Good friends and coming out.

[kathy bottoms]

I have a few good friends where I used to work (mostly girls) who I've been avoiding for a year because I haven't come out to them.  Yes, I could live without these friends, but I like them and would love to talk with them about their lives and mine.  I also kind of feel it's unnecessary to out myself because I could see them in full boy mode, but then again I want an honest, frank, and open life from how on.  The old office is also staffed by people from one of the most conservative areas of California, Sutter, Yuba, and Nevada Counties, and a lot of my old coworkers were bigots, so I'd hate to cause a stir. 

So, do I tell these girls what's going on in my life or just let my friendships go?   I have few friends as it is and I hate to loose more.  Then again, why should I even care if the people who aren't my friends are bigots,?  They can't change the work I did, my work record, or blame their problems on me.  So am I worrying needlessly?  I do want to come out to these girls, so ....?

Kathy

[Joanna Dark]

That's quite the conundrum. If they are bigots, don't tell them. You don't need these types in your life. Hatred corrodes the container its held in and do you really want to be around corrosive substances? I wouldn't. Maybe see them in boy mode and then mention the subject of ->-bleeped-<- subtly and indirectly and see how they respond. Sometimes its best to leave the past where it belongs but I do understand the need for friends. But if you have two that's all one really needs. As long as they are close friends. Hope this helps.

[kathy bottoms]

Joanna:

I had a few bigotted male friends that I'd like to tell just to drive them up a wall.  But those guys are going to stay in the dark because I don't trust them.  Two of the girls are super liberal and understand a lot about people, but it's always hard to be sure how a person will react.  Maybe it's time to talk to them one at a time and see what they say.  I think they can keep the secret even if they reject my desire for continued friendship. 

Kathy

[sam79]

That's a tough one. I think it comes down to the individuals... Will they find out eventually? Can you trust them to keep this information to themselves?

Once you let the cat out of the bag, you lose control over where it goes

I'm facing a similar issue to you. There are some old friends from a previous workplace who have no idea about me. I don't mind telling them, except that they cannot keep secrets, and it will spread like wildfire through the entire company. And that particular company is more like a school yard than anything. That makes me a little uncomfortable.

[kathy bottoms]

Once you let the cat out of the bag, you lose control over where it goes

And that's the only issue.  If the girls didn't even talk to me again after I confided in them I'd worry about what they'd say around the office.  I don't work there anymore so the problem is the other friends that might find out the wrong way, and in the wrong context.  As far as the people I don't like, well I don't care.     Well, maybe a little because I don't like making enemies without a reason.

Kathy