Who can trust themselves?

[TheBattler]

I was reading a very interesting article for Donna Rose (http://www.donnarose.com/Blinded%20By%20Science.htm) about trust and science. Basically she said that everyone needs to trust themselves.

At this point, how I got this way really isn't important - it's an ultimately futile and misguided search.  I think - therefore, I am.  More importantly, I have learned to trust myself, and to be perfectly honest, I don't need science to validate what I already know. 

There are 5 key words in that sentence:

Learned:  This did not happen overnight.  It took a long time, and was a gradual process of trial and error. 
 
Trust:  This is the crux of the matter.  It's about trust, and it's about doubt.  It's about the vain search for hard evidence to prove something that you know to be true.  Know this: the key to becoming authentic is learning to trust yourself.  This is not easy to do.  Get to know yourself.  Get to know how you feel.  Get to know what you need.  Get to know who you are - not who you think you should be or who others might want you to be.  Once you learn to trust yourself, scientific proof becomes a moot point. 
 
Science:  What has science got to do with my gender identity, or my sexuality?  Let's say scientists identify a gene as being the source for being transgendered.  Would you accept that?  If you knew yourself to be transsexual, maybe even had SRS and was very happy and content as your authentic self, and you took this genetic test and it came back negative would you accept that?  Or, would you believe what you already know?  Do you really think there's one answer to this question that fits each and every one of us?  Or even two or three or four answers?  No.  Each of us is this way because we know we are.  The question at hand should NOT be "What is the reason for this?"  It should be: "I already know that this is true about myself.  Now, what am I going to do about it?"
 
Validate:  Why are we even looking for proof?  Because we think that if we have hard facts to prove this then others can't dispute it?  Or, is it to help ourselves feel better that it's not our fault?  Think about it....
 
Know:  Know Thyself.  Don't think you can, know you can.  Life is about learning to know things.  Why is it that so many people seem to willing to put their trust in something external to themselves to tell them what's going on about themselves?  We look to others to tell us.  We look to science to prove it to us.  We look to God for answers.  And, unfortunately, the answer to many of these questions isn't in any of these places.  Frankly, I think part of the answer is that deep down we actually already know the answers that we're looking for.  We just want to be told that it's ok.

I was thinking that I can not trust my feelings as my logic that I am male is very important to me. Many people have said that I am female and a lot of times I feel myself as being partly female and partly male. But I do not want to give into my feelings as that is a very slippery slop to somewhere that I fear. From her article again.

Who can live their life in that much fear?  People who are so afraid of making a wrong decision that they can't make ANY decision, that's who.  People let life happen to them rather than living it so they can't be blamed for anything that goes wrong.

So while I trust my logic I will go no where. When I trust my feelings I will learn my inner self and start to move forward. 

Please read the whole article and tell me how well you trust yourself and any other comments.

Alice

 

[Cindi Jones]

This is all part of the decision we face when moving towards transition.  I had a terribly difficult time because I wanted concrete medical evidence that there was something wrong with me.  I needed words on a page to show my family to prove that I was doing the right thing.  It ain't there.

I  compare it to other things that we naturally do.  Even though this analogy isn't terribly good, it aligns my feelings with reality. We don't learn to breath. We don't learn to sleep.  We don't learn to get hungry.  We don't learn to be female (or male). We just are.

Perhaps there may be the medical proof someday that we so desparately want. But until then, we need to suck it up and deal with this in the best way that we can.

Alice, I don't know whether you should transition or not.  I've known you for almost a year now and I see so much confusion ... so similar to the way I felt.  I can only share my personal experiences and hope that you find your own path to follow.

Cindi

[Kate]

Please read the whole article and tell me how well you trust yourself and any other comments.

It pretty well sums up my feelings too. I gave up on trying to "explain" this awhile ago. I wouldn't even say it's a matter of "trust," but rather it just IS. It's ME. I can't reduce it any further, or give reasons for it... as I said elsewhere the GID explains ME, I don't explain the GID.

But it's perfectly normal to go through all the questioning. We want some sort of proof, some evidence other than how we feel. But ya know, I don't WANT proof. Even if they invent a test someday, I won't take it. There's a certain power that comes from saying, "This is who I am" without props, standing completely on your own, without relying on definitions and tests and other's opinions to tell us who we are.

THIS IS WHO I AM! SO BE IT!

