It is ironic, that even though I despise technology, I find myself unable to walk away from it.
Little things would become a problem. Razors. Not easy to feel female and covered in hair with a beard.
Not easy to feel like a woman without the convenience of a hot bath and bubbles.
And the list could go on all day I think.
Yet, I so hate modern life.
And yet it is like the job you hate. You can't quit, you can't not have the job, it pays for the things you need.
No internet to me, means no Susan's place and no anime.
But without them, well I would not pay for internet just for some porn and the option to buy things on Amazon.
But the damned internet, it is like having a rude boss that randomly pisses you off.
The world was the same world when I was 20. But when I was 20, I was not able to get upset every day all day over news items I was saturated with from every direction thanks to modern means of communications. I had TV, and that was not nearly the same. I was there, I remember.
Today I have Facebook. A mixed blessing. I get to chat with friends all damned day. The problem is all damned day my friends are mentioning things to each other and me we likely would have preferred to have never known about.
When I was a kid, it was different.
Even here at Susan's place, if you look in the news sections, it is plain, even if you focus on just TG related news, there is just so much of it. And so much of it is stuff you just can't not be upset over. Scientists spouting nonsense competing for attention with religious groups spouting the usual nonsense, and politicians play all of us against each other all for political gain.
If the power were to fail, I'd lose all the grief, but, I'd lose Susan's place too.
Damn it all.
The internet informed me of how I was not alone in my TG hell, but, it also shows me the entire planet's behaviour regarding how they treat us too.
I do miss the before time. But it is also not all rosy. 200 years ago, I'd have been seen as quite the freak, and what the local church had to say would not be very friendly. So thinking about how it would be nicer in a non power dependent workshop covered in sawdust, would be contrasted by how spending my time not in the shop wearing a skirt likely would not happen without trouble.
Not that there is no trouble now. Today if you do something odd in public, it takes only a cell phone to make you instantly world recognized in days all over the internet.
In some ways things have changed so much, and in others nothing has changed at all.
Modern medicine can do so much for me, but, it seems so many of the people around us simply won't care either way.
If tomorrow the machine stopped, well that would be the end of a lot of people transitioning. At least anatomically speaking in so many ways.
But if the power were gone, I am sure my community would realize they actually needed me. I have real skills that do not require electricity thankfully. They'd have a choice, let me teach as Lesley Roberta and in a dress, or go find yourself someone else that had my wealth of knowledge eh.
I think what 'civilization' badly needs, is to retain all of what we have learned, but to be made (likely forcibly and via great loss of life and destruction), to let go of our technology and machine dependence. We need to master ourselves, not master machinery. We are now doing too much too fast for almost no real point.
I have wondered, if I couldn't get food shipped to me so easy from virtually anywhere, would I even have a fat problem?
If I had to work harder and longer and get less speed and less volume, would it be better? I have too much junk in my life.
The Sony Playstation 4 is upon us. I wonder though, was it really necessary to make it? Yes it holds more runs faster and looks prettier. But, was it really important? Will the games really look better? And that is just one example of our frantic need to make things for the sake of making things.
When I was young I played with my toys till I had run them into the ground.
Today, a warranty is barely worth the effort. An extended warranty is actually negative marketing in my opinion. If they can't promise a laptop will run for 3 years, then maybe they should keep it in the first place eh.
But in 3 years time, I don't expect to be using the same laptop.
But why?
I have a great big shelf eating library here. It would all fit on a couple of dvds in digital form.
But, it wouldn't be the same.
Not only that, but my books will operate anywhere, and even if the power is out.
I worry that I might be about to start walking along a road, that could end suddenly and leave me in the lurch.
If I was going to transition, I likely would rather be suddenly massively in debt for laser hair removal by doing it all at once, rather than pretend to 'afford it slowly' over a couple of years. I'd rather transition in as short of a time as possible.
I'd not want to be in the middle, and left stuck part way if something were to happen to interfere with the process.
Life comes with no written guarantees. The future is not obligated to be what we think it will be.
In the last 20 years, all I have seen is our race painting itself rapidly into a corner actually.
Yes I think too much maybe on some things
Thanks for letting me ramble here.
