Advice needed- meeting up with a group of friends

[Dee]

So, I've started going out with some friends, presenting passively female. Theyre the ones I have already come out to over the last few months, and as I have grown more comfortable with myself (and more distressed with being fully gendered as male), I've accelerated this part of my social transition. It's been great! They make their mistakes with pronouns, but the only eyebrows raised have belonged to strangers, and even then Ive been able to block this out.

My problem though, is I haven't quite told everyone. Its not out of shame, privacy, or anything along those lines. Rather, I'm just tired of pulling friends aside to tell them, as I hold off presenting in girl-mode. I've been avoiding coming out on Facebook, since some of my coworkers have a lot of mutual friends (and I can't think of a way of doing so without opening it to a public discussion with reply all/notifications). Tonight, my friends'/ex bandmate's band is playing. They haven't been told...nor have the majority of the people I know who are going. I'd like to go, in girl-mode, but I'm not sure how that may go, just showing up and giving this news so abruptly.

Would this be incredibly off putting? Im confident they'll be accepting, since we have trans* mutual acquaintances. I guess I'm worried they would be offended by not having been disclosed first. But it would be such an easy way to tell everyone at once! Am i making a big deal out of this? Anyone go through a similar situation?

Thanks for any input!

[Hideyoshi]

I would say to just do it, and if anyone questions you, answer them honestly. Tell them this is a hugely important part of your life.

[jojoglowe]

I'm in the exact same situation as you! Tho you're a few steps ahead of me it sounds. I haven't started going out in girl mode, i'm still holding out in boy mode

But I've told a few close friends and when I am spending time with them I feel very relaxed and free to simply be myself. When I'm with people I haven't told, well, its weird. I've only told my closest friends who I love very much. I'm moving to a different city in just over a month. I'm not entirely sure if I'm going to tell everyone thru facebook or just dissapear into my new life, and start a new facebook.

I think in the end I'll end up telling everyone thru facebook as I feel a responsibility to share this part of me, in hopes that it will make it easier for anyone else like me down the road. It does get a little tiring telling everyone one by one and I imagine once I get tired of that I'll tell the world en mass.

More and more, I'm less worried about what other people think. Ok, alot less worried about what people think. I've got enough close and awesome friends that I don't need all these non-close acquaintances. If they choose to understand/accept thats cool, if not, I'll meet new cool people so that makes more room.

Best of luck, I hope everything goes great keep us posted!

[jojoglowe]

p.s. cute avatar!

[Dee]

Thanks girls! Sorry I'm late responding.

I wound up going as myself, and just casually mentioning my gender dysphoria to those I knew a bit better, along with a quick explanation of transitioning. They were great, and very nonchalant about it! Also pretty funny when a number of people didn't recognize me at all, until after the last band played and I was speaking to a couple people. (I'd post an older pic for reference, but I don't have one on my phone.)

Jojo- you sound like where I was at a month or two ago. I was just soooo exhausted of trying to meet up with people to tell them something, while trying to not make it sound like I was dying haha. I really didn't expect to just jump into a social transition until I couldn't pass as a guy, but it just got too stressful. Ya need to let the girl outsooner or later! 

(PS thanks for the nice compliment! Made me smile when I saw it!)

Edit: omg I hate my keyboard/autocorrect.

[Tristan]

Yeah I agree with everyone else. Just go with the flow and explan if need be. That's what I have herd most do.

[SophiePeters]

Definitely, just go for it that's what I have done in the past half the time friends didn't even recognize me until talking to me then it's all kinds of fun. I find when friends see it they take the news better than being in a false presentation telling them the way they've always seen you is a lie.  I generally get lots of hugs this way and a lot of it needs to process the other way

[Dee]

I'm happy to see I went with the unanimous approach! And Sophie- the hugs have been great haha. I'm surprised this pesentation of coming out is far less shocking than my previous method, and its probably exactly for the reason you suggest. People just need the 'live demo' experience to process what's happening, even if its something they can't relate to.

[SophiePeters]

Exactly I have one friend who knew from the beginning was supportive but since he lives in another state had only seen pictures.  He kept calling me he, man treating me like a guy responding to most my question as a guy would to a guy.  In some ways it was disheartening but once he came to visit I saw him walking into a store in town so I jeted in behind him without his knowledge.  Ended up hanging out that night and he hasn't treated me like a guy or used the wrong pronoun since even though he swore he would never do so =P.