That just never gets old, lol...

Besides, if you think about it: what could possibly be more truthful than how you FEEL?

~Kate~

[Pica Pica]

Trouble with feelings is that you can have a lot of them at the same time, and they're all pointing in other directions.

[Kate]

Trouble with feelings is that you can have a lot of them at the same time, and they're all pointing in other directions.

Not about this, not for me anyway. Of EVERYTHING in my life, this ("I must be a girl!") is the one absolute, always present, never wavering force in my life that just could not be ignored... ever. I could fight against it and try to avoid dealing with it, but I could never *escape* it.

I realize there are always considerations opposing all this, like "I can't do this to my wife" or "Everyone will reject me!" But that doesn't mean the driving force isn't true and valid and VERY clear. But I sometimes think for some people, that all gets tangled up together, and just because they doubt they can DO anything about the GID, they doubt the GID itself.

~Kate~

[Lori]

Logic was the mother all hang ups in this mess for me. I tried to reason and use logic. This is not logical. There is no logic in doing this. Sometimes you just have to accept it for what it is. I exist therefore I am. I feel this way, therefore this is how I feel. Trying to sort, dice, slice, compare and rationalize it will only drive you insane. Kate and I spent the better part of two years doing this.

Its like trying to explain "happy". Its a feeling/emotion. How do you explain it with logic? It's something that is or isn't for an individual. It's a feeling of emotion. But how do I know my "happy is the same as 6.5 billion other peoples "happy"? You take it for granted, and take it for what somebody tells you.

The only way I could trust myself was to go back through years of logs/diaries. GID was the forefront of every topic or discussion for the last ten years. Its been the only thing on my mind. I think back from when I was 6,7,8,9,10,11....all through the years. I have always had a problem. I am not well.

I always doubted I could do something about. I have to now...I don't have a choice. I think of all the wasted years. I am scared about the future but it will work out in the end. It always does.

I think accepting myself was more important than trusting. I have always known deep down...I just wasn't ready to accept it. Accepting it means dealing with it. And who in their right mind wants to deal with this? I don't but saying my mind is clear and sound and right is going to start applying the logic phase to this again. This does not deal with absolutes nor logic. If you can abandon those two, you will be on your way. I'm not saying you have to be out of your mind, you just cannot use your mind to try to rationalize it. Use that feeling deep down in your gut. Just under your heart....deep down you know what you want. Stop thinking with your brain and trust your feelings.

[TheBattler]

Trying to sort, dice, slice, compare and rationalize it will only drive you insane. Kate and I spent the better part of two years doing this.

Thank you very much Lori and everyone one else. I now worry a lot about what I said in the beginning.

I was thinking that I can not trust my feelings as my logic that I am male is very important to me.

It seams that trusting these feelings I have had for as long as I can remember is what I need to do. It opens up everything. I could rationalise I was a cross dresser - no doubt I was doing that. But letting my feelings run wide is another step. Saying bye to my former life if I transistion is another step. I do not know where I will end up - I just know I am scared to do this.

Alice

[rhonda13000]

I was reading a very interesting article for Donna Rose (http://www.donnarose.com/Blinded%20By%20Science.htm) about trust and science. Basically she said that everyone needs to trust themselves.

At this point, how I got this way really isn't important - it's an ultimately futile and misguided search.  I think - therefore, I am.  More importantly, I have learned to trust myself, and to be perfectly honest, I don't need science to validate what I already know. 

There are 5 key words in that sentence:

Learned:  This did not happen overnight.  It took a long time, and was a gradual process of trial and error. 
 
Trust:  This is the crux of the matter.  It's about trust, and it's about doubt.  It's about the vain search for hard evidence to prove something that you know to be true.  Know this: the key to becoming authentic is learning to trust yourself.  This is not easy to do.  Get to know yourself.  Get to know how you feel.  Get to know what you need.  Get to know who you are - not who you think you should be or who others might want you to be.  Once you learn to trust yourself, scientific proof becomes a moot point. 
 
Science:  What has science got to do with my gender identity, or my sexuality?  Let's say scientists identify a gene as being the source for being transgendered.  Would you accept that?  If you knew yourself to be transsexual, maybe even had SRS and was very happy and content as your authentic self, and you took this genetic test and it came back negative would you accept that?  Or, would you believe what you already know?  Do you really think there's one answer to this question that fits each and every one of us?  Or even two or three or four answers?  No.  Each of us is this way because we know we are.  The question at hand should NOT be "What is the reason for this?"  It should be: "I already know that this is true about myself.  Now, what am I going to do about it?"
 
