What to expect from therapists? Advice needed

[Sammy]

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[A]

A therapist is supposed to:

-Help you make sure of your gender identity, if applicable. (This is where most of the bad ones fail)
-Make sure you don't have other issues that might either cloud your judgement or put you at risk during transition and, if applicable, treat them at least to a point where there is no major worry.
-Make sure you are ready for transition and understand what it entails, and give you tools and resources in this goal.
-Help you determine the appropriate path and course of action for your transition.
-Refer you for the next necessary steps in transition, if the therapist has the ability to do such a thing.
-Accompany you through transition, if desired, to support you and answer your questions.
-Provide legal support later if, for example, you need a letter for SRS.

Good therapists should do that, and should not judge you. The people you've talked to visibly just got unlucky. Seeing a bad therapist is useless, but that's not true for all therapists.

As for how you should act, well, be yourself, be honest, and be straightforward (but not aggressive) regarding what you want from the therapist. Do care about what you feel like to them (if you want HRT, appearing fragile, fetishist, suicidal and instable when you aren't really isn't the best plan), but don't hide or stretch truth. If seeing a good therapist can be useless, it has to be when you lie.

[Shodan]

I think the point is that your therapist is supposed to be the one person you can trust to be yourself around. Most people try to put up a macho front with other people, swallowing their sadness and being all emotionless and stoic in the face of adversity when all we want to do is break down and cry. (Gee. I've never done that myself.  ) The therapist's office is supposed to be a safe place where you can do just that. I know that for a lot of people it's hard to let their guard down around a complete stranger, and it takes a lot of trust to do it.

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Sammy,

Lets, say, if I break down into tears during the session - will it be good or bad?

Good. You are displaying a honest reaction to a certain painful event, and only you can determine whether that event is painful or not.

Why is being fragile so bad when dealing with therapist?

It shouldn't be. If the therapist is trained adequately they should not be concerned. They should be expecting it. My therapist was so pleased to hear I have a 'dark' spot. I can throw a 'hissy fit' of mammoth proportions if pushed. He was pleased about that. Showed I wasn't uncharacteristically compliant.

Or are we talking about different notions here - fragile like unstable and weak person, as compared to "macho" type?

Unsure what you mean by this statement. But in general it's OK to be fragile.

Huggs
Catherine

[A]

Lets, say, if I break down into tears during the session - will it be good or bad?

It's neither good or bad. Do what feels right. You shouldn't hold it in too much, and you shouldn't actually try to cry either. Act naturally. The more you calculate your actions, the least useful therapy becomes.

Why is being fragile so bad when dealing with therapist? Or are we talking about different notions here - fragile like unstable and weak person, as compared to "macho" type? Because I am so sick of trying to be macho wannabie for X years that I dont want to return into this territory anymore

Fragile and sensitive aren't the same. The way I mean it, anyway. To be sensitive is to be open about your emotions, and to feel them easily. To be fragile is to be vulnerable. Like physical object, the way I mean it, someone fragile is someone who will break easily. Pretty similar to instability. An example would be someone who's really desperate, but gets really hopeful when starting transition. And as soon as there's the smallest difficulty, bang, they break. I should never have done this, I'm going to kill myself. They're all liars and incompetents, the lot of them. I'm never going to be happy. Etc.

Sensitive people don't "break" when there's a problem. They feel the shock, they express their feelings about it, they cry. But that's the normal and healthy coping mechanism of the sensitive person, not them breaking, with damage to repair.

And if you fear you might not be able to keep yourself from manipulating your therapist, well, tell him just that. He'll understand, might help you solve the issue and will be more careful not to let you counteract treatment.

[Dana_H]

I have to agree with what some others have said here; the most important things are to be as honest as you can with your therapist and remember that the therapist is not there to tell you what to do, he is there to help you decide for yourself what to do. If you fear you might try to manipulate the therapist, say as much. If there are any other things you fear you might do that would sabotage things, mention those as well.

If the therapist is taking you in a direction that doesn't feel right for you, say so. A proper therapist is a guide, not a gatekeeper. If the therapist feels transition is not appropriate, make sure you understand why the therapist feels that way; there might be a perfectly good reason, which the therapist should be more than willing to discuss with you. Usually, though, the issue for the therapist is not so much a matter of *if*, but a matter of *when*. That is, making sure you are ready for each step and not moving more quickly than is healthy for you or gently prodding you if you are stalling or stuck when you should be moving forward. Finally, if you feel things are simply not working out, you are always free to find another therapist.

[Rita]

A therapist is there for 3 things, To listen, answer questions and provide constructive feedback.  Not to be a road block, and not to stop you from making decisions on your own.  If you don't feel what a therapist is saying is proper, or their suggestion turns into a demand just respectfully decline and counter argue.  If you find a therapist is only bent on forcing you into their "plan" for transition it would be best cutting off ties and finding someone interested in helping you develop your own plan and work out your own feelings and not what they believe should be your feelings.

Your experience will not and cannot be one artificially created for you nor is there any specific cookie cutter mold on how one MUST transition

[A]

Isn't to be Jewish a religion rather than a race? And to begin with, how do you know he's Jewish? If he told you, it might be scary.

[A]

What's wrong with hand shakes?

[A]

Mmmh... Yeah. Haven't shook hands with a man in a long time, but I remember hating it. They're always trying to crush you. :c

I didn't have it in mind anymore because the only close memory I have is my (female) psychologist shaking my hand when I go, and it's much more delicate.