Parents are ignorant...

[Keira]

I honestly don't know what to do anymore...my parents don't give a sh** about my well being, nor do they know anything about trans-people.

I don't know how to educate them. It seems they do want to understand, but whenever I end up talking to them I feel like I'm on trial; they try to say that "this doesn't make you trans", "you just need more guy friends". I'm starting to get really pissed off and depressed by it.

I need support that I don't have, and I can't get it. I don't feel anything anymore, I don't want to do anything anymore, and most of all I don't want to live anymore.

I wish I never existed.

[Keira]

That's pretty encouraging yes?

Have you given them any good resources or books that could help them understand better? I think the book 'True Selves' is a great resource. I think letting people research some of these things independently can help greatly.

Keep the communication line open with them, try not to get too frustrated. You're way down the road on all of this, they're just getting started, give them plenty of time to catch up a bit. 

    Be good to yourself.

I honestly don't want to tell them how I feel because it feels too embarrassing to me. Plus, like I said I feel like I'm being judged with every word I say. I'll be lucky if I can talk to my new Psychiatrist on Friday...

I wish I could get "True Selves", but the only bookstore in my town just closed; so I have no way of ordering it.

At this point I feel like I'm being held together by tape, paper clips, and rubber bands; if anything goes wrong I might not live.

[Heather]

Sky blue I know parents can be frustrating but hang in there. How long have they known? Parents can take a long time to accept who you are mine took years.  I know how you feel about not wanting too exist. These feelings are only temporary don't dwell on them they only make you feel worse. Try to think woman you want to be instead focusing on the negative. Negativity can have a snowball effect if you don't focus on the positive in life. There has to be something positive in your life you can think of instead.

[Keira]

It doesn't help when everything around you makes you doubt who you are; on top of that I feel broken and un-loved. Everyone gives a s*** more about everyone else except me; they don't understand that I'm a hair away from suicide, and I've been like this for several years.

I really don't have anything "positive" in my life...

[TerriT]

It doesn't help when everything around you makes you doubt who you are; on top of that I feel broken and un-loved. Everyone gives a s*** more about everyone else except me; they don't understand that I'm a hair away from suicide, and I've been like this for several years.

I really don't have anything "positive" in my life...

You have life.

You have youth.

Those are pretty big things to be positive about in my book.

The Trevor Project
1-866-4-U-TREVOR (1-866-488-7386)
For LGBTQ youth (minors and young adults).
Toll-free and available 24/7.

[Heather]

It doesn't help when everything around you makes you doubt who you are; on top of that I feel broken and un-loved. Everyone gives a s*** more about everyone else except me; they don't understand that I'm a hair away from suicide, and I've been like this for several years.

I really don't have anything "positive" in my life...

I know it seems that way at times. But suicide is not the answer to your problems. You say you feel broken  but something that has broke can be fixed. I doubt your totally unloved just cause they doubt you does not mean they don't love you. My mom tells me all the time I'm making a mistake and try's to talk me out of being me. But I don't doubt for a second she loves me. Doubt comes from within if you become confident in who you are other people's opinion won't sway you. How do expect someone else to believe you when you don't even believe in yourself?

[tomthom]

my parents are very similar. feel free to pm me about it if you just wanna talk it out.

[Emily Aster]

I'm probably the last person that should be posting since I'm still in the process of somewhat questioning a transition, but the first thought I had when I read your initial post is "at least they're not trying to beat it out of you". If they are at least trying to understand, even if they keep trying to talk you out of it, that seems to be more positive to me than you think it is. My parents used a similar tactic, except it was a mix of words and fists, but the result they were looking for was for me to "man up". Not really in the sense that I should be more manly, as I took it, but in the sense that them pushing me down would back me into a corner and make me stand up for myself. Maybe they're not really personally attacking you trying to change your mind so much as testing the waters to see if you've thought everything through and are really as sure as you say you are.

[Keira]

Maybe they're not really personally attacking you trying to change your mind so much as testing the waters to see if you've thought everything through and are really as sure as you say you are.

That may be partly true at least, but when they judge me it makes me doubt myself. The things they say just make me feel like I'm insane, not trans.

[Emily Aster]

That may be partly true at least, but when they judge me it makes me doubt myself. The things they say just make me feel like I'm insane, not trans.

And it's that doubt that will make you back down from them and they know it. As long as they can use that, they'll continue to do so. You need to remove it from yourself as a source of weakness. That I don't know how to do because I suffer from it myself.

[Keira]

[Update]

Yep...they're still ignorant of what I deal with every day. In fact I was just told that I might have to, "Put your sexual orientation [sic] issues on the side since they aren't as important...".

If I could speak honestly to my mother right now I would say...

1. Gender identity =\= sexual orientation, you would know this if you read the fu****** book that I spent $30 on for you (not to mention the same book I left page markers for you in).

2. Yes, these problems are just as real and important as everyone else's; maybe even more so important considering the fact that I could kill myself at any point soon.

3. I'm lucky I can still function at work, let alone switch jobs just to get more hours (=more stress). In fact I should probably be under watch at all times and be put in a place without anything I could harm myself with.

4. Do I have to attempt suicide just for you to care about my well being? Or should I just sit here while you invalidate every part of my life.

[Arch]

[Update]
4. Do I have to attempt suicide just for you to care about my well being? Or should I just sit here while you invalidate every part of my life.

Maybe this sounds impossible, but the main (possibly only) way to avoid this invalidation is to stop giving it power.

You know that they do not understand--or maybe, despite what you have said in this thread, they do not want to. If you give a helpful book to your mother and she does not read it, what does that mean? From where I am sitting, it means that she actually doesn't want to understand or that she wants to but can't deal with it right now. If it's the former, you can't force her. If it's the latter, guess what? You can't force her; all you can do is provide resources and give her time--and keep on being yourself, with pride. Your self-knowledge is yours and yours alone. Of course it would be wonderful to have her acceptance and validation, but you cannot depend on that right now, especially if trying to is sending you into a tailspin.

If you are thinking about suicide, please talk to this psychiatrist about it. If you feel truly suicidal before your appointment or between appointments, call a hotline or keep coming here.

[Keira]

If you are thinking about suicide, please talk to this psychiatrist about it. If you feel truly suicidal before your appointment or between appointments, call a hotline or keep coming here.

I honestly wish talking could cure how I feel...but I don't feel anything anymore, and I don't really care anymore. They keep treating me like s*** and I don't have any other reason to keep living. I've been through too much s*** to try to heal and then get crushed again.

[Arch]

If you base your sense of self-worth on what your parents think and say, you will always be their slave, even when they approve of you. If they are poisoning you, maybe it's time to take a vacation from them. They are not helping.

"Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite." (Robert A. Heinlein)