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Thinking about Full Time.

Started by kariann330, March 05, 2013, 09:46:10 PM

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kariann330

So i know i still look like a boy after only a couple short months on HRT, i know my eyebrows are a wreck and i have very little no nothing in the way of boobs. I know i gotta do something about my voice before I even TRY it. But once i get my voice down I'm thinking about saying to hell with it and going full time as soon as i get the voice down. Has anyone else done this, or does anyone have any thoughts about it?

Thanks in advance
Kari Ann.
I need a hero to save me now, i need a hero to save my life, a hero will save me just in time!!

"Don't bother running from a sniper, you will just die tired and sweaty"

Longest shot 2500yards, Savage 110BA 338 Lapua magnum, 15X scope, 10X magnifier. Bipod.
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Ellieka

I did, and I regretted it. I highly recommend NOT going full time until A.) you are at least reasonably passable and B.) have enough resources such as money and living arrangements to live for 6 months to a years with no income.

I went full time before I was ready and lost everything. Job, marriage, family, home, car... I do mean everything. I was out if work for two years and finally had to resign myself to living in places and doing some things I'd rather not think about just to survive.

It did finally turn around though. Took almost 3 years where as if I had been smarter and waited... I would have been able to go full time in about a year, maybe less. Instead I rushed it at only 6 months and not near enough laser.
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kelly_aus

I went FT before I had feminised much.. Attitude and confidence got me through though.

And here's what I looked like at the time:
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suzifrommd

Quote from: The Original Cami on March 06, 2013, 01:38:01 AM
I did, and I regretted it. I highly recommend NOT going full time until A.) you are at least reasonably passable and B.) have enough resources such as money and living arrangements to live for 6 months to a years with no income.

I think for some people, this is really good advice.

Can I caveat this, though?

For those of us who will probably never be passable, this might be interpreted as "stay a man".

I think that is a really bad idea!

I know many proud MtFs who know they will never pass but still live full time and celebrate every day their opportunity to live as women.

I think every one of them would say they wouldn't go back for anything.

From their example, I have become sure that IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT PASSING. Non-passing MtF's can be happy and can be accepted. There is room in this world for women whose transgender is obvious but who are attractive, confident, amazing women.

That being said, Cami is right that you need to be prepared financially for how difficult life might be. Be aware of the reality of how you will be accepted at work. A lot of places have anti-discrimination laws and many employers have policies in place and will work to accommodate you. Learn the laws and the policies where you work.
Have you read my short story The Eve of Triumph?
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JoanneB

Quote from: The Original Cami on March 06, 2013, 01:38:01 AM
I did, and I regretted it. I highly recommend NOT going full time until A.) you are at least reasonably passable and B.) have enough resources such as money and living arrangements to live for 6 months to a years with no income.

I went full time before I was ready and lost everything. Job, marriage, family, home, car... I do mean everything. I was out if work for two years and finally had to resign myself to living in places and doing some things I'd rather not think about just to survive.

It did finally turn around though. Took almost 3 years where as if I had been smarter and waited... I would have been able to go full time in about a year, maybe less. Instead I rushed it at only 6 months and not near enough laser.
+1

The phrase "Rush Job" usually implies half ass and ending badly. Usually you also see that all the fixes, time, and money resulting from the rush leads one to conclude that doing the job the right way the first time, really would have been shorter, better, and less expensive. That is if you are not a PHB  ;D

.          (Pile Driver)  
                    |
                    |
                    ^
(ROCK) ---> ME <--- (HARD PLACE)
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kariann330

Well money and place to live won't be a problem as i am currently waiting for the final word on an SSI claim, but i think i will go with the slower approach to it eventho living part time is killing me and i can't wait to finally be....me
I need a hero to save me now, i need a hero to save my life, a hero will save me just in time!!

"Don't bother running from a sniper, you will just die tired and sweaty"

Longest shot 2500yards, Savage 110BA 338 Lapua magnum, 15X scope, 10X magnifier. Bipod.
  •  

Mohini

Quote from: kariann330 on March 05, 2013, 09:46:10 PM
So i know i still look like a boy after only a couple short months on HRT, i know my eyebrows are a wreck and i have very little no nothing in the way of boobs. I know i gotta do something about my voice before I even TRY it. But once i get my voice down I'm thinking about saying to hell with it and going full time as soon as i get the voice down. Has anyone else done this, or does anyone have any thoughts about it?

Thanks in advance
Kari Ann.

Hey there Kari Ann!

I wish you well in your transition. It takes time and money, and a whole lot of patience. I definitely did not pass in the first six months of my transition. It was after about nine months that I began fully developing.

I was told that it takes about a year to have one's whole  body developed according to what the hormones can do for you. When I first started my transition, my doctor wanted me to change what I wore and other clothes to make sure I was serious. Even after taking hormones for the first few months won't be enough.

Let the hormones work their magic! Enjoy the experience, and it all depends on your age and health too. And for the eyebrows? I got them done professionally each month by a queer-friendly business.
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Ellieka

Quote from: suzifrommd on March 06, 2013, 06:45:44 AM
I think for some people, this is really good advice.

