Sexual orientation??

[dean1229]

Hi guys and girls,

i am new here. I am a 29 years old Female to Male transsexual which as all of you know means that i was born a female but i have always felt and wanted to be a male.

I wanted to be a boy ever since i can remember myself which is probably since i was 3-4 years old and i totally hated playing with dolls and dressing like a girl. I kept asking my parents to treat me like a boy and i would get very angry with them every time they treated me like a girl.

Anyway, the thing is - i have never been attracted to girls. I've always liked men. I am not Bi. I like men and that's it. The thing is - i know that the majority of transsexual people are attracted to the opposite sex. But i feel like a man and still i am attracted to men! So i guess that makes me a gay guy. 

My question is - are there any other FTM or MTF transsexuals that are the same way??? I feel really lonely and depressed about this! This is a very big problem for me because normal men don't like me cos i dress like a man and gay men don't like me too cos i am not a real man! 

Sometimes i think about killing myself. No this is a lie. All the time i think about killing myself!!! For me this is impossible to be happy in this world! I feel like a total freak and nothing can make me happy. i really hate my body and i totally hate being a female when all i ever wanted was to be a man!!! ((((

[JohnnieRamona]

I can't speak for others, but so far 8 months of hormones hasn't changed my sexual orientation, which is bisexual with a strong preference for trans and cis women (but also attraction to some trans men... very few CIS guys so far). YMMV, but it seems like transitioning doesn't fundamentally change the sexual orientation of many folks.

[pretty pauline]

Hi guys and girls,
Sometimes i think about killing myself. No this is a lie. All the time i think about killing myself!!! For me this is impossible to be happy in this world!

Don't think about that Dean, well you'v come to the right place, you'll get a lot of respect here and make good friends with guys and girls in the same situation as your goodself, it will all work out for you, take care.
Pauline

[dean1229]

Thanks for ur answer, well my biggest problem is that i am a FTM transsexual who happens to like guys. The vast majority of FTM like girls. But i hate dressing like a woman, this makes me feel like i've been just raped or sth like that and i feel totally awful and i feel disgusting when i dress like a woman. So so called "normal' and straight guys don't like me cos i look and act like a man. They totally hate that. But gay guys don't like me too cos biologically i am a female. All this makes it impossible for me to find a partner, someone to love me. ((( I really feel like a major failure and a waste of space. 

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Dean,

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Janet  )O(

[dean1229]

Hi Ms. OBrien CVT

Nice to meet you.

Well i guess transsexual people are the only ones who will really understand me. It doesn't really matter who they are - FTM or MTF. You are the ones to understand what i am going through. The rest of the world thinks i am just a freak who is really crazy and needs to see a shrink. I am so tired of this. Of this situation where no one is of any help. Everyone who is normal thinks this is something that is too weird for their minds.  

[Devlyn]

Hi Dean, welcome to Susan's Place. You just had three perfectly normal people, Johnnie, Pauline, and MsO'Brien tell you that this isn't too weird for their minds. You've just been hanging around the wrong people. Hugs, Devlyn

[dean1229]

Devlyn Marie

Thanks girl I really appreciate that.

The problem is that we are a minority and the vast majority of people think we are freaks... I know you will say i don't have to hang around them but you know they are all around us and they will always say we are freaks and call us names and we will never be "normal" to them.

The thing that hurts me the most is that sometimes i have to compromise myself and sometimes i have to dress like a girl in order to seem "normal" to all those people. If i want a guy to like me i have to look like a girl. I still have long hair so it's not so hard. I just have to dress like a girl and put some make-up on. Which is totally dusgusting to me cos i HATE looking like a woman and i HATE being sexy in a feminine way. I just hate when men treat me like a woman and look at my feminine parts. Unfortunately, i don't really have a choice cos i like men and they will never go out with a girl who looks and acts like a guy.

But i am so tired cos i am not a woman so i hate pretending to be one!!! Yet, i am not a real man too, even though i am really tall and it's not a big problem for me to pass as a man. But i don't have male parts and this really makes me feel like a "fake" man...

[Liminal Stranger]

Welcome to the forum, man! You certainly aren't alone.
Sure you can be FtM and like men, just like any other cisguy who likes men. Unfortunately, the LGB part of the alphabet soup, L and G especially, seem to dislike the T and enjoy kicking them around and looking down on them. But hey, just because your body doesn't confirm it doesn't mean you aren't as real of a man as any cisgendered male out there.

Out of curiosity, what's your situation right now? Are you living with your parents- if so, do they accept you, or are they still the way they were when you were younger? Are you on T at this point? Because it sounds like you haven't really begun some kind of transition, and that can help a lot with the horrible feelings you have over your body, something called dysphoria. It comes with the territory, pretty much everyone here has or has had it at some point. Hang in there, dean.

Once your post count is at 15, you can send people a private message. Feel free to send one if you need to talk to someone.

[Devlyn]

You're making lots of generalisations. Plus there's a lot more out there than men who like women and women who like men. Its called a gender spectrum for a reason. Hugs, Devlyn

[Devlyn]

Hi guys,

i've posted this in another thread before but i found this one now. I think this one is more suitable for me.

First of all, i am new here. I am a  Female to Male transsexual.

I wanted to be a boy ever since i can remember myself which is probably since i was 3-4 years old and i totally hated playing with dolls and dressing like a girl. I kept asking my parents to treat me like a boy and i would get very angry with them every time they treated me like a girl.

