i feel like i'm transgender but i keep having doubts?

[iamconfused]

hi, as you can tell by my title i'm confused. i remember when i was a kid, i'd always daydream about being a boy. i'd always daydream about girls liking me. then i remember in 2nd grade is when i started feeling like a boy. i still feel like one. the feeling has been kind of off and on, sometimes the feeling is strong and sometimes it's barely there which i think thats why i'm having doubts. i've always liked girls, i never really classified myself as a lesbian, it just felt natural i guess. in 4th grade i started going on the internet and i played those virtual chat games and i'd always play as the guy character. i remember that there was this one game and kids from my school played it,  they knew that i was playing as a guy character. they'd ask me why and i never really knew why i did it. i told them i was curious. i remember how when i was a kid, i'd look at guys and think about how good their lives must be because they're boys. now i just get jealous of boys and wish that i were them. i also feel like i'm a different species compared to other girls if that makes sense.. i feel like i have a different mind and different thoughts than girls. i don't know if i'm really transgender though because i still present myself as a girl. i have long hair and wear girl clothes when i'm out. i don't dress really feminine though, i wear the plainest hoodies and shirts in the girls section. i don't necessarily feel uncomfortable in my body, i hate my parts but i can still live in my body and deal with it. i guess what bothers me the most is that i wasn't born a boy, not my body. i feel like i've wasted all my life being a girl. i feel like i wasn't meant to be one. i've cried and thought about killing myself because of this. am i transgender? i know this isn't how normal girls feel, i just don't really know what's wrong with me and i don't know what to do about it. thank you for reading

[JLT1]

You are you - the good and the bad.  Somewhere on that spectrum between fully ideal man and fully ideal woman, is where you fit.  Find that place and live there.  Don't worry about being transgender or about being a girl or a guy.  Just try to be the best you that you can be.  Be true to your desires, your needs and care for others.  If being the best you means your male - great.  If being the best you means your female - great.

On the practical level - read more posts here.  Seek additional advice from others.  Find a psychologist to talk with.  You have already taken your first steps. 

[EmmaS]

Just take your time and be completely open with yourself, being patient is really important but can be really hard as well. I agree with JLT1, find a gender therapist to see and be honest with them and you will hopefully start to figure out who you are fully. I wish you the best of luck, don't be shy to ask questions on here as well, it's your new family!

Emma

[Contravene]

That sounds so much like me that it's almost scary but then again, I suppose many people here can relate to one another's stories.

I discovered that I was transgender when I realized that being in a female body prevented me from truly being myself. I've been forced to present myself as a female all of my life because that's what I was seen as by others but by doing so I was never able to allow my real personality to show through. When I present as a female I'm so uncomfortable with myself that my insecure, shy, backwards, angry and depressed personality traits overshadow my more positive personality traits. Once I started identifying as a male and being seen as a male by others, I discovered that all of those negative personality traits seemed to fall away. As a male, I'm confident, personable, passionate, eloquent and a natural leader and although I still have those negative personality traits, they don't overshadow the positive ones like they used to.

Being transgender has nothing to do with your likes and dislikes, your hobbies, your sexual orientation or your choice of clothing. It has to do with your personality and who you are inside. I think that's what JLT1 means by just being you.

My advice is to take some time to discover your personality more. Think about all of your personality traits, good and bad, then think about whether or not those personality traits are showing through in your daily life. If you find that you're holding back parts of your personality, especially the positive parts, then you're most likely not being true to yourself.

If you do discover that you aren't being true to yourself your next step should be to try to find out why. Is it because of your gender not matching your personality? I agree that finding a gender therapist is a good idea. A therapist will be able to help you answer that question and discover what it is that's not allowing you to be yourself so you can then take steps to change whatever is holding you back.

[Rachel85]

Sound advice by Contravene, EmmaS and JLT1. Talking things through with someone who has experience in gender issues would be a good start.
Like Contravene said, remember to keep an open mind about yourself too and not "shoot yourself down", if you are having thoughts and feelings, explore them. If you stop yourself from thinking in a particular direction then maybe that's something to look into rather than shy away from.
I was in major denial for years and one day just let go and looked into it all. I was (and still am!) so much happier after accepting this part of me even though it led to new not easily answered questions, still heaps that I'm trying to figure out.
It takes time, people are not a book. We are more like wikipedia, constantly evolving. Something we think might turn out to be different. Some people might try and change us. We could all do with more money (although we don't always advertise and beg everyone we come across for donations).
Important thing is you are looking into it iamconfused!

[iamconfused]

well i can't really see a gender therapist at the moment. i can't drive yet so i can't go and see one alone, and i really don't want to come out at all yet. i just need to know if i sound like i'm transgender

[EmmaS]

well i can't really see a gender therapist at the moment. i just turned 16, i can't drive yet so i can't go and see one alone, and i really don't want to come out at all yet. i just need to know if i sound like i'm transgender

I see what you are saying, well ultimately YOU are the only person who can diagnose yourself as of now, but if you want you can send me a message and we can talk about your thoughts and I can help answer any questions/tell you of my experiences. Ultimately, you need to go at your own pace, but please feel free to ask questions!

Hugs,
Emma

[Natkat]

to me it sound like your transgender but as Emma says its something people figure out with themself, not by others.

wellcome to susan btw, hopefully your to talk with alot of cool people, and could be able to figure out,
I dont know where your from but if your lucky your could also meet up with folks IRL, its always good to see or hear others experience as inspirations no matter if its online or IRL, its not nessesarry what your going to do, but I think its nice to see what could be posible which you might want or not.

[sneakersjay]

A good gender therapist should help, also.

Only you can figure out who you are, and if transition is right for you.  It's okay to have doubts.  When I realized I was trans, it was very obvious to me, but I kept hoping a therapist would say otherwise and say here, take this pill and you'll be happy as a girl!  LOL anything so I didn't have to go through transition, which I thought would be awkward and embarrassing and I hated having attention drawn to me and absolutely hate sharing my private stuff with people.

So yeah, I am definitely trans and will say that transtion was the totally right thing for me.  Yes, it was awkward and embarrassing and I hated that in-between stage, but now that it is all said and done, I'm just ME.

Good luck with your journey!

Jay