Am I just an accomplished crossdresser?

[JulieC.]

I'm coming up on one year on hormones and I'm wondering about something.  I'm not living full time.  That is my eventual goal to be full time but I am not going to have srs.  So I'll never be able to change the m to a f on my license. 

Ten years ago if you would have asked me, I would have said I am a cross dresser.  Today, after a lot of self realization, I would answer I am transgender.  But am I really?  If you have no intention of actually changing your gender and you don't live full time, aren't you just a cross dresser?  I know these are just words and terms and have little to do with how I feel but for some reason it seems important to me at the moment.

[Kevin Peña]

Well, you said you eventually want to live full time, but not now due to extenuating circumstances.

Besides, not wanting SRS doesn't mean you're just a cross dresser. It just means that you don't want some perform cutting you up, leaving you with the inability to even sit down without some doughnut-looking thing for a few months.

The letter on your license is just a letter. Gender is in your brain.

[Devlyn]

Lots of people here say they identified as crossdressers for years,  before realizing they were transsexuals. You're on a journey of self discovery, hon. Who knows where the path leads. If you're doing what feels right for you, you're headed in the right direction. Hugs, Devlyn

[spacial]

You're trangender because you say you are.

Ask yourself, if all other things were equal, and it was available, would you fully transition? SRS everything?

I would jump at the chance, before a flash. But realistically, it isn't going to happen for me at all. I am transgender. What has prevented me was my situation, not intent.

If you are like that then you are, I suggest, transgender.

[kelly_aus]

You are whoever and whatever you say you are - after all, only you really know.

[Shantel]

You're trangender because you say you are.

Ask yourself, if all other things were equal, and it was available, would you fully transition? SRS everything?

I would jump at the chance, before a flash. But realistically, it isn't going to happen for me at all. I am transgender. What has prevented me was my situation, not intent.

If you are like that then you are, I suggest, transgender.

You're right about that, and besides too much stress has always been placed on [what label do I wear or what box do I fit in] how about just being you and enjoying who you are? We just went through a similar conversation in a thread in the pre-op section. From my aged perspective this kind of self doubting has always been the result of certain pressure applied by the minority who actually make it all the way through SRS and then look down on the rest as not having really arrived and thus being pre-op that makes them somehow something lesser than themselves as completed women. Then there have always been the gate keepers especially during the period where the Benjamin Standards of Care was rigidly adhered to. One rather well known transgender specialist, a trans woman herself once told me, society and the transgender community expects you to either become a complete woman or remain a man. I will refrain from repeating my response to her comment here.

[Devlyn]

I'm not sure Auntie Shan knows what PG-13 means, I'll just stand by with my trusty Deletion Axe. 

[TerriT]

You're right about that, and besides too much stress has always been placed on [what label do I wear or what box do I fit in] how about just being you and enjoying who you are? We just went through a similar conversation in a thread in the pre-op section. From my aged perspective this kind of self doubting has always been the result of certain pressure applied by the minority who actually make it all the way through SRS and then look down on the rest as not having really arrived and thus being pre-op that makes them somehow something lesser than themselves as completed women. Then there have always been the gate keepers especially during the period where the Benjamin Standards of Care was rigidly adhered to. One rather well known transgender specialist, a trans woman herself once told me, society and the transgender community expects you to either become a complete woman or remain a man. I will refrain from repeating my response to her comment here.

Everybody always seems to have somebody else that they need to judge/look down on/insult etc. It doesn't seem to matter who it is. Must be a law of life.

[Elspeth]

Then there have always been the gate keepers especially during the period where the Benjamin Standards of Care was rigidly adhered to. One rather well known transgender specialist, a trans woman herself once told me, society and the transgender community expects you to either become a complete woman or remain a man. I will refrain from repeating my response to her comment here.

Count me as another who would like to hear this, at least in summary form.

I do wind up feeling like there is a very strong social pressure here, and one that we can't necessarily expect to change. I came out recently to a large group of long-time friends, and at this point, one of my deepest concerns has to do with the implicit judgments some might make based on appearances, especially if I were to then continue to sometimes present as male (which is kind of hard to avoid in my present state).

I get the sense that those I know best, given the way I've lived my life and what they know about that, do understand that I did  not come out to expose myself as a fetishist... it was done in part to support my son's coming out (and also because I found it hard to imagine what these people would interpret if I had NOT come out at this time). As much as it was a relief, it also really puts me in a position where I feel like I'm practically bound to proceed to some sort of full-time presentation, which for right now means that I've gone much, much more to the femme end of the androgynous public presentation I've been doing now for decades, but doing that, for me remains stressful, not so much internally as it is in terms of the inferences I tend to make about people's reactions.  It seems  to me it would be far less stressful if I were able (not clear this will ever be entirely possible) to present as entirely female, apart from whatever ambiguities can't be eliminated cosmetically or otherwise. 

