Feeling a bit trapped

[Janet78]

Hi everyone, I've been a member of a ->-bleeped-<-/ transgender web site for a while now and have been really enjoying it. I was on the site a number of years ago too but deleted my profile for the usual reasons, guilt, uncertainty etc. This time around though I've noticed that this inclination in me is much stronger and far more intense. It's really grown in me since I started my current profile and I'm actually really happy with it.

My problem is that I can hardly ever 'indulge' this side of me. I live at home for a number of reasons and can't ever imagine telling my family about me. It's extremely frustrating at the moment. I'm unemployed at present and even if (I should say when, when!) I do get a job, it's unlikely that I'd be able to afford to move out. I look at women around me and feel really envious about their ability to wear what they please. I've never really been interested in clothes as a man but now I've accepted this side of me I keep seeing all sorts of clothes I'd love to buy! Not just clothes but hair, makeup, jewellery etc etc. It's a very strong need in me and I feel that it's an important part of me that has never had an outlet before. I can see the rest of my life going on without this part of me being expressed and that really scares me.

I'm wittering on a bit but I do need to offload a little. The barriers in front of me seem insurmountable at the moment. I hope my problem doesn't sound trivial as this thing means the world to me. It's really getting to me and I don't know what to do. I'm not even sure what I'm asking for here. Maybe a little moral support, especially if someone relates to my situation and has found a way to overcome it. Any help would be really appreciated anyway    :-)

[lavistaa]

This board and others like it are a good release. Maybe there's a tri-ess group in your area; their meetings are usually inexpensive and fun to attend.  You'll meet others and see how they've coped.  Social support is so important.

[barbie]

Yes. Your financial conditions is a factor in determining how far you can go. You may begin gradually. At first, for example, just trying wearing women's underwear, making hair long, or applying manicure in some of your fingers. After looking the response of people, you may decide the next step.

Barbie~~

[Lyric]

I've been almost exactly where you are. I can say with reasonable certainty that you can improve your life to the way you want it. You're really no different than most everyone in that you have strong desire that has not yet been fulfilled. There is plenty of advice around for achieving one's personal desires, but it always starts with what you've just done. You've verbalized that you are in a situation you don't like. The next step is to visualize-- clearly-- a perfect situation for yourself. The step after that is to chart a plan-- maybe with multiple options-- that will get  you there. The step after that is to work that plan every day until you achieve your goal. While I can't promise success, you'll almost certainly stop being depressed and have hope.

I don't know your exact situation, but just as an example, I know that these days anyone with Internet access and the ability to write (which you obviously have) can make a complete living on their own. People sell things on eBay, run websites for businesses, write content articles for marketers and much more. Stop thinking small and you'll start seeing options.

People do much, much more amazing things every day than what you want to do.

[Janet78]

Thanks to all of you for your replies and suggestions, I appreciate you taking the time.

Lyric - tyvm for your advice and particularly the comment about my writing ability! You touched a rather nice nerve there:) I can see your point about making a plan and sticking to it. However, for personal reasons I'm not ready to put my mind to anything like that yet. I certainly can and will though once I'm ready.

Thanks again to all

[gennee]

Hi Janet. I started out wearing panties and bras under my male clothes. It helped a lot to alleviate the stress of not being able to be myself. I started out slow but I gradually blossomed. Now I'm out to my wife and son. I dress a lot now and love it. 

[eshaver]

Geenie and Lyric both make very good points ! I also really liked the fact that tri- ess was mentioned too. They are very suppoertive of the crossdressing movement . In fact , I think a lot more so than several trans-gender groups I have been in on ......... ellen

[Kaeren]

Years ago in school I had to do some experiment with 2.  And I thought ......... this is not going to work.  But we were 2 and the other said .... we just do it.  And we did. It was something with concrete and electricity.

If you have a big problem impossible to overcome, then take it step by step.  Go one step at a time.  Improve where you can and ignore the steps that are too difficult at first.  Soon enough you'll notice that you came a long way already. 

That's how I deal with problems.  I admit many times I lack the energy.  But I change what and where I can. I do "research" where I can.  I was never ever interested in clothes as a man.  I'm still not most of the time.  But my other side is VERY interested. Strange combination.

Acceptance also come step by step.

[Janet78]

Ellen - thanks for you comment. What is tri-ess though? I may have missed that somewhere in the discussion, can't see it though.

Kaeren - thanks for your advice. Very good advice I think. I'll take that attitude once I'm ready, just have other problems I need to take care of first. Nice to know someone else has the interest in clothes thing I described! I really can't 'get' enough of them (in my imagination for now). I love them! Frustrating, grrr... lol.

Thanks again everyone, I'll get there

[Sara]

I get your feelings and hang in there i too am currently unemployed and have been for 2 years so cannot have the wardrobe i would like. one of the things i like to do (as panties and things can be spotted if you bend over) is to keep my toenails painted, The only way this will be discovered is if you walk around without socks/shoes on.

[lavistaa]

I was the person who mentioned tri ess, you can google to see if there's a chapter in your area.  The group is designed to allow those wondering about what it's like to transitition to talk with others in similar circumstances.