Classic Problem: Unstoppable Force vs Immovable Object

[Sabrina]

Hello everyone. I am relatively new to forums in general and discussing personal issue in public but this seems like a good place for me to get some advice. I can no longer keep this under proverbial hat. How I like to think of my gender issue is using the classic problem: What happens when an unstoppable force comes in contact with and immovable object? In this case the unstoppable force is my female side trying to break thru and the immovable object is my male side trying to retain control.
One problem plaguing me is that I still live at home with my parents and can't afford to move out though I am old enough. If I reveal what I am thinking to them I fear what would happen. I manage to keep my female side appeased for the time being by crossdressing in private and wearing ladies undergarments under my male clothes but she wants more. I can feel her trying to break thru but my male side is holding strong not letting go. The whole struggle between the two dominates my thoughts day in and day out. Its gotten to the point where I only feel pleasure while crossdressing. I'm currently in the process of seeing a therapist but time to make appointments is few and far between. I'm not sure what to do next. Thank for the assistance preemptively.

[MaidofOrleans]

Ill keep it short since I hate typing on my phone.

I was in the same living situation as you when I came out. It was the driving force I used to finally move out and start transition. Things were rough with my parents at first but now they are very supportive. They just didn't want to watch the play by play transition at home.

That immovable object can be broken but the unstoppable force will never go away. Some people can cope without transition but in my case I let it free and I'm much happier because of it.

My advice is to see a therapist before doing anything else.

[Joanna Dark]

You can transition at home and just not come out. There is no rule you have to tell people. I mean if anyone has learned to keep secrets, it's us. The HRT, if that's what you want, to become a woman, won't really take effect for a year or two. Sure, there will be changes but you can dodge the questions. I guess it depends on how female you look at the start. I'm not the most masculine looking person so changes towards a more female look won't be as noticed if I was very male looking. The question is what do you want: to become a woman forever (there is no going back once you "pass" lol a ceratin point) or will crossdressing and an accepting spouse fulfill you. I had an accepting ex but not accepting enough since I wanted to go all the way. Needed is more like it. You need to figure out what you want and no therapist can tell you that only you can answer the question. they help. But ultimately it's up to you to do the work, at least that's been my experience with therapy.

[Sabrina]

Wow. Thank you all thus far for your support. It truly means a lot. Based on those responses alone, I think I have finally found a place I can be my real self without fear of persecution or retribution. My ultimate goal is  to get HRT and to hide it as long as possible. Luckily for me, I have a protruding sternum which naturally makes my chest stick out farther than normal about an inch or so making the beginning stages easier to hide. Now the next order of business is to locate the right doctor who knows about the subject and can do things properly.