Coming out to the congregation

[Chaunte]

Hey there!

This is the scoop...

My pastor knows about me and that I will be transitioning this September.  Fr. Jim was very low key about it.  His response was basically, Okay.  Thanks for telling me, I appreciate it.  What, if anything, should we tell the congregation?

We need to say something since I am a liturgical musician and, as a result, have something of a leadership role in worship.  If I were to show up one day in a skirt without any sort of prior communication with the congregation, I think it would be disruptive.

Here's my question:  What and how much should be said prior to my transitioning?

Just so you have some background information - St. Andrew's is very accepting and very open community.  They host the LGBT liturgy.  In my opinion, the community lives the Gospel message, and does so with deeds & not words alone.  A number of 'regular parishoners' have seen me at the LGBT liturgy, so my transexuality is not a secret.

Thoughts?

Chaunte

[HelenW]

I suggest when the Pastor makes his weekly announcements that he simply tell the congregation that next week or two weeks from now, "Chaunte, now known to us as ××××× will come to church as her true self." or something like that.

Make yourself available afterwards for questions, congratulations, etc. and I think you'll be fine.

hugs & smiles
helen

[David W. Shelton]

Well, let's see... church is a lot like a workplace in many ways. When I came out as gay a few years ago, all I had to do was tell one person and everyone knew by the end of the day. It was a very efficient "coming out" for me. Of course, a bit piece in The Advocate and a letter supporting same-sex marriage in the local paper in the same week didn't hurt either...

My thought would be to talk to some of the leadership in the LGBT group. Once you're all on the same page, you can come out to the entire congregation.

Even though your transsexuality is "no secret" to the LGBT group, I think a formal "coming out" would be appropriate.. especially to the LGBT group eventually. They can celebrate with you at that point.

Like I said, then they can support you when you feel it's appropriate to announce to everyone. Susan is sitting here (our weekly Friday night gathering, of course) and suggests even having a handout available with some basic information about transsexuality and how it relates to the Scriptures. I agree with her.

But that's just my thoughts... get your allies together, PRAY, PRAY, and then PRAY some more... then go for it when you have that peace in your spirit.

Praying for you,

David

[BeverlyAnn]

Hmmm, hard to say Chaunte.  At OPPC, it was known from day 1 that I was TG but since we had a number of TG members, some transitioning, some not, and a post op Parrish Associate, it was no big deal.  If I were having to inform a congregation, I think I would go for something as simple as an announcement that "(old name) will begin transition and will be living full time as (new name). If you have any questions, (new name) will be happy to answer them so don't hesitate to ask her."

Beverly

[Chaunte]

Well, let's see... church is a lot like a workplace in many ways. When I came out as gay a few years ago, all I had to do was tell one person and everyone knew by the end of the day. It was a very efficient "coming out" for me. Of course, a bit piece in The Advocate and a letter supporting same-sex marriage in the local paper in the same week didn't hurt either...

My thought would be to talk to some of the leadership in the LGBT group. Once you're all on the same page, you can come out to the entire congregation.

Even though your transsexuality is "no secret" to the LGBT group, I think a formal "coming out" would be appropriate.. especially to the LGBT group eventually. They can celebrate with you at that point.

Like I said, then they can support you when you feel it's appropriate to announce to everyone. Susan is sitting here (our weekly Friday night gathering, of course) and suggests even having a handout available with some basic information about transsexuality and how it relates to the Scriptures. I agree with her.

But that's just my thoughts... get your allies together, PRAY, PRAY, and then PRAY some more... then go for it when you have that peace in your spirit.

Praying for you,

David

I'm sorry.  Let me clarify...

I was talking about coming out to the regular congregation.  The LGBT community was a walk in the park and there were no problems at all.

Chaunte

[Suzy]

Chanute,

Here is how I would do it:  I would wait until the time of the pastoral prayer (or whatever your equivalent is) and simply ask the Fr. to make a statement that you are transitioning and that you would like to be surrounded with prayer for the challenges ahead of you.  I think that puts it in the right frame of reference.  Of course people will gossip, but I've found that if the first time they hear about it is in the context of prayer, they are less likely to spread anything negative.

BTW, this is how we inform our congregation if anyone is HIV positive.  There are lots of hugs and tears, but an overwhelming sense of family and support.

Grace and Peace!

Kristi

[Chaunte]

Theses are good thoughts.  Thank you and keep them coming!

Chaunte

[David W. Shelton]

I do think that since you're in a welcoming congregation already, that's half the battle. I agree with Kristi... a simple matter of prayer and support should take care of it nicely.

"Chaunte is transitioning to her true self, please keep her in prayer as she undergoes GRS surgery..."

that sort of thing... maybe not THAT specific, but I think you get the idea.

Gossips will wag their tongues no matter what, but when the entire congregation is armed with the truth, their "bombshell" all of the sudden becomes powerless.