Anyway, the thing is - i have never been attracted to girls. I've always liked men. I am not Bi. I like men and that's it. The thing is - i know that the majority of transsexual people are attracted to the opposite sex. But i feel like a man and still i am attracted to men! So i guess that makes me a gay guy.

My question is - are there any other FTM transsexuals that are the same way??? I feel really lonely and depressed about this! This is a very big problem for me because normal men don't like me cos i dress like a man and gay men don't like me too cos i am not a real man! 

Sometimes i think about killing myself. No this is a lie. All the time i think about killing myself!!! For me this is impossible to be happy in this world! I feel like a total freak and nothing can make me happy. i really hate my body and i totally hate being a female when all i ever wanted was to be a man!!! ((((

Yes, that's called crossposting, and it's against our rules, so I have merged your topics together.

If you are feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of suicide, please call one of the hotlines posted prominently on the Forums. Hugs, Devlyn

[John Smith]

Plenty of gay transguys out there, I'm one of them. Fortunately for me, I'm perfectly happy being single and in hermit-mode, so I guess in the grand scheme of things, my sexuality doesn't make that much of a difference. That aside, there are definitely gay guys out there that can handle a bloke built from an alternative set of lego's.

[dean1229]

Liminal Stranger

Thanks for your reply man! I am so happy to talk with somebody about this! I've tried keeping this problem a secret from pretty much everyone, including my parents, for the most of my life.

To answer your questions: no, i am not living with my parents right now, i live in another country. They are divorced and i only speak with my mother. She knows everything about my situation yet this is impossible for her to actually understand what i am going through. this is something that is beyond her. Even though we have a great relationship and we love each other so much. She will NEVER be able to accept the fact that i am not her DAUGHTER but in fact i am her SON! And no, i am not on T and i don't really know what to do! I would like to take T but this will lead to a lot of problems. Pretty much everyone who knows me thinks i am a girl and if i start taking T i will have to tell the truth to everybody and this makes me feel awful. Plus a lot of legal things like changing my passport, etc. I am really confused and i don't know what to do. OMG, how i wish i was born a boy and i wish i never had problems like this! 

And yes, i would really like to talk to you! In fact, i would love talking to FTMs transsexuals cos i have never talked to FTMs before. Why? Cos i pretty much tried to ignore this problem. I know it was so stupid cos this is me and this is my life.

[Jamie D]

Thanks for ur answer, well my biggest problem is that i am a FTM transsexual who happens to like guys. The vast majority of FTM like girls. But i hate dressing like a woman, this makes me feel like i've been just raped or sth like that and i feel totally awful and i feel disgusting when i dress like a woman. So so called "normal' and straight guys don't like me cos i look and act like a man. They totally hate that. But gay guys don't like me too cos biologically i am a female. All this makes it impossible for me to find a partner, someone to love me. ((( I really feel like a major failure and a waste of space. 

Dean, I don't see that as a "problem."  True, it make things more difficult, but not impossible.

Think about it this way, there are people out there with a bi- or pan- orientation.  It is a matter of putting yourself out there to find your soulmate.

[dean1229]

Devlyn Marie

I am sorry for posting the same topic twice but this thread is more fitting for me. Sorry about this!

[kelly_aus]

I think your stats are a little out of whack.. I'm MTF and I like women - so do many other MTF's I know.. Many of the FTM's I know out in the big, bad, wide world are gay..

In fact, as far as I'm aware, trans people are far more likely to be gay (lesbian) than the non-trans population..

[dean1229]

Plenty of gay transguys out there, I'm one of them. Fortunately for me, I'm perfectly happy being single and in hermit-mode, so I guess in the grand scheme of things, my sexuality doesn't make that much of a difference. That aside, there are definitely gay guys out there that can handle a bloke built from an alternative set of lego's.

Really?? You are a gay transguy? I have never met a gay transguy before and i am totally and completely serious! I have tried ignoring my problem for so many years and i didn't want to go to forums like this one because i tried telling to myself "you can be normal, you can be a girl who likes guys, you can try to dress like a girl and you can try to act like one too, it won't kill you". But in the end, it was something like killing myself, like killing the real me, the one that has been inside of me for all those years.

So i am really happy to meet you and i can really understand what you mean. I think it's better for me to stay single too because i just CAN'T be with a man who treats me like a woman! This is so disgusting, i can't even tell! and of course i can't be with gay guys too cos i am not a real guy! So i guess i will have to stay single. Well this is what i have been for the most of my life anyway.

[Nygeel]

There are plenty of gay trans men out there!

For myself...I no longer find gender important when it comes to finding a partner. I used to consider myself straight but had difficulty finding partners that were cool with it and questioned myself on if I would feel comfortable dating a man. All in all, I think I would be comfortable with a guy but my preferences are towards women.

[Liminal Stranger]

I feel similar to Nygeel, being trans has especially taught me that the outer packaging can really be deceiving. I'm currently with a rather feminine guy, first and only person I've trusted enough to date. We manage just fine   

[dean1229]

Dean, I don't see that as a "problem."  True, it make things more difficult, but not impossible.

Think about it this way, there are people out there with a bi- or pan- orientation.  It is a matter of putting yourself out there to find your soulmate.

I wish i could find my soulmate but in this world, this is all about the gender... And if you are "weird" and something"strange" - "normal" people won't go close to you. This is exactly the situation i am in. i have seen so much of rejection, you won't even believe it. I've always been extremely shy and quiet but this gender identity problem is the biggest one for me.