Hi Jumpingcats,
First off, I feel for your fear and worries. That is a scary situation to be in. Your parents asking you to leave so soon after graduation: epic fail. I was just having a discussion with my older sister on Sunday, who has three children under 30. She said this economy has devastated the opportunities of the under thirties, and any parent who fails to provide a home for their child of that age group while they get on their feet, are an absolute disgrace to the human race. I agree.
I can give you just a few options that may be of help:
1. Put your foot down and stay until you are ready to go. I heard the word "ask". The proper reply is, "I want to mom and dad, but I can't. If you help me, I will go sooner. If you don't, I may be here a long time, through no fault of my own, until I can do it all myself."
2. Make contact with the extended family, all of your aunts and uncles, grandparents if you have them, cousins. OPEN UP about your situation and hold nothing back. This includes family friends that are "like family". They key here is, you don't have the option of staying silent and just sucking it up. Talking to everybody, openly, emotionally, and yet respectfully, will accomplish the following:
a) peer pressure. believe me, when your parents' family and friends realize what they are doing to you, there will be pressure to stop. This is not guaranteed, but-- it is how families work.
b) circles of help. Every household in your extended family probably has at least one available couch, if not even an empty guest room. Some may be in a position to hire someone for their first job out of college. Or know people who do.
c) practice with safe people. sharing your story and your situation with people who love you, make it easier to ask for help when you need to, from people you don't know yet. get that practice, and be greedy about getting any positive experience, any assistance, any listening ear, any practical advice or encouragement or offer that you can.
3. Get in touch with assistance before you go, while you visit, and after you put down your stakes. If you have two parents, and have been in college, you probably have missed some of the hard survival skill lessons that less fortunate kids have had to learn to survive this far. No shame in that, but it means that you need to peel back the "self reliance" gospel that was drilled into you and change it into a plan to give back when you can, and for now, to receive all you can get. Some resources:
a) LGBT youth charities. There are very strong organizations in the Seattle and Portland areas for supporting LGBT homeless youth. Most serve kids up to about 24, so you are probably right in their target clientele. And they know a ton a ton of community resources that you can use to avoid becoming homeless, or if you do become, to be homeless for as short a period as you can.
b) couch surfing. If you are fully in boy mode still, then you really should be able to use
couchsurfing.org to find free (or in exchange for cleaning and a little help with the groceries) temporary housing - and even transitioning, in PNW, still ok.
c) food banks and meal programs. If you have more time than money, you can feed yourself for free except your bus pass or gas money or bike maintenance or shoe upkeep. Especially combined with:
d) food stamps. You qualify. Go get 'em.
e) temporary agencies. The big secret of getting a job: you have to have one. Whenever I have had no job, I have applied at every temp agency in the area, then go their every day or two to use their free training programs and to chat with the people who work there. That twofold strategy will put you at the top of the list in their minds as capable and highly motivated worker who shows up, and they will place you. As soon as the agency gets to know you and likes you, they can keep you working full time even if it is 3 days here 5 days there. It only takes one, but you don't know which will be the one, so your work with them all. When you are working for one agency, keep touch once a week with the other agencies, say I am currently working in an assignment for (this # days), but if you have any opportunities for me I would love to work with you when this assignment is up. Agencies LOVE poaching temps who are working well for other agencies, and LOVE giving them permanent full time jobs - because they often get paid well by the employer if you go permanent.
f) roommates. The key to getting an apartment is to have a job AND a rental history. #e will take care of the job aspect; getting a roommate once you get your first check as a temp will start creating your rental history. Roommates can save you between 25% and 70% of your rent, depending on the bedroom to house ratio. Even better: roommates know the area, and if you go out of your comfort zone and make friendships with all of your roommates no matter how difficult, you will have the start of a network. Be the roommate who cleans, who cooks (perhaps in exchange for a smaller share of the groceries if it is a house that dinners together), who is there to run errands, and bathe the cat. Now they owe you. And some will come through. It only takes one.
g) college career office and alumni office. Your school has a national alumni network. At the very least, you should be writing calling visiting (I'm considering moving to ... and as a brand new graduate, I would like to meet you for coffee and discuss what it is like to live and work in... and any suggestions or tips you may have for me in my job search and apartment search. College connections are probably the second best resource after family, so use them if you've got them.
h) ask other people who are surviving in your target area. They may be willing to share the charities that are of the most help, and how to approach.
i) volunteer with a charity. The people who work and volunteer in those places no more resources than you can ever imagine, and are excited to help someone they like and have gotten to know. Your volunteering also helps solve that problem of not getting job offers until you already have a job. Network network network.
If you end up drifting south to Portland, let us know so we can activate the Portland Susans Mafia Response Limo.
*hugs*
Maddie of Portland
