How to get over a girl?

[Joe.]

I've liked this girl for over 2 years now. She's my age, in a couple of my classes in college, and she seems perfect.We used to get on really well, flirt with each other, wind each other up, then ssuddenly that all stopped. That's when she started to ignore me. I later found out she wrote some mean stuff on facebook about me. We were on a school trip together, and her friends started to pick on me a bit. I was expecting her to join in but she didn't, she stuck up for me and said they can trust me and to leave me alone. Then she'd start talking to me again, and she hasn't wrote anythingon ffacebook about me since the last time which was over a year ago. We're back to how we were now, and we always have a laugh with each other. My friend will say something funny, and instead of looking at my friend, she'll look at me and smile. We smile at each other a lot in class. It's complicated though, she's a popular and I'm the loner weirdo with no friends. She's more than likely straight (I'm still living at female at college) and even if she did feel the same, she would never admit it. I've been dreaming about her a lot lately, about her telling me she loves me. I need to get a grip on reality and get over her, but I just can't. I like her too much. I try not to think about her and keep myself busy, but she's still there in my dreams. I just need to get over her but I have no idea how.

[DriftingCrow]

I find that time is the only way.

[Liminal Stranger]

I know how that feels. Today I've been thinking about it, because today is the birthday of a girl I liked many years ago. Part of me has never gotten over the violent rejection I got even without telling her I liked her, because she went off on me after someone spread a rumor that I was a lesbian and liked her and she didn't want to be involved in such weird things. I denied any such orientation or feelings, but that didn't make it better. Maybe it's better that I haven't talked to her in almost ten years, because it would have made me feel that much worse if she were right there. She was much less a weirdo than me even though we both were into pokemon and yugioh (oh, heaven's no! boy things!) and didn't need the additional stigma of being that weird kid's "girlfriend". Somewhere around that point I had a younger kid stalk me, he was constantly picked on for being "gay"- oh, the irony. But I digress.

How do you get over a girl? If she's your first real crush, truth is you probably won't. Time helps heal wounds, but love leaves scars nonetheless.

It sounds to me like those obnoxious friends of hers are the ones influencing her even if she turns out not to be completely straight; maybe someday when you're older she'll grow up a bit and see past their social pettiness. I feel for you, been there and it still hurts. You're really doing the best thing possible by trying to distract yourself. If you're into the arts and creative things, you can release a lot of emotional pain and negativity through some artistic outlet- feelings like that make for songs that are a hell of a lot better than the things some people like to call "music" these days. I wish you the best, because love really sucks sometimes.

[democration]

I find that time is the only way.

It's kind of a bummer, but I have to agree. It took me quite a while to get over my first girlfriend in high school. I still think about her every now and then, and it's been five years. Of course, she gets credit for being my "first love", so I don't suppose I'll ever get over her completely. She was gorgeous, outgoing, funny, and god she had great boobs....

[Simon]

Finding someone that reciprocates the feelings you have for them has always worked well for me.

The realization that you can't change someone's feelings and accepting that is a big challenge. The situation may be different but most people cis and trans deal with being rejected at some point in their lives. Just don't let her degrade you again. At that point I would have cut her out of my life completely. Your self worth is more important than that.

[Joe.]

Thanks for the advice guys. She's not my first crush, but she's just different from the rest of them in a way.

I know I should have cut her off when she degraded me, and I did try to ignore her, but she continuously asked me if I was ok and why I was so quiet so I eventually gave up and started talking to her again.

She probably knows by now, who knows.

[Adam (birkin)]

I agree with Simon - no one should sell themselves short by loving someone who doesn't or can't reciprocate the feelings.

What works for me is distance, which is hard. When I was in high school I loved my best friend for 2 and a half years...and the time came when I had to take myself away from her. No seeing her, no MSN chats, no emails, no checking her online profiles...I had to cut her out completely. And I learned the hard way. 2 months into not talking to her, I had one chat with her on MSN, and it broke my heart all over again. I had to start over, basically. And one time I looked at her posts online, again, started over emotionally. Then I went 6 months without talking to her, and at that point, I came out about my sexual orientation - at which point, I was like a teenager and allowed myself to notice the gorgeous women around me, which helped me get over her completely. 6 months later I met my ex, who I had a loving relationship with for 3 years.

[tomthom]

*hands you a carving knife*

murder them.

oh wait, wrong forum. *whistles and drags his carving knife back across the table.*