Hi,
i'm Rachel, 30 years old, currently living in Nebraska, somewhere on the MTF spectrum. I've known about the resources here for a while, but finally decided to delurk and join the community; and what an excellent family it seems to be.
For as long as I can remember, I have felt that my personality is much more female than male. I don't have the same issues as many, in that I don't feel like it's either ditch the male parts or I can't go on, and I'm thankful for that. (though, as I've finally allowed myself to express what I feel is my true self over the last two years, I've wondered if that will eventually change. I guess time will tell.) A number of things have me nervous about even presenting the way I would like; all the usual stuff about being afraid of losing people in my life, ridicule, etc. It's easy to say that they weren't true connections to begin with if they ditch, but my heart hasn't accepted it yet. There's one other complication; blindness. While I don't think it impacts much of my life at all, and in fact believe it is merely a characteristic, my gender expression is one area I haven't quite reconciled with my philosophy on blindness. Right now, the only friends that live close who know about Rachel are also blind. So, going shopping is complicated by the fact that we have to ask someone for help. I'm still not to the point where I don't care if they know the clothes are for me, and since none of us can tell whether I'd blend in as a woman (from the front, I already seem to from the back) I haven't tried going out presenting yet. I do some shopping online, but someday I dare you to buy clothes from the text descriptions alone
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Someday I hope I can find someone local who will be able to help and give advice. In the meantime, I'm greatful to meet all of you.
That was kind of a lot for an intro post.
Feel free to ask any questions, I'm only shy in person
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hugs,
Rachel
