Is it normal to worry so much about surgery?

[SarahDoll1987]

Hi everyone,

Just yesterday I went to Charing Cross Gender Clinic (In the UK) and finally have both approvals for surgery... But over the past few weeks I've found myself worrying a lot about surgery. Usually things like "What if I regret the decision?" and "What if I don't enjoy intimacy afterwards?".

I have no doubt about my gender identity. I've been full time now for almost 2 years and it's been the best years of my life. I'm lucky that I transitioned fairly young (At 23) and seem to pass without any problem. Since I left my job (Where I transitioned) and returned to full time education I've been mostly stealth, and only a handful of people are aware of my past.

Anyway, I'm hoping I can get advice from some others here. Did anyone else spend a lot of time worrying about surgery before it happened and were you happy with the results afterwards? I guess I'm just scared that I'm still quite young and making a life changing decision that could affect me for a long time if I get it wrong.

Thanks,
Sarah

[Tristan]

heck yeah. the closer mine ot the more i worried. and when the day came it went so well. if you can try not to worry so much. im sure it will go just fine

[Vicky]

We are never fully able to grasp the entirety of our decision to have SRS when we make the decision.  There are things that our crystal balls will just not bring up on the screen.  I fully agree with SummerBreeze in her sentiments.  You will die to much of your prior life right there in the OR and you will grieve that death for several days after you come out of the anesthetic.  Perhaps you have a foretaste of that approaching, and that is very good, it is proper and very normal.

If you seriously start having doubts, then it is a good idea to immediately get in touch with your gender therapist for a talk, not everyone needs SRS to live a good life, I was not one who could do without it, but they exist. I did have moments of wondering if I had made the right decision, even several days after the surgery, but they got fewer and fewer as the days went by. 

[Padma]

I was talking about this yesterday with the therapist at my gender clinic - as I get closer to surgery, the practical reality of it is looming more. He told me everybody is scared before surgery (why wouldn't you be? It's a very big deal), and almost everybody is happy afterwards. It's healthy to keep checking with yourself rather than assume certainty, I think.

[SarahDoll1987]

Hiya,

Thanks for the replies everyone.. It's definitely helped! I'm still like really scared of the surgery, but it's not like it's happening tomorrow so I still have plenty of time to really think everything through. I expect at the earliest it'll be next summer. It could probably be done sooner but I'm a full time student and I want to try get it scheduled when it wont interfere with my university studies, and I really don't think there will be time to have it scheduled for this summer since I still need to wait for the NHS to agree to fund it, have a consultation with the surgeon, and then get a date for surgery. Other people I've spoken to said it usually takes like 6 to 8 months.

I was also reading a blog that's really scary, about a woman who had her surgery done at Charing Cross Hospital in the UK, which is where mine will be done... She posted on her blog about how much pain she was in, and only being allowed morphine for 1 day because of the risk of addiction, and the trouble sleeping because of the pain. One good tip I picked up from it though, is that the day after they took away the morphine, she couldn't get any sleeping pills because it was too late in the day for a doctor to be able to prescribe them to her, so I'll definitely be asking for some before the surgery is done just to be on the safe side!

Anyway, thanks again for the replies

Sarah

[Beth Andrea]

Pain is something that is very individual...depends on your own pain tolerance, and how things are coming together at the site.

I'd suggest being prepared for pain, but don't automatically take the pain meds unless it is truly needed at the time. (I am currently non-op, but will be in your shoes in a couple years)

And I'll probably post the same question...LOL! Good luck when you do get there!