Validate:  Why are we even looking for proof?  Because we think that if we have hard facts to prove this then others can't dispute it?  Or, is it to help ourselves feel better that it's not our fault?  Think about it....
 
Know:  Know Thyself.  Don't think you can, know you can.  Life is about learning to know things.  Why is it that so many people seem to willing to put their trust in something external to themselves to tell them what's going on about themselves?  We look to others to tell us.  We look to science to prove it to us.  We look to God for answers.  And, unfortunately, the answer to many of these questions isn't in any of these places.  Frankly, I think part of the answer is that deep down we actually already know the answers that we're looking for.  We just want to be told that it's ok.

I was thinking that I can not trust my feelings as my logic that I am male is very important to me. Many people have said that I am female and a lot of times I feel myself as being partly female and partly male. But I do not want to give into my feelings as that is a very slippery slop to somewhere that I fear. From her article again.

Who can live their life in that much fear?  People who are so afraid of making a wrong decision that they can't make ANY decision, that's who.  People let life happen to them rather than living it so they can't be blamed for anything that goes wrong.

So while I trust my logic I will go no where. When I trust my feelings I will learn my inner self and start to move forward. 

Please read the whole article and tell me how well you trust yourself and any other comments.

Alice

I do not dispute that statement - entirely.

But I would proffer that ascertaining 'cause and effect' of one's own TS is not solely a function of struggling to obtain veracity and validity of the fact that one is TS.

For me, it was insatiable curiosity. I needed no additional evidence to substantiate my TS - I had much more than enough, on hand.

[Judge Yourself]

I've always been very mistrusting of myself and my own mind, but only because I've been told in the past by psychs/guidance teachers etc that I'm being ridiculous. I realised that only when I started listening to myself properly that they couldn't tell me I was wrong anymore...

[katia]

i trust myself to the extent that i know i will do my best. yes, i can resist temptation and yes sometimes i do fail; yet i don't beat myself up about it. i realize that i fell into something that i shouldn't have, learn, and move on. i believe that as long as you are learning and growing in life, mistakes are alright.  experience is what we call our mistakes, yes?  we also say we can trust our experience, right?  well, if i can trust my [mistakes], i'm going to have one dysfunctional life; which i did . Else, why would i spend every single day on this site? am i looking for more [experience] or more [mistakes]?

[tinkerbell]

I have learned to trust myself, and now I am the first person I ask when I need advice.  I know that perhaps this may sound unusual to some of you, but I always seek the advice of my internal voice, and so far, that voice has never failed me.  Personally, I think that the best way to trust yourself is to be vigilant, realistic, and rational.  Remember that you are human first and above all, and that you will be affected by the same things that others are, and unless it is creating a problem or harm, I'd say, enjoy the ride! 

tink

[Ell]

This is a great thread, gurls. thanx. i also get totally mixed up sometimes, and can't see how i'm going to proceed, or if i should proceed, then get depressed, falling into that deep tunnel of depression that keeps going down, down, down. oh wait, i'm rambling. sorry.

[Renae.Lupini]

More often than not, the feelings and thoughts that we have aren't about us at all. It is about the way other people may perceive us if a certain variable occurs. It is own self-manufactured fear of something that we have no definitive way of knowing until we actually do it. We get so caught up in the concept of ensuring that everyone else around is happy and content with who we are that don't ever become who we want to be. We feel the safety of familiarity is better than going into the unknown.

There is perception and reality. More often than not our perceptions of reality are nowhere near what reality actually is. We think up these elaborate doomsday scenarios in our heads that prevent us from ever trying to expand ourselves beyond where we are in life. We are own worst enemy in that we hold ourselves back from ever reaching our full potential.

We are quick to blame the world at large but ultimately the responsibility lies with us. Is our choice to life in misery for the sake of others happiness. It is our choice to live a hollow existence out of fear of what "might" happen. It is our choice to move past the fears of the unknown and begin to live a full life. It is our choice to look back on our lives and either be proud of what we have done or wish we had done more.

Do I trust myself? Yes, I most certainly do.