Can I caveat this, though?

For those of us who will probably never be passable, this might be interpreted as "stay a man".

I think that is a really bad idea!

I know many proud MtFs who know they will never pass but still live full time and celebrate every day their opportunity to live as women.

I think every one of them would say they wouldn't go back for anything.

From their example, I have become sure that IT IS NOT ALL ABOUT PASSING. Non-passing MtF's can be happy and can be accepted. There is room in this world for women whose transgender is obvious but who are attractive, confident, amazing women.


I agree... "Staying a man" is a death sentence. If you can make it work, passable or not then go for it. Just be prepared for any pitfalls that may arise.

I have one trans friend who jumped the gun. She had GCS as soon as she could and did nothing aside from HRT and laser. She is not passable at all. She's been out of work for more then 3 years and just lost her home to foreclosure. No one will hire Her because of two things. One is her "this is who I am so just accept it!" Attitude and second is her appearance.

She would have been been better of doing some cosmetic work first then GCS.

It's sad that society is so prejudice but unfortunately it is and that really complicates things for us.   
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gennee

Going full time is a life changing event. It's best to make sure that you really want to do this.
It will take time to notice changes but that's secondary to your emotional and life well being.
Many people make mistakes because they are in a hurry. If you decide to go full time have a clear
picture about what you will and may encounter.
Be who you are.
Make a difference by being a difference.   :)

Blog: www.difecta.blogspot.com
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Jennygirl

All very good advice.

If you don't fluently pass in all situations (like myself), you need strong and vast support set up. Especially from friends and at work because you have to make a living and trust the people around you to give you the right kind of feedback. Secondly, you have to own it, rock it, go for it, or whatever you wanna call it. It's going to be a lot of work and a LOT of hours will be spent catching up to all the CIS women out there. But in my opinion one of the most important things is that you make sure you are comfortable. Wear clothes that make you feel good. It's a chance to reinvent your presentation, but don't push yourself too hard or you may end up feeling discouraged. Ease into it! And lastly (also probably most important) is MINDSET. Know who you are deep down and it will make you more confident in every way, which adds more to passibility than anything else. If you aren't concerned about passing, you're probably passing!

Take it one step at a time and let your femininity flow always- regardless of how you are presenting. Do what feels right on a day to day basis. If you want this badly enough and you find yourself to be comfortable with every little forward motion presentation-wise, you will end up going full time without even realizing it. That's what happened to me :)

I wish you the best of luck going full time, regardless of when you decide the time is right. Don't let anyone tell you when you should do it, only you will know!
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Kelly J. P.

 Well, having your voice down increases your passability more than any other single thing, in my opinion, so having even just a voice is a great start if you're anxious to go full-time.

I wouldn't suggest going full-time early for most people, though. Often, living as male can be debilitating and frustrating and horrible, but the risk of ridicule and shunning is very real if you try to live as a woman while not passing. Being a societal outcast sucks, specifically for what it might do to your income and mental/general health.

My opinion? You should wait a little while longer - maybe for a year of HRT. Make sure you can pluck your eyebrows, learn how to do your make-up if that's your thing, and give yourself some time to develop a strong sense of style and fashion. Believe me, fashion sense takes time. I bought many things early on, and looking on that old collection... I can't see why I would ever want to wear those clothes.

There's another important thing that needs to be worked on, too: your personality. Many times, pre-full time trans girls get obsessed with girly things. Make-up, jewellery, boys, revealing clothes, and other such stereotypes. It's not uncommon, and it's probably a valuable phase to go through, but most move beyond it as they mature into trans women. Some like to be badass trans women, some prefer to be more reserved and mature, and so on. Be whoever you want to be, and don't worry about whether a cis woman would be like whatever you want to be like. There's bound to be at least a couple cis women who are very much like [anything].


Overall, delaying full time saves money, it's less risky, and you'll be more prepared. I say wait, and let yourself free when you're ready - whenever that is.
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Megan S

I agree with the position to wait. I am very similar to Jennygirl. I had first set out to transition over the course of a year, but one day a little past 8 months it just happened to where mostly everything came together. People will respect much more for taking a slow and gradual approach, rather than trying to force acceptance. I struggled with the angst each day of living as a male at work during transition, but knowing I could go home and be my true self there got me through, but also slowing incorporating more of who I really was into my fake male life. If you go slow you will hopefully find a balance.
To dance is to be out of yourself. Larger, more beautiful, more powerful. This is power, it is glory on earth and it is yours for the taking.
Agnes DiMille
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kariann330

Idk.....i guess it was a rash thought brought on by the combination of my uncontrolled bipolar and being off HRT for almost a month and a half now that i can't afford to go to my doctor any more while waiting for my SSI claim to either finally go thru or get denied once again.

Thanks everyone.
I need a hero to save me now, i need a hero to save my life, a hero will save me just in time!!

"Don't bother running from a sniper, you will just die tired and sweaty"

Longest shot 2500yards, Savage 110BA 338 Lapua magnum, 15X scope, 10X magnifier. Bipod.
  •