Funny story behind my first time out, actually. Sort of a long one, too. I'll abridge it as best I can. I'd been outside in girl's clothes before, but never off my own property, so I don't really count that as "out".
It was the night before my brother's wedding, and I was nervous as hell. My sister and I had planned that the wedding would be my first time out and about in the type of clothing I knew I was meant to wear. I must've been in the bathroom for around three hours, shaving everything and making damn sure there was no facial stubble
(I still haven't tried make-up). I shampooed and conditioned my hair about three times over, as in my daily male life, it's pretty heavy and a nightmare to style. I also plucked my eyebrows and checked for nostril hairs
(for some reason I've never had any).
I went to bed with a mixture of excitement and dread, sort of like Christmas Eve, only at the same time you're certain something bad is going to happen.
When I woke up the next morning, the house was in a mad rush. I had slept in by about two hours, and no one thought to wake me up. Oh well. I locked myself in the bathroom and nervously set to work. After a quick wake-up shower, I started getting ready. I slipped on my new pink and white top, and straightened my hair. I'm not ready for the whole bra and fake boobs phase yet, and I surely wasn't then. After squeezing into my white dress pants
(I'm a size 1, which is apparently something the women in my family envy), I pulled on my long socks and best sneakers. I completed the look with some accessories, including a thin black women's tie, two studded black vinyl wrist bands, and for the reception, my studded collar
(I had to get out of the tie eventually, knowing the reception would have food, and I didn't want the tie dipping into it).
To say I was nervous would be an understatement - I was standing in the bathroom, staring at the door, telling myself,
"Ok, this is it. This is your chance. If you're ever going to stop hiding behind Alfred for the rest of your life, you're going to have to show Alice to the world someday. That day is today."When I opened the door, my sister squealed with delight. My mom actually made me model the pants, as they apparently did a rather nice job of framing up my rear. After a too-long Mother/sister/daughter moment full of positive reinforcement and praising my ability to pull the look off, we are finally ready to leave. I down a cup of black coffee before we leave, to calm my nerves and wake me up a little more.
About halfway there, I'm having second thoughts. I mention this to my brother's best man, Dave, who is sitting next to me in the back seat. He smiles, places a hand on my thigh, and leans in close.
"Are you KIDDING me? Look at you! If I was... well... you know... I'd be ALL OVER you!"He then made a sizzling noise and pulled his hand back quickly, shaking it off.
"You're smokin', Alice. Anyone who says otherwise can get free admission to the gun show!"You know, that old line about big muscles. Dave's a dork, and I'm glad we're friends.
This was also the first time someone really referred to me by my female name. I was blown away, and he wouldn't stop giggling at how bad I was blushing. A poke-fight ensued thusly. Mind you, this was only a year ago, and we're both in the 23-25 age range.
We get to the church, and there is an OCEAN of people waiting outside. I step out of the car last, and thank heavens that all eyes are not on me. I do, however, wonder why I'm not garnering that much attention. Surely I'm not
that passable? I take it as a blessing and walk up to the groom's family group, and idle chat with family I haven't seen in some time passes the time until we enter the church.
The ceremony was plain-clothes, as both of our families don't like to put people out by expecting them to rent a fancy suit or gown or anything. On top of that, we just like being casual. My brother wore his Army ACUs, and my sister-in-law wore a gorgeous wedding gown. They both felt sort of out of place, or so it looked from where I sat.
After the ceremony, we all gathered outside and did the whole yelling in celebration and throwing stuff around thing. Afterwards, I noticed the pastor standing in the doorway of the church. I approached him, and offered my gratitude for such a lovely ceremony. He gave me a bit of a startled look, and then smiled warmly to me, offering his hands. I placed my fingers in his palms, and he held onto them firmly, looking me right in the eye.
"Diversity and honesty are what make life colorful. God will always welcome you in his house, no matter what others may perceive. Don't ever let anyone tell you your smile isn't wonderful."I didn't know what to say - I was completely taken aback. He let go of my hands, and opened his arms. I gave him a big hug, and fought back happy tears. It was the most unbelievable moment of my life.
I couldn't hold it in, and on the way to the reception, I cried. my mom asked me what was wrong, and I told her what happened. We had a moment, and before long we were there. I went into the bathroom
(the men's room... ugh) and straightened myself out. I gave myself a good long look in the mirror, and smiled. I'd only interacted with one stranger today, and it was the greatest feeling in the world. I had to experience it again.
When I stepped back out into the dining hall, my grandmother ran up to me with open arms and shouted,
"There she is!". She hugged me tight and we caught up with each other. My mom had apparently told her about my gender situation via email in the past couple of weeks, and she was totally willing and happy to refer to me as my true gender.
It was amazing, but I would find that as the night passed, in some cases it would get a little... awkward.
A dance contest broke out around 8pm, and we all hit the floor in a huge circle. Two or three people would start off, dancing into the circle and taking about a minute to bust some moves. Then they would dance out of the circle, pointing at someone to come in next. Inevitably, I was picked. The song playing at the time was Haddaway's
What is Love?. My grandmother, a crazy party animal at 63 years old, entered across from me. We both looked at each other and nodded knowingly, then lifted our hands up and started swinging our hips in place. We slid across the dance floor to one another, and started grinding back-to-back. The crowd was going absolutely NUTS.
The team of Alice and Alice
(I took my name from my grandmother, because it'd be easier on my friends to still call me Al, and, as you can see, she's an amazingly awesome woman) finished as runners-up, defeated only by the magic that was my brother Jon and Dave, who started a craze called "the Lawnmower". Pull start, pull start, and kick it, and kick it, and kick it...
I clung to her for most of the night, and we made a pretty good drinking team, playing team quarters and beer pong together.
The awkwardness kicks in right about... now.
From across the room, I hear,
"Hey, Alice! Can I get those digits?" My grandmother and I look at each other and shrug, thinking nothing of it. After a few more beers, I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around and look up to see a very tall man giving me the strangest look I have ever seen. He then turns around and takes off back to his table. I don't see him again for the rest of the evening.
The night winds down, and by now, I'm so drunk that I don't even remember that I was born male. The party has been pretty much ace aside from the strange encounter earlier. I help clean up, and we all pile into the car to go home after the drunken goodbyes and shallow promises to keep in touch with family I don't even know.
In the car, Dave mentions to me that the guy who shouted at me and then approached me was a friend of his. He thought I was "bangin'" during the dance-off, and was too drunk to notice I was a physical male. This was a little awkward for me, but all in all, I thought it was
sort of a compliment, and we all agreed it was hilarious. I guess when he saw me really up-close, he must've noticed and was really embarrassed.
I slept VERY well that night. Here's a picture of a drunken Alice as captured by my sister's god-awful webcam:
