I have depression about what's going to happen in the future. I'm surprisingly lucky that I don't get hate in my school no more, I go to an LGBT friendly college. but I dream to be an actor and I'm good at it. but I always get rejected because I want to play the male roles.
and this is what gets me depressed, I'm currently studying art because I actually gave up on acting but I star in my friends videos and they always tell me I have such a talent for acting as I'm able to actually feel the characters emotion and such but, I gave up. I'm 18 years old and I haven't gone through any transitions. Not even T.
I dream to star in shows or be in movies. I look up to Robert Downey Jr and Misha collins and I dream to be like them, Only one thing. I'm trans and I've been rejected from a few places, and It angers me because they always suggest me to go for the leading female role as one of the women quoted "You have talent but the role you're going for doesn't suit you." but her tone and pauses oblivious meant "You're not a guy."
I've gone into art hoping that my stories or comics would become movies. I hate this so much. I'm so depressed and several times have tried to kill myself because I'm not a guy. I hate it so much. I drink because I'm depressed, I still attempt suicide now and then. I just want to act, but I'm not getting any where. I've already submitted to Art univercities but feel like I should go for a drama school but I got so put down because My high school drama teacher Hated me so much, because I was trans. i'm not being dramatic. I would come into drama class and she'd pick on me straight away. If I was begging for a leading role, she'd give it to the girls and make me only have a small line. And one time told me to be the pet dog and that what got me so down, I have talent in Art too and that was the only thing people begged me to do for them. They'd ask me to draw this and that and I'd design clothes for them but I'd be sitting in the corner watching them try on the costumes I made for them as they got to be the leading roles because they were born Girl and Boy. Though I was happy to get a leading role in college. I played Edward in the play called Blood brothers and it was amazing to play, I got to bind my chest flat and make up artists came and did my make-up to give it a masculine look to it and it was an amazing few nights.
But my dream is to star on the BBC and right now, I'm not getting any where. You could call me a bit of a drama king, I've always have been. I'm always jumping into roles. It's my personality, I live to act and when I was a kid, I'd always put up plays for my family and My family got me a blow up stage and I'd love it, I've just acted all my life, But stopped in high school and Gave up because of who i was and I always thought to myself, I should just stop because I'll never be in the spot light and be known as the amazing male actor.
So what I'm begging for is, Is there a chance for me out there? Could I have my name on the Hollywood walk of fame? Because I really feel like giving up on everything even life.
