What is gender?

[megan-l]

I've been wondering recently - how can you recognize you're one gender or another, as far as it's not the same as sex?
Generally there are a few elements of it that I've figured out, but I'm not sure which is most important (looks&gestures, sexuality, activities&behaviour, way of thinking) and essential to say 'I am a ...'

[megan-l]

My question may seem stupid, but I just don't get it.
I sometimes feel like a woman, sometimes like a man, and mostly I don't care . But I think I bahave manly most of the time, but am a hetero woman having a boyfriend.

I'm asking here, on this forum (transgender forum), bacause I thought people here would know or have some theories.

[Devlyn]

Hi, and welcome to Susan's Place!  You'll definitely get answers here,  this is a primer from our Wiki:

https://www.susans.org/wiki/Gender

See you around the site, hugs, Devlyn

[Lesley_Roberta]

You are what feels right.

Yeah I think that covers the bases correctly

You need genuine female parts for genuine female functions, and the same for males.

Other than that, it is often easier to just say hey I'm human.

[peky]

"gender identity" is the innate feeling of being: male, female, female  and male (AKA as bigender), sometimes male and sometimes female(AKA gender fluid), and agender.

Some of us discover who we are early on live, some later on. Some peoples gender identity change and evolves, for other is immutable..


Hope this helps

[megan-l]

Thank you really  Great Wiki

Hm... in my case it may be gender fluid...  Or if I had to choose a gender I'd choose to be a hetero-woman-doing-men's-things - but nothing like that exists, and poeple are generally aversed when I say I like martial arts, cars, s-f etc...
Because of these doubts (long story), I've done a sage test, of which results really fit me (except for the final conclusion). It was like (more or less, I cannot remember perfectly):
appearance - feminine
socializing - androgyneous
brain process - male
overall I am masculine
conclusion - FtM crossdresser (never worn a single piece of men's clothing  )

You see, I like being a woman, but the activities assigned to that (like wearing skirts (thank God and Coco Chanel, I don't have to do it), make-up, cooking, cleaning up, taking care of children, and all the cute things that excite my friends) are really difficult and overwhelming, and boring for me.
And I'm writing here because I to ashamed to tell my best friend 'hey, I sometimes feel I am a guy, but don't want to be one'

[peky]

Thank you really  Great Wiki

Hm... in my case it may be gender fluid...  Or if I had to choose a gender I'd choose to be a hetero-woman-doing-men's-things - but nothing like that exists, and poeple are generally aversed when I say I like martial arts, cars, s-f etc...
Because of these doubts (long story), I've done a sage test, of which results really fit me (except for the final conclusion). It was like (more or less, I cannot remember perfectly):
appearance - feminine
socializing - androgyneous
brain process - male
overall I am masculine
conclusion - FtM crossdresser (never worn a single piece of men's clothing  )

You see, I like being a woman, but the activities assigned to that (like wearing skirts (thank God and Coco Chanel, I don't have to do it), make-up, cooking, cleaning up, taking care of children, and all the cute things that excite my friends) are really difficult and overwhelming, and boring for me.
And I'm writing here because I to ashamed to tell my best friend 'hey, I sometimes feel I am a guy, but don't want to be one'

Do not confuse "gender roles" with "gender identity." Gender roles, such a males wearing blue & women pink, etc  are social constructs that evolve and change, and that are specific to a certain civilization, culture, or ethic group.

[megan-l]

Right.
It's more complicated then it looks like. The whole thing began dalicately, about a year ago. One of my classmates saw boys fighting for fun on the floor of our classroom and shouted they are insane. It wasn't insane for me, I actually wanted to fight with them together, and I replied her it's just fun. She looked like she  thought I'm crazy too. I went home had a reflection that it is not that normal for girls to like such things.
I couldn't get through the fact that I menstruate and will have to give birth to my future children for a long time, but I finally accepted it. But I'm still scared of pregnacy (giant tummy, birth, lots of blood, a baby...) (and I mean me being pregnant). I repeat to myself that I don't have to do it at all if I don't want to.
I wouldn't be a good mother and housewife, actually.
I did realize some things when I started dating with my current boyfriend, and met some new poeple durig holidays.
Firstly, I know noone else who is opposite sex in dreams, and to me it happens very often. Secondly, talking with guys is extremally easy (the same systhem of thinking).
Thirdly, I write stories. Let me introduce my all alter egos, chronlogically: 1. a woman-warrior 2. a woman who crossdresses (yes, I did realize that fact only recently ) to be trated seriously in the world of criminals (started being a mechanic)  3. half-alien woman, that can't get on well with people, but has to live like a human 4. another crossdresser in ancient times who wanted to travel as a sailor 5. a woman-soldier 6. twins: an oversensitive artist and a stunt woman who 'behaves like she was a guy in her previous incarnation' 7. a tomboy looking for her father 8. My favourite one, I started writing about him two years ago and still am. A metal, half-alien, forced to hide, unable to express himself, because it'd give him out and lead to tortures and death. A very dark story. 9. A young scientist from Russia, has some strange stains on his body, likes to think of himself as a mutant like in X-men movie, finally discovers that he's a half-alien 10. Another alien story. A high school student. He doesn't really know why, but he is raised and has to live as a human. He is not that bad at being human, but not too good and still unnatural. He knows that his body is changed with some special medicine. Without it his body becomes back another species. He gets over that, but feels rejected by his own parents (he was raised by a volunteer) and society because of... what? It turns out to be a horrid experiment and he was a tool to explore humankid. He commits a scuiside when he figures it out 11. the only woman in a space station, very fit
Whom I most identify with is the metal trying not to attract attention.
Fourthly (does this word exist?), this feeling which occured recently. My boyfriend is very sensitive and warm. More than I am. I'm quite tall. So of us two, I'm the more 'brutal' one, wearing leather coat, and heavy shoes. And he likes every romantic thing, and complains that if I don't have time for him ,it means that I cheat on him, and talks a lot, and is unable to decide. So I sometimes think of myself like of a guy. I think it's because I have no 'inborn' sense of gender identity and sexual orientation maybe, and I have learnt all these things.
And on winter holidays I met some guys (it may seem strange, but I've never tried to make friends with them. Maybe just adolescence – they were so overhormoned, and girls too, for last few years) from an extra-math-school. Talking with them was perfect – I was normal finally. Being normal, and not explaining every single sentence a couple of times, and agreement. Me being normal, easily getting on with people 
I don't know what to think about it.
I have asked myself: so, what gender am I? the anwser fom heart was: human. I don't have an inner feeling of a gender. That's why I ask.

p.s. sorry for all language mistakes, I'm not a native speaker of English
p.s.2 I live in Poland. It is not that tolerant country. And quite a lot poeple are Catholic in a very conservative way. Or just conservative.

[spacial]

megan

You are whatever you feel you are. Transgender is self diagnosed. You just know.

Experience here suggests that people who question, do so because they have some issues, questions if you like. That you have these, suggests they need to be answered. That is what happens here. You answer those questions. We offer support to you whatever you decide.

As for it all being adolescence. Could be. Could be many things. But the issue isn't your age, which is something only time will deal with, or anything else. The issue is your questions about your gender.

That's what we do. That's what you will do. And hopefully, that's what you will, eventually, help others with.

By the way, thank you for the information on your situation. It's good to know. Your English is better than many English speakers. (Believe me. )

[Lawreign]

Gender is the bodies assimilation because there is only xx and xy cromazones. However in this day an age we live in now, strict identity either one or the other is blurred. Rightly so the younger generations that I come across today is effeminate men trying to talk to assertive woman.

It would be easier to say that we all have estrogen, progestigen and testosterone in our physical system and the balance of those 3 primary agents constitutes the individual.
Celebrate your diversity, heterosexuality is just a state of being. You seem to be coming to that understanding.