I also will freely admit that I waste far too much energy trying to infer what other people are thinking, often based on little more than a casual glance or facial expression that I have no certain means of interpreting in every instance.

Labels suck. There, I've said it, and said it briefly.

[JoanneB]

I spent decades trying to convince myself that I am CrossDresser+. Twice I gave up my experiments at transitioning to opt for "Normal". THe plus part comes from I still didn't care to be a guy and still wished I could be a woman.

Today, after all those decades of trying to deny, I now try to embrace that I am a transsexual. I still have episodes where I scream NOOOOOOOOOO. Mainly because I refuse to see I have far from a little chance of ever being full-time. There is, that I know.

BTW - Thanks to HRT I am finally able to feel good about my body. At my pre-jurasaic age I don't see SRS in my future. THough in the past I did, it just never was all that important compared to the dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.

[JulieC.]

Ask yourself, if all other things were equal, and it was available, would you fully transition? SRS everything?

When I first read that Jill I thought... YES in a second, but then I thought a little longer and the answer became a little less clear... yes I'm almost certain I would.  I mean how could I know for sure until I was in the operating room?  I guess I'm just questioning myself again.  Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

The letter on your license is just a letter. Gender is in your brain.

Very true! And very wise. But having an f on my license would be ideal.

Labels suck.

I couldn't agree more. 

[Lesley_Roberta]

Cross dressers are JUST cross cross dressers if they say that is all they are.

But, the act of wearing female clothing on a male body is not cross dressing if you are not a man inside the female clothing.

People out there in boring ordinary normal land can argue that if it floats their collective boat, I couldn't care less

I am seeking a shape I can accept, in order to wear clothing I can tolerate. And if it involves skirts it involves skirts, and I don't plan to let anyone call it cross dressing.

Now of course the thing with the outside world, is they will reserve and demand the right to disagree with me naturally

I won't be losing any sleep if there are people out there that can't get it straight. I'm not a man wearing women's clothing. I'm a woman in a male form hoping to wear women's clothing, and basically I have the same problem fat cis females have. Some things just won't work.

I expect to have as much trouble finding skirts to fit, as fat women have finding sexy swimsuits.

[spacial]

When I first read that Jill I thought... YES in a second, but then I thought a little longer and the answer became a little less clear... yes I'm almost certain I would.  I mean how could I know for sure until I was in the operating room?  I guess I'm just questioning myself again.  Which is not necessarily a bad thing.

I appreciate that point. The more I think about this, the more I remember, that labels and definations are for others. We each seek to live according to what makes us happy. Within the law. You don't need a label unless you want one.

[gennee]

Julie, I'm a transgender woman whose not going to have SRS. I started out cross dressin. After awhile I concluded that my feelings ran deeper than clothing.  I went through an emotional and spiritual transformation. Some folk have said to me that I look so happy. I can say that I've never been happier.

Wherever people feel comfortable, that's what's really important. We've all taken time to come where we are at the moment. Cherish the moment.

[Lesley_Roberta]

You're trangender because you say you are.

Ask yourself, if all other things were equal, and it was available, would you fully transition? SRS everything?

I would jump at the chance, before a flash. But realistically, it isn't going to happen for me at all. I am transgender. What has prevented me was my situation, not intent.

If you are like that then you are, I suggest, transgender.

Fact, in my case, if I was single and did not have a son, if it was just me in the equation and no one else was going to be impacted, there is zero chance I would not go the full route. Next up is cost. If I won a million bucks, the process would be more a case of how fast can I get this done, I don't want to waste any more life span on being a fake man.

But I have the wife and son who mean everything to me. And what they need matters to me.
If I won a million, and they supported the idea, I'd be all for it.
I'd be moving though, fresh start, no constant hassle of people remembering me as not me. All my current local friends would only get to see me if they came to visit me in my new home town.

[Jamie D]

I'm coming up on one year on hormones and I'm wondering about something.  I'm not living full time.  That is my eventual goal to be full time but I am not going to have srs.  So I'll never be able to change the m to a f on my license. 

Ten years ago if you would have asked me, I would have said I am a cross dresser.  Today, after a lot of self realization, I would answer I am transgender.  But am I really?  If you have no intention of actually changing your gender and you don't live full time, aren't you just a cross dresser?  I know these are just words and terms and have little to do with how I feel but for some reason it seems important to me at the moment.

Julie, the transgender umbrella on this site includes all sorts of people, including crossdressers.

You, like many other crossdressers, drag queens, drag kings, etc, find a peace of mind in presenting as the opposite sex.  That is the very definition of dysphoria and gender identity.  You are transgendered now, and you were transgendered then as well.

In my own case, the dysphoria rises and falls, and because of that I identify as bi-gendered.  I may never have the opportunity to live in the body that does not best represent my gender identity, but that does not mean I am outside of the community.

I want you to think about that, and how your post can be seen as exclusive, rather than inclusive.

[Angela???]

But I have the wife and son who mean everything to me. And what they need matters to me.
If I won a million, and they supported the idea, I'd be all for it.
I'd be moving though, fresh start, no constant hassle of people remembering me as not me. All my current local friends would only get to see me if they came to visit me in my new home town.

I have a wife and 5 children, 19, 18 17,9 and 5 months and my wife wants another child. I KNOW how you feel! BUT my wife is supporting me as the stay at home parent, due to her need to work and myself happy to stay at home with our 5 month old.
I spoke to her the other day about my need to escape this male body that I have been trapped in for 40 years. We have talked about everything, plus my wife knew about Angela before we even started dating. I explained how I no longer can handle being male, and by hiding, I was killing myself from the inside out! She understands my issue very well, due to her own issues that she sorted. We have decided that I must Transition into a full passable woman, but slowly. As my wife loves me for me, she is willing to do what ever it takes to see me happy, plus she is happy to stay with me even when I am complete. As far as my children go I will tell them in due time as I have not come out to my family yet, even if they have some idea about me. At this point we only have 4 children home at 1 time, but my 18 year old son is not far from moving out. My 9 year old will love me regardless, and my 5 month old will know know different. As far as friends go if I loose them, then tuff, I will make more friends.

To make life a little easier I agree that a move would be in the interest of my family.

My wife's nurturing need is very very strong, as my wife is 8 years younger than me, plus she aways wanted 3 children (I have 2 children being the oldest from my first marriage, 9 year old to another woman and a 5 month old to my wife, the 17 year old is my stepdaughter who knows about me and loves me anyway!). So looks like we will be having another child very soon, so that the children are close in age. This is all she wants, that's why she gave up becoming FtM, so that she could have children. All I have wanted was to be a woman, so I understand how she feels. So I will be transitioning and my wife will be having baby, sound fun?
This is something that we both agree on, as we both want to be happy! I love my wife, she is my 1 and only true friend and I will do what ever it takes to complete her dream for her, just as she wants nothing more than to help me on my journey to woman hood.
I feel that it's important that we both speak to each other about how we are feeling about any issues. I didn't want even our first child together seeing I already had 3, but I wouldn't give my little son up for anything! He is my world so another child wont matter, and they will have self defence class's growing up!

I want nothing in this life than to be me! Not male, FEMALE! I can no longer hide who I am, enough of the punishments and beatings that I give myself, enough I say! Forty years is a long time to beat myself up, it has to stop! I want to be happy, not mad or angry, not fly of the handle for stuff all, I want happiness in my life and I see no other way but to be ME!

Keep the comunication doors open with your wife, as I do, hide nothing! I tell my wife how much she means to me every day, I kiss and hold her tight so she knows she is the only one for me. This in turn makes her feel loved and wanted and that I will be with her forever, as we stated to each other when we got married, thick or thin we are their for each other.
I am very lucky to have such a beautiful wife, she is my world!

So I do understand the position you are in, I was there with my first wife, she hated the thought of me in a dress, let alone see me in one.
I hope you find your way as I am slowly finding mine. Keep talking to your wife as I would not like to see someone do the same as I.

Best of luck,

Angela

[JulieC.]

I want you to think about that, and how your post can be seen as exclusive, rather than inclusive.

Wow, that took me back to when one of the few really good teachers I've had made me think.  Thank you.  You're right.  For one thing I shouldn't even be trying to label myself and of course I'm transgender.  In the end I am going to transition as far as I can as fast as I can within my life.  Same as everyone else on here.  I know it won't be as far or as fast as I would like but it's going to work for me.  Thanks to all of you.

[aleon515]

Other side here (if it is the other side ). Anyway, "just" crossdresser, implies something wrong. Of course it can definitely be trans.
Even someone who does performance "drag kings and queens" may be trans, often are. My therapist is a trans guy. He was/is a drag king. HAHA interesting therapist. Anyway, he basically said it wasn't enough for him and that's why he transitioned. But obviously he was getting some kind of happiness from going drag.

--Jay