the support system.    Sympathy and empathy when it comes to real world help for TG's  is starkly differant.    Empathy can move mountains, making life and transition easier for those that find out there are footsteps already on the ground before them to help guide the way and caring, loving help is only a phone call away.

From my observances of society and group dynamics, keep on keeping that hope in check. When you are no longer useful to a group, they will turn on you in an instant and cast you out to the wolves. It is prevailent everywhere you look.

I can't say for sure but with a fair amount of certainty that once the marriage equality people get what they want, we will be more alone than ever.

This next part may give you a little hope but.....

***warning..sexual content ahead***

As for those of us who are MTF, we may be more female than what we think. Or it sure appears to be in that we as a whole face the problem that physical genetic females have and continue to face throught time and today...

Do a google search on transgender. There are so many sights dedicated to MTF transgender in a sexual way. Very few for FTM if any at all. I'm not saying it's neccisarily good or bad but may just show a turning of the tide. If a gay man is attracted to men, or a lesbian is attracted to women, just who is attracted to us? It is interesting because in the terms of market priciples, if there is not a market for something then it won't exist. Are we being seen as somewhat equal as genetic women of and to this particular industry? It would seem so. What's to follow? Will the clothing industry start taking into consideration our sizes and catering to us as the ydo genetic females? When it comes to the male, genetically, sex has always been the one particular bait on the hook that has never failed and never will to bring in cash. I'm really sorry to have to use the sex industry but it is the only one right now and the one that I have been looking at to signal the changes. Sure little bits here and there have always been around but always on the downlow. It seems to be more out in the open and has boomed in the last few years.

I truly hope I didn't offend anyone but it is the one industry that truly seems to be changing and that gives me a little hope so many others will follow.

[Joelene9]

  LGB.  It is the L's I have no problem with.  I had too many bad run-ins with the G's & B's in the past.  I see a few here with similar problems, I don't feel alone. 

  Joelene

[Trixie]

  LGB.  It is the L's I have no problem with.  I had too many bad run-ins with the G's & B's in the past.  I see a few here with similar problems, I don't feel alone. 

  Joelene

Much the opposite for me.

[Lorri Kat]

Most of the condemnation I have seen comes from those that are the "Alpha" personality within their respective relationships.  Bi-sexual males being the most likely,once again in my experience, to initiate a confrontation against non passing TG's.   Nature seems to dictate that there is a pecking order in any group of people ,just as animals, and the ugly truth is that TG's are at the bottom of it within the LGBT family..   hummm... Seems the 'T' is listed last for a reason. 

United is the only way we all have come this far and I hope that unity can be maintained after the other parts of the LGBT group have gained the protections,rights, they seek.  Once again, I'm not holding my breath on that once marriage equality is confirmed. That is a shame, since many of us have stood shoulder to shoulder with them in the heat,cold, snow and rain.  The tragedy is we wont nothing more then to live our lives freely,live and let live, just as everyone else but are not allowed to without great hassel in the current societal paradyme. 

[EmmaS]

I have only heard of the rest of the LGB community not accepting us as one of their own, but I haven't experienced it so much yet. I did just join a LGBT support group at my University and so far they seem very accepting of me and even did their best to make me feel welcome so far. I suppose I may have it lucky since I go to an extremely liberal university. If I feel like I'm discriminated in any way in this group, I will make sure to post it because I find this really interesting. I really hope that it doesn't happen though!

[Padma]

I was most struck by this quote:

"The fact that the most effeminate gay men and the butchest lesbians are the most endangered among us should alert us to the fact that society cares less about what we do in private than it cares about a challenge to its longstanding gender assumptions."

[Keaira]

I remember once on out local PFLAG chapter facebook, someone posted how we should go into the local schools and take a pro-active approach by educating students and teachers about gay and lesbian issues and that it's okay to be gay, etc.

I snapped. No where was there any mention of trans issues. SO I wrote a reply saying, Oh yes, Gay's and Lesbians have it hard. try being trans. As far as I am concerned, they have it easy. All they worry about is marriage and their battle will have been won. We face legal problems with families, jobs, and even just getting our name and gender changed. We wade though so much red tape and BS that so many of us give up. The huge suicide rate is astonishing and unfortunately, understandable. That's not counting the murders that no one even wants to investigate.

A few hours later the thread didn't even exist anymore.

It's because of that kind of thinking that I'm way more of an activist than I ever wanted to be.

[Lorri Kat]

At least the Social Security Admin  has ended the "Gender No Match"  letters for SSN's run thru the SSNVS.   Probably the last bone thats thrown to us for our help.   ahhh....  if only now we could get GENDA thru teh NYS senate  tick toc  tick toc... Mariage Equality Affirmed.   phone rings........ Hello! ..     .." Thanks for your help 'T' we got what we wonted, I'm sorry to tell you though that the rest of us are now just too busy with life to continue advocationg for rights;  but we wish you all the best in YOUR  fight for equality"   click....

I soooooo hope I am wronge ..  yep  yep yep!

[Rowan Rue]

I was most struck by this quote:

"The fact that the most effeminate gay men and the butchest lesbians are the most endangered among us should alert us to the fact that society cares less about what we do in private than it cares about a challenge to its longstanding gender assumptions."

That really